I’ve finally found a grievance to call my own…
For those not paying attention, a grievance is a “real or imagined wrong, or other cause for complaint”, cousin to the ‘micro-aggression’, which is “a slight, intentional or not”. The latter could be having a door opened for you – or not.
In traffic, a micro-aggression leads to a honk, a grievance, road rage.
‘Safe spaces’ have sprung up so young people (shakes fist angrily!) won’t have to encounter a threatening micro-aggression. If you see a young person (that fist thing again!) in the fetal position, you’ll know the ‘safe space’ was full.
Or they may have been forced to listen to an opinion they didn’t agree with.
‘Trigger Warning’s help navigate one’s day: Stay home, the world is a terrifying place!
One can find micro aggressions everywhere they look, and then suffer a grievance.
And with an army of trial lawyers “fighting for justice”, then a class action suit.
Based upon recent personal experience, identifying how “I’ve been offended’ becomes a hobby and then a full-time job.
My Captor and I hit the grievance jackpot when we saw a report on ageism (“prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person’s age”), which has led us to find micro-aggressions/grievances everywhere:
Being asked “How are you feeling today?” implies that ‘Seniors’ are unhealthy;
Not being asked means they have no concern for their elders;
A waiter asking “How was your meal?” – is he wondering if we’ve lost our sense of taste?
Not being asked, Who cares, old people are crummy tippers.
Being offered the ‘senior discount’ – Morgan and Morgan on line 1!
But perhaps society’s most visible grievance is election theft – shouted by left and right – “heads I win, tails you cheated!” And with votes still being counted from the 2014 midterms, there could be cause for real offense.
Which explains all those losing candidates in the fetal position.
I was an early practitioner of “the election was stolen”, when in college I ran for class president on the “More mail, Better grades” platform.
When it was announced I’d lost – Voter suppression! My voters weren’t awake yet, the polls closed at noon! – my supporter and I stormed the Pub, where the winner, whose platform was “Free Beer”, was holding his victory party.
I funneled my concession speech.
But I finally understood grievances when I remembered that my family held grudges, which are essentially old school grievances.
So many grudges they couldn’t keep them all straight.
It was hard finding a date to prom, because every girl’s family had done something to offend our family, including asking my father “How are you feeling today?”.
But I wish I’d known about grievances when I was young, because we expected to be routinely offended by our parents, friends, and the educational system.
I thought about how Sister Mary Ulburninhell might have handled a student who said “I’m offended”, wondering how difficult it’d be to surgically remove a rosary.
I had a clear idea how my parents would handle “I’m offended”, after my brother asked for an allowance raise and was locked in a hot box with Sister Mary Ulburninhell.
And my friends were the worst offenders, as male sensitivity wasn’t discovered until 2015.
But the best part of my “I’m offended by whatever it was you did or didn’t do” is heading to my safe space, a local tavern.
And soon, I’ve forgotten why I was offended…
In closing, I apologize if any of this offended you.
If it did, meet me at the tavern: Nothing soothes a ‘micro-aggression’ like a micro-brew.
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Or just forward this to everyone you know. Forward it to those you aren’t fond of twice.
TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:
Say I had a lovely time Miracle Legion
You and your groovy friends are welcome anytime
Just bring a T-shirt and swim trunks
You can stay as long as you like
Cuz we’re well-rested and tested and the keys are on the counter
And we can speak a hundred tongues
But where you’re from it doesn’t really matter
Just as long as you say “I had a lovely time”
Just as long as you say “I had a lovely time”
Well they’re requesting the honor of your presence at the hotel
It’s just a handwritten sign, I hope you don’t mind
Cuz we’re well-rested and tested and the keys are on the counter
And we can speak a hundred tongues
But where you’re from it doesn’t really matter
Just as long as you say “I had a lovely time”
Just as long as you say “I had a lovely time”
Just as long as you say “I had a lovely time”
Just as long as you say “I had a lovely time”
She might be twelve
But she could be thirteen
She knows the way to hell
Because she’s already been
Crazy Mary Victoria Williams Great cover by Pearl Jam
She lived on the curve of the road
In an old tar-paper shack
On the south side of town
On the wrong side of the tracks
Sometimes on the way into town
We’d say ‘Mama, can we stop and give her a ride?’
Sometimes we did, but she shook her head and her hands flew from her side
Wild eyed, crazy Mary
Down a long dirt road
Past the parson’s place
An old blue car
We used to race
Little country store with a sign tacked to the side
Said ‘ No L-O-I-T-E-R-I-N-G allowed’
Underneath that sign always congregated quite a crowd
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around
One night thunder cracked mercy backed outside my windowsill
Dreamed I was flying high above the trees, over the hills
Looked down into the house of Mary
Bare bulb hung there, newspaper-covered walls
And Mary rising up above it all
The piano has been drinking (not me) Tom Waits
The piano has been drinking, my necktie is asleep
And the combo went back to new york, the jukebox has to take a leak
And the carpet needs a haircut, and the spotlight looks like a prison break
And the telephone’s out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
And the menus are all freezing, and the light man’s blind in one eye
And he can’t see out of the other
And the piano-tuner’s got a hearing aid, and he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
As the bouncer is a sumo wrestler cream-puff Casper milktoast
And the owner is a mental midget with the i.q. of a fence post
Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
And you can’t find your waitress with a Geiger counter
And she hates you and your friends and you just can’t get served without her
And the box-office is drooling, and the bar stools are on fire
And the newspapers were fooling, and the ash-trays have retired
Cause the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking, not me, not me, not me, not me, not me
Let’s All go to the bar Deer Tick
I don’t care if it rains
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I don’t care if there’s a hurricane
(Let’s all go to the bar)
And I don’t care if I’m the one to blame
(Let’s all go to the bar)
Gimme, gimme, gimme, I always want more
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I don’t wanna go to the liquor store
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I got enough at home for after last call
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I don’t care if you’re already drunk
(Let’s all go to the bar)
This is one night school that I won’t flunk
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I’m not gonna stand for being down on my luck
(Let’s all go to the bar)
Forget if you’ll regret it when the morning comes
We’ll have a heart attack, we’re having too much fun
If the cops show up we ought run, run, run
But we’ll laugh in their faces when they tell us we’re done
I don’t care if you puke in my ride
(Let’s all go to the bar)
Baby, just as long as you take your piss outside
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I don’t care what daddy says, you’re coming out tonight
(Let’s all go to the bar)
Pack of cigarettes and a fake ID
(Let’s all go to the bar)
We don’t like it baby if it don’t come cheap
(Let’s all go to the bar)
Now listen up, though, cause I don’t think you heard me!
Forget if you’ll regret it when the morning comes
We’ll have a heart attack, we’re having too much fun
If the cops show up we ought run, run, run
But we’ll laugh in their faces when they tell us we’re done
I don’t care if it rains
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I don’t care if there’s a hurricane
(Let’s all go to the bar)
I don’t care if I’m the one to blame
(Let’s all go to the bar)
Life’s Greatest Fool Guy Clark
Some walk out winners of those who’ve lost
Can it be said at any price this is the cost?
Hard is perception, easier is blame
Is this the only life for everyone?
Is it the same?
Children laugh and run away
While others look into the darkness of the day
Some streets are easy while some are cruel
Could these be reasons why man is life’s greatest fool?
Do you believe when you’re all alone
You held the key to your destiny gone?
Do you believe deep in your soul
That too much loneliness makes you grow old?
Words can be empty, though filled with sound
Stoned numb and drifting, hard to be profound
Formed out of pleasure, chiseled by pain
Never the highest and not the last one to gain