YOU’RE AN HOUR LATE … EARLY?

As part of my Lenten self-improvement plan, I’ve begun ‘advance grumbling’.

Why put off until next Sunday what you can complain about today?

I used to Old Man Rant (Shakes fist angrily!), but that requires lots of energy; grumbling much easier and quicker.

As an aside, I still Shake Fist Angrily!, but now with an energy-setting saving.

For newcomers, I used to number my OMRs, to save time – and My Captor’s patience.

Two recent rants:

OMR #124: The US Men’s Hockey team won the gold medal! How dare they be patriotic!

OMR #125: The US Men’s Hockey team didn’t win the gold medal. That’s so patriotic!

As you can tell, my other Rant evolution is both-sides ism: The ability to grumble about both sides of every issue.

But today we’re ‘single side grumbling’; today’s grumble Daylight Saving Time (DST), beginning next Sunday.

This as your warning!

DST is coming back – apparently there was no ‘DST clients list’ after all, no visitors to Rolex Island. So, I thought I’d prepare: Alternating waking up an hour earlier, and sleeping an hour later – not totally understanding the direction of “Spring forward”, I’m covering all my bases.

In today’s polarized era, we agree on one thing: Virtually everyone thinks this is a bad idea.

Though there are defenders – socialists eager to seize the hour for ‘our’ collective good, teacher’s unions fighting to end the school day an hour earlier – but most hate the idea.

As evidence, the week after springing ahead dominated by ‘bad-idea’ news:

‘Time Depression/Confusion’ stories – So confused, I missed a week of work!

Current events delayed an hour. What’s happening in Iran?

Stories about how ‘Young People’ (Shakes Fist Angrily! – but not for an hour, this time change thing really confusing) are afraid of the extra hour of daylight.

Twitter arguments over is it one Saving or more?

Oh yeah – and kids back at the bus stop in the dark. 

How did this happen?

The internet full of outrage! Ben Franklin proposed it as a ‘joke’!

He a wicked prankster, the father of the electrified wedgie, the non-stick Forever stamp, and the personal lightning rod, which left one cross-eyed and mumbling. Though this theory debunked, his estate apologizing – mainly for that weird hairdo.

Few remember it was due to Woodrow Wilson choosing ‘dare’ at a drunken League of Nations party; then slipping it in during WW1, when no one was paying attention.

Time has always been used for behavior modification: My mother would send my brother and I to separate time zones when we misbehaved. He was tricky, always choosing Atlantic, so his punishment would end first.

And The Nuns threatened to “Give the hour – and our spleen – to Jesus” if we didn’t behave.

My mother’s take: “Would you jump in a lake if some moron made you reset your clock?”

If it’s such a great idea, why does it appear to be optional?

Phoenix, Indiana and the NFC Central don’t change their clocks, our Amish neighbors don’t reset their sundial, and the North Star ain’t budging.

One year, My Captor didn’t spring forward – I didn’t see her all summer.

We’re in the global minority – only one-third of countries observe DST. But Americans have always had a strange/precise relationship with time. When asked What time is it? An American will respond 7:12AM, a Greek “Around noon” and a Brazilian “Mid-March”.

Our hope: With Congress starting DST earlier and ending it later each year, eventually it will start and end on the same Sunday, which will be our way out.

But further evidence of: Is there nothing man can’t screw up?

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

David Kitts of the Tindersticks has a couple of new songs out. A fave fave.