Our relationship with food has always been complicated, stemming back to when we WERE food, as carnivores roamed the earth.
And who hasn’t been attacked by a crazed hog or angry giraffe and felt real fear. OK, the crazed hog thing might be specific to Iowa and the angry giraffe thing might be a stretch, but who hasn’t wondered about the murderous motives of those cows and horses you see out the window on long car rides. Don’t Animal Farm nightmares haunt us all?
I won’t get into what lurks in the ocean…
One benefit of the pandemic is the call to “follow the science”, and today we will review the studies that have been completed regarding our relationship with food, and what it says about each of us. Or maybe just you…
Sequence Studies: The order in which you eat your meal is important.
Picture a meal with a meat, potato, vegetable and bread – do you eat one item at a time? A portion of each in rotation? Or try to put all 4 on the fork at the same time?
The first is typical of introverts, the second of those with orderly minds, while the third group have relationship issues.
I think that’s right, but I had just had a large meal and fell asleep before I got to the study’s conclusion, so your guess is as good as mine.
Do you save the frosting or the cake for last? How about the crunchy top of the cake? Do you eat dessert first? The latter is believed to be a reaction to totalitarian governments that confiscated all sweets…
Segmentation studies: How you eat your food is a warning sign: Do you mash all the items together? Do you allow the different items to touch? Do you build ‘gravy dams’ in your mashed potatoes? Do you truly appreciate gravy as the incredible gift to all Americans that George Washington intended it to be?
Do you leave the middle of a PB&J for last after disposing of the crust? My Captor does just that, claiming the man she calls “The Governor” has issued a ‘middle mandate’.
Dieting studies: While the easiest – and most logical – conclusion would be: “Taking in fewer calories than you burn will help you lose weight”, that wouldn’t sell many books. Or be very popular. As a typical American who has gained and lost (and gained and lost – and gained) the same 10-20 pounds, I know we are all looking for a diet that works, and is easy to follow.
Not to say Americans are gullible, but we find Oprah to be a credible weight loss spokesperson.
But I am following the “All beer, no food” diet, which has been very effective. I’m now in Day 5, but since my Captor just found me face down on the front lawn for the 3rd day in a row, I fear it may not be sustainable. I think I’m in day 5, but am having some recent memory issues…
Restaurant Protocol: Does the end of happy hour represent drinker suppression?
And what happens when the check arrives is a powerful indicator. In a recent simulation, Democrats and Republicans couldn’t agree on how to split the check, so they decided it should be paid by future generations. After further discussion, they agreed to bolt the check as a sign of unity.
If you want to learn more, check out these Food Network documentaries:
“Fake Science. Fake Food. Fooled You!”
“Sioux Chefs – Exploitation of the original Americans?”
“The recent wave of violence against Aging Americans – can bacon make it better?”
ENHANCE YOUR READING ENJOYMENT, PAIR THIS POST WITH THESE SONGS:
The Librarian My Morning Jacket
“When God gave us mirrors, He had no idea”
“Karen of the Carpenters, singing in the rain… Another lovely victim of the mirror’s evil ways.”
“What is it inside of us, that makes us do the opposite, of what is good for us?”
Dixie Chicken Little Feat
“If you’ll be my Dixie Chicken, I’ll be your Tennessee Lamb, and we can walk together down in Dixieland.”
CandyMan Sammy Davis, Jr.
“Who can take tomorrow, dip it in a dream, Separate the sorrow, and collect up all the cream? The CandyMan can!
(But check out CandyMan by Roy Orbison from Black and White Night (1989) a lift from a concert on Cinemax. The backing band includes the Boss, Elvis (on harmonica!), and KD Lang and Bonnie Raitt on backup vocals. Among others)
And a DIY – – fill in your own words:
Watermelon Man Herbie Hancock