What if this is it, and we’re just staring into the abyss?

My St. James Catechism promised me eternal life, and that prospect is the basis of virtually every religion.

But what if atheists and agnostics are right?

Neither group is convinced there is a God – they have no invisible means of support – so they must believe this is it. But I’m sure they’re on their best behavior, just in case…

Being raised Catholic made things simple – keep the faith and you’ll live forever. And we felt superior, since the other religions were just barking up the wrong Deity.

You might be thinking: Last week we were talking about hurricanes, this week eternal life. What’s up?

The starkest of life contrasts; In the midst of Queenie and Pa duty with 6 of our grandchildren, we learned that one of our son’s good friends had committed suicide.

She was struggling mightily with depression, but fighting hard to get better, trying every solution imaginable. All while living a full, productive life. The classic “She seemed so strong and amazing, I had no idea”.

I used to buy the theory that “suicide was cowardly”, because you leave things to be dealt with by those left behind. But I now know that is harsh, and wrong.

Her suffering had to be overwhelming to make this choice, knowing the impact on her loved ones.  

We know way too much about suicide; it being the result of the mental health crisis raging in this country – the byproduct of the apparent self-belief issue so many suffer.  

As I wondered about ‘kids today’ (shakes fist resignedly), I wondered how we got here.

Our parents were the “Greatest Generation” who saved the world from ‘the ultimate evil’, came home to start families, and were committed to helping their children find better lives. While complicated, their lives seem simpler than ours. Oddly, they found a radio ventriloquist believable.  

Our generation dealt with Vietnam, Pee Wee Herman, and Watergate. The generation where trust in institutions and government went to die. But we found the better lives our parents enabled, and got to drink IPA on tap, so there’s that.

Were we then too involved in our children’s lives?

We tried to engineer their better world for our children: Raising a generation that got nothing lower than B, little harsh feedback, and was never to blame – I’ll deal with your teacher – and is now uncomfortable dealing with uncertainty, and for many, making their own decisions.

Add Covid lockdowns/isolation, and ‘screen fixation’, and you’ve got the mother of mental health crises.

Which has spawned twin epidemics: Suicide and opioid addiction; both ‘occurring in plain sight’, undetected by casual observers.

The human reaction to suicide/overdose is “I should have done more – done something”.

Which is well intentioned, but frequently a false read.

Our son’s friend had done everything she could, and then some.

And it still wasn’t enough.

So what to do?

Don’t judge.  Mental health struggles are a disease, frequently beyond the control of the afflicted.  It’s OK to talk about – silence begets stigma. A key thought for those who struggle is “It’s OK to not be OK.”

Reach out to those around you. Even a simple hello might be enough to change the trajectory of someone’s day.

If you take any of this for granted, you clearly aren’t paying attention.

If you have a loved one you haven’t told I love you lately, say it now, Always say it now. It might be the last thing you say to someone.

The solution?

A highly paid shrink might advise a good laugh, physical exercise, or volunteering.

Would that it were that simple…

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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Extraction Point  Mountain Goats Part of a fine new album

You never learn to tell the difference between
The probable projections and the best parts of the dream
The fragments that stick with you, the ones you really feel
Those parts aren’t real

But high in the cold Midwestern air
They shimmer before us there
Almost out of reach but not quite
Stay up thinking about it all night
Waited so long for days like these
I’m tired of living on my knees

Pull your hair back tight, head right for the extraction point
And if you don’t hear from me let them all go free

I’m on the Kennedy Expressway at dawn
Don’t know where we got this car from
I’m driving with the fog lights on
The angles you don’t plan for, the things you might have missed
Those things exist

But under the waxing winter sun
I feel like we’re almost gone
Just pick a lane and drive right through
Headed off to freedom with you
Dreams of the future up in the front of my mind
Leave a couple dozen bodies behind

Pull your hair back tight, head right for the extraction point
And if you don’t hear from me let them all go free

This Year  Mountain Goats

I broke free on a Saturday morning
I put the pedal to the floor
Headed north on Mills Avenue
And listened to the engine roar

My broken house behind me and good things ahead
A girl named Cathy wants a little of my time
Six cylinders underneath the hood crashing and kicking
Aha! Listen to the engine wine

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

I played video games in a drunken haze
I was 17 years young
Hurt my knuckles punching the machines
The taste of Scotch rich on my tongue

And then Cathy showed up and we hung out
Trading swigs from a bottle all bitter and clean
Locking eyes, holding hands
Twin high maintenance machines

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

I drove home in the California dusk
I could feel the alcohol inside of me hum
Pictured the look on my stepfather’s face
Ready for the bad things to come

I downshifted as I pulled into the driveway
The motor screaming out stuck in second gear
The scene ends badly as you might imagine
In a cavalcade of anger and fear
There will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

Summer’s End  John Prine

Summer’s end is around the bend just flying
The swimming suits are on the line just drying
I’ll meet you there per our conversation
I hope I didn’t ruin your whole vacation

Well you never know how far from home you’re feeling
Until you watch the shadows cross the ceiling
Well I don’t know but I can see it snowing
In your car the windows are wide open

Come on home
Come on home
No you don’t have to be alone
Just come on home

Valentines break hearts and minds at random
That ol’ Easter egg ain’t got a leg to stand on
Well I can see that you can’t win for trying
And New Year’s Eve is bound to leave you crying

Come on home
Come on home
No you don’t have to be alone
Just come on home

The moon and stars hang out in bars just talking
I still love that picture of us walking
Just like that ol’ house we thought was haunted
Summer’s end came faster than we wanted

Come on home
Come on home
No you don’t have to be alone
Come on home
Come on home
No you don’t have to be alone
Just come on home

Bobby Peru  Luna

I told lies to your family
Concerning your whereabouts
They feel so sorry for me
I invented jealous stories
My imagination ran wild
I made myself so angry
The night that you insulted me
I lay awake thinking

Clever things I could have said
My thoughts kept turning to Bobby Peru
How would he handle this one
‘S’ is for sorry for all that I did
Now is the time to turn it all around
I know what is the matter so why can’t I fix it
Forgive me please

I had lunch with an old girlfriend
Who knows all my faults
And pretends to want to help
She said I really don’t mind
Your keeping secrets from me
But please don’t keep them from yourself
Murder is bad, and suicide is sad
Why would a girl like that put her head in the oven?
You have your theories, and I got one too
It’s such a waste

Librarian  My Morning Jacket

Walk across the courtyard, towards the library
I can hear the insects buzz and the leaves ‘neath my feet
Ramble up the stairwell, into the hall of books
Since we got the interweb these hardly get used
Duck into the men’s room, combing through my hair
When god gave us mirrors he had no idea
Looking for a lesson in the periodicals
There I spy you listening to the AM radio
Karen of the carpenters, singing in the rain
Another lovely victim of the mirror’s evil way
It’s not like you’re not trying, with a pencil in your hair
To defy the beauty the good lord put in there
Simple little bookworm, buried underneath
Is the sexiest librarian
Take off those glasses and let down your hair for me
So I watch you thru the bookcase, imagining a scene
You and I at dinner, spending time, then to sleep
And what then would I say to you, lying there in bed?
These words, with a kiss, I would plant in your head
“What is it inside our heads that makes us do the opposite?
Makes us do the opposite of what’s right for us?
Cause everything’d be great, and everything’d be good
If everybody gave like everybody could”
Sweetest little bookworm
Hidden underneath
Is the sexiest librarian
Take off those glasses and let down your hair for me
Take off those glasses and let down your hair for me
Simple little beauty, heaven in your breath
The simplest of pleasures, the world at it’s best

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