Who knew nil-nil could be so exciting?
Like so many Americans, My Captor and I digging the World Cup.
Soccer an interesting game – just not very often; Goals happening about as often as total eclipses. Sorry, goals conceded about as often.
Even less happens than during a baseball game, a pretty low bar; reminding of the ‘action’ at a poetry slam – with fancier footwork.
But it struck me, it’s a lot like retirement: Long stretches of nothingness, with the occasional bit of excitement. Penetrated by the occasional goooooal! Or your monthly IRA update.
We’re now treating it like an NBA game, tuning in for the final 20 minutes.
But My Captor and I disagree on how much/little actually happens during a game, she enjoying the goal-less offensive forays. I’m too old for all sound, no action.
But tell that to my internal organs…
There’s a lot of soccer oddities.
It begins with FIFA, the most corrupt governing body ever.
Which is why I’m surprised anybody was surprised when they overturned the US red card, a 64 year first. It’s nice when corrupt happens to nice…
The WC’s treatment of time as a flat continuum also fascinating.
Games. Start. On. Time.
And once started, the clock never stops.
Even during the hydration break in each half, making one wonder when they’ll add protein and guacamole breaks.
The clock moving like waiting for your wife getting ready to go out; Is it still the 24th minute?
Though if I’m ever given 6 months to live, I’m watching soccer games to make it seem like 6 years.
And stoppage time? I’m sure there’s a complex calculation schedule – or maybe it’s plucked off the local tide chart. Perhaps explaining the +4:18P from a recent game/Match?
Even the odd overtime – sorry, extra time – consisting of two 15-minute periods – sorry again, halves – adds to the 90 minutes to get to 120.
But each with their own stoppage time math.
Making me believe it’s truly a man’s game, with all this math floating around.
Even manlier, Norway’s Victory rowing celebration, led by that Thor guy.
But if it’s still tied at the end of 120 minutes – plus more stoppage time – then the best part of soccer happens: Penalty kicks!
Apparently added for American television, ensuring matches finally end. The Golden Goal could take days… maybe turning into a Netflix streaming series.
But the math relaxes; the final of the match declared a tie, with the PKs an additional calculation for the win.
So much math…
The PKs incredibly stressful, but with a 90% chance of success, the random save deciding the match. Seeing a save like the odds of getting a speeding ticket.
In-game action also confusing at times.
Beginning with the parade of players lying on their back, holding their shins – which is now a statue at FIFA Headquarters. And part of the closing ceremonies.
Not sure how serious the injuries are – reminding of brothers ‘fighting’, looking back for their parent’s reaction.
Comforting for oldsters, reminding of the Organ Recital, that time when seeing folks you haven’t seen for a while, everyone taking a moment or two – or five – to describe their physical ailments.
And everywhere, ‘Who Me?’ moments, whenever a foul’s called.
The yellow and red cards adding a fun note of color! VAR reviews reminding of Captain Kangaroo’s Magic Drawing Board.
But we’ll know the World’s Game’s been adopted by America when conspiracy theories sprout up: The games are fixed! The Europeans/Argentinians get all the calls!
And we’ll definitely know when Patrick Mahomes is awarded the Golden Boot!
ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC/READING’:
Lots of new music out – – still digging Kevin Morby’s new album!
Love Is Not Enough remains available on Amazon. What a great read for anyone who has dealt with mental health or addiction issues. Or just wants to read about family love and recovery.