Birthdays. You can’t live without them.
I had one recently, with a 2 at the end, so not a ‘big’ one. But technically, at my age they’re all ‘big’ ones.
It was my kind of birthday, very low key, the highlights grandkid face time calls.
Most of whom seemed more excited about my day than me, exactly how I like it.
Though it stung when one asked “Oh, you’re still here?”
But during every birthday celebration there’s that “How many more of these will I get?” fear/concern: The Mortality moment.
The old, ‘You walk down the street long enough, a piano will fall on your head’, thing.
An odd moment for parents with grown children, the feeling that ‘my work here is done’, and if this is the last one, it’s been a good life.
Though there’s a lot left to live for, and I will do everything I can – except give up beer, of course – to extend my time. Amazing what remaining active can do for you… I’m even eating healthily.
On occasion, of course.
But the ‘mortality thing’ got weirder during our annual dermatologist visit.
I say our, because My Captor and I schedule our medical visits together, as creepy as it sounds.
And living at the beach, the dermatologist is a power player.
A power player who found 2 ‘areas of concern’ and some smoodge on my head, which she labeled as pre-cancerous.
As an aside, my family had trouble regarding cancer as something to take seriously: My dad had it in so many forms – a couple new ones even named for him – and he lived until 86.
And I’ve had it 3 different times, including the John Chess Melanoma.
The 2 areas of concern were removed, and headed off to be biopsied.
Biopsy the Latin word for ‘You might be screwed – but you’ll have to wait a couple of weeks to find out’.
Frightening moments aside, cancer can be fun!
The scar left from my John Chess Melanoma was about 10 inches long – though My Captor might have a different measure, as women normally do – and I frequently asked my grandkids if they’d like to see it.
Finally, an exasperated Charlie replied “PA, we’ve seen that thing a hundred times!”
This was also a time when I sent them homemade puzzles, fun/interesting pictures which had been cut into pieces, then to be reassembled.
Which I did, with a picture of The Scar.
Midway through reassembly, one of them cried “Ooh, it’s PA’s scar!”
My Captor’s offer of $20 for a completed puzzle completed the deal.
Important to keep them off guard – should be a great story at my celebration of life.
But as I contemplate the end, I wonder if the best exit gift would be “You’ve got 6 months to live”.
Or a timed departure, agreed to in advance…
… allowing proper good-byes.
Many now writing their own advance obituaries, which can be serious – or whacky.
Maybe a pre-recorded farewell video.
Or, a letter for everyone in your life, expressing what they meant to you.
Even without notice, we can definitely prepare for the inevitable.
Through life insurance, wills and odd messages left on our phones.
All part of the plan though, God creating death so we wouldn’t take living for granted.
But as I read this back, the mortality topic might be a bit creepy.
Not that I’m not going anywhere – that I know of.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to live life and wait for the biopsy results.
Who knows: The Scar Puzzle 2 may come out of it…
ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC/READING’:
This Is Lorelei has a new album out. Again? But it’s good.
And Love Is Not Enough still available on Amazon. What a great read for anyone who has dealt with mental health or addiction issues. Or just wants to read about family love and recovery.