BIRTHDAYS EVERYWHERE!

A perplexing weekend, it was.

Experiencing life’s highs and lows in a 24-hour period.

In Charlotte for our daughter’s 40^th birthday; her actual arrival on Halloween, but its Saturday timing complicating party planning.

The other timing complication: Danny’s 36^th birthday the 24^th, so the party scheduled for the 23^rd.

Perfect.

Really happy things first.

Beginning with memories of Emily’s birth, arriving at 7A. Calling my four-child attending mother-in-law, with the news, she informing me some “bad kids” had broken all our pumpkins, so while heading home, buying a large replacement.

After hearing her four siblings jabber about “bad kids, pumpkins, Emily Grace”, on to the substitute’s carving… keeping them occupied. For a while.

The memory clouds dissipate, flash forward to her party.

A blast. We arrived a day in advance for party prep; there were 30 guests, a 3-table set-up, catered Italian meal, a couple of bartenders – a truly adult party.

Before sitting down to dinner, her husband Duncan delivered a Husband of Birthday girl (HOB) toast that hit all the right notes: How lucky he’d been to find Emily, giving his life purpose and a social life; a thank you to all the out-of-town attendees, even Emily’s sister Katharine in Charlotte from Alexandria; and a thanks to all their friends, including a recognition of Em’s ability to make friends wherever they’ve lived.

We then sang Happy Birthday, accompanied by their 9-year-old son James on the piano. He is talented, calling Tuesday his favorite day of the week because of its scheduled piano lesson.

And you know, as his PA I’m an unbiased talent observer…

Odd having a family member with any musical talent, though I am pretty good at Spotify.

After dinner, comic complications ensued, including a couple of ‘keg stands’, which I won’t mention. Kids today! (shakes fist happily, knowing it wasn’t me). (For once).

The happy when ‘considered correctly’ things second.

Danny’s 3^rd birthday post-departure, which is different from the ‘firsts’, but still a family event.

As you’ve read in this post, and perhaps know from personal experience, after losing a loved one, things very fresh, very raw. Particularly the first year.  

Those feelings dulling over time – never disappearing, just not as sharply felt.

Not unlike a fading photo. The edges getting tougher to see.

A nagging fear that you will forget…

… forget the key dates, forget your last conversation, forget your best memories.

Which is why we – and others before us – spend so much time celebrating those key dates together. An effort to keep our loved ones alive – if only for a day.

Remembering the first lesson of grief and remembering: Say their name!

My personal quandary: Posting this the day after his birthday, having previously posted on the major anniversary dates, even on non-Sundays – should this have been posted yesterday?

Letting myself off the hook though, knowing Danny would be okay with the timing.

But birthdays are sad/happy days: Why isn’t he here, why did he leave? Balanced by: We were so lucky to have the time we had, he was such a great son/brother/uncle/godfather/friend.

Ultimately, the group choosing the happy side, mixed with the occasional sad twinge.

His brothers and brother-in-law together in Austin, for their annual SEC game. A tradition begun by Peter, when he heard his West Coast friends thought UCLA or Cal games were ‘real’ football.

Even better, his goddaughter Nora and nephew James scoring their requested ‘goals for Danny’.

All that reminding of another lesson of grief and remembering: You’re not in this alone! Friends and family are there to pull you through.

Danny, see you on the other side.

Peace.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC/READING’:

There is a Danny playlist on Spotify. It might be publicly available.

And Love Is Not Enough still available on Amazon. What a great read for anyone who has dealt with mental health or addiction issues. Or just wants to read about family love and recovery. And a great way to find out who Danny really was.