TIPPING

We appear to be back in self-imposed lockdown, but my captor and I went out the other night to pick up pizza. And that triggered:

 Old Man Rant (OMR) #107: Tipping.

When the server turned the Ipad for my signature, the first tip option was 30%. 30%!! The lowest was 18%. However, there was an ‘other’, where I entered ($30), so the pizza turned out to be free. Unfortunately, this is a tricky rant, because it can make one appear to be cheap when ranting about tipping… so this is a surgical rant, about the evolution of tipping. Back in the day, 15% recognized excellent service. Then 20%, then… 30%? And now that the server introduces themselves by name, shares pictures of their family and a slide show from a recent vacation, it makes it harder to only (only) tip 15%. And it makes it really tough to bolt the check…

Ranting gets complicated depending on the topic, and the mask situation might be the most contentious.

OMR #114A: Masks shouldn’t be mandated.  

This one is getting tougher to rant about, given the universal movement for mask wearing, so one might want to use their “inside rant” voice, or only rant around loved ones who already know you’re a bit of a bonehead. But you can imagine the ranting points: No one can tell me what to do, government overreach, next month the CDC will change their mind, Bill Nye is a poser – what does he know?  But one has to admit that mask wearing ain’t a great thing, so I avoid going out in public if at all possible. But I have attempted to wear a mask without wearing a mask: sort of James Dean style compliance. But the alternatives don’t work too well. Saran wrap covering makes it tough to breathe, the paper bag draws scowls for being anti-environment, and sections of the newspaper taped together are ineffective. And don’t get me started on wearing a mask after a night of drinking – an OMR unto itself.

OMR # 114B: Masks should be mandated.

While we once foolishly believed that George Washington was the Father of Our country (though among his many descendants are the Olsen twins and Secretariat), and that Honest Abe’s Bitchin’ Beard was for style and not to cover adult acne, we once believed that masks didn’t really work.

And while we now know that George cutting down the cherry tree was really the first step in developing 100 acres of prime land on the Potomac for the nation’s first strip mall, we also know that masks work. Or at least can’t hurt.  (And while we’re contemplating history, I believe Kent Hrbek illegally forced Brian Jordan off the bag and the call should be reversed).

I’m being careful to avoid “reformed smokeritis” when I’m wearing my mask and that guy over there isn’t. It gets complicated however. A benefit:  It can be hard to recognize people wearing their masks – I avoided a neighbor at the Winn Dixie today without being rude. An issue: Today at the store I renounced a fellow shopper three times before I realized Who it was. A big oops.  A source of humor: People driving in their cars with a mask on, surfing with a mask, and being buried wearing a mask.

But it appears masks are here to stay – at least half the country will wear one because the President won’t. And even Wal*Mart now requires them – maybe a dress code is next?

Editor’s note: You are correct, it was Ron Gant, not Brian Jordan.