Nope, ain’t doin’ it – not this year. Not springing ahead – or anywhere else.

It’s time to say enough! Call a spade a club. Roll over and go back to sleep.

Daylight Saving(s) Time (DST) is stupid.

And given all the stupid things I’ve done, I know stupid.

Like investing in BrittCoin – learned Britt couldn’t be trusted – getting in front of that family at the all-you can eat buffet, and thinking I looked good in a Speedo.  

My Captor and I now in a great routine – waking early, getting days in motion:

Beach walks, catching up on emails and social media – though my MySpace account’s been pretty quiet – to-do lists completed, ready for bed by 10P.

Sleeping peacefully after enjoying WOF/J hour and another Hallmark happy ending.

But then DS(s)T arrives, we spring ahead, and all hell breaks loose! (Shakes fist angrily – but not for another hour – this time change thing is confusing).

Then we’re walking the beach in the dark, going to bed in the light, sleeping until noon.

And suddenly news coverage dominated by anger over DST, and testimonials about its psychological damage.

And those wars, of course.

Misinformation abounding about DST’s origins.

Many believing it a WW1 ruse by the Germans, to stay one hour ahead of the enemy.

Or a ‘Lab leak’ from a Swiss clockmaker – a theory reviled as “Whatever racist remarks about the Swiss would be called”.

In reality, it was due to Woodrow Wilson choosing ‘dare’ at a drunken League of Nations party.

As with most government decisions/programs, no one wants to admit it was a stupid idea, so it gets annually renewed, starting earlier and ending later each year.

Until the year it starts and ends on the same Sunday, which may be our way out of this.

Central planning: What could go wrong?

Its defenders claiming it saves energy, makes you look 10 pounds lighter, and isn’t nearly as stupid as the Barbie movie – not buying it.

Would it surprise you:

To learn Congress has its own time zone, that doesn’t spring ahead?

The CDC guidance for DST is “Shelter in place until November”?  

Or with Shrinkflation, we’re only springing ahead by 47 minutes?

And it’s confusing: One saving(s) or more? How many hours are we ahead of Phoenix? How do I change the microwave clock?

So, not springing ahead this year, but prepared for the consequences:

Being an hour late – or early? for everything.

Accusations of “Swiss Bigotry”!

And Government burglars/agents arriving at my house – not about this time thing, but to seize our gas stove. And asking where I was on January 6th.

But there are benefits:

Enjoying time travel in my recliner, reliving my night/day psychotic episode from college.

Being an hour late- or early? – for everything.

Staying mentally sharp, figuring what time it really is. Might even puzzle out what 25or6to4 meant.

And DS(s)T the best excuse ever: You can blame anything on it!

“Made me late for work!” – still working in July.

“Wasn’t the IPAs, the time change!”

“I stormed the Capitol? Sleep deprivation!”

But God’s unhappy with man playing God: “Circadian rhythm’s perfect! Fix this, or 6 more weeks of Lent!”

Unleashing His fury in multiple ways – but even He’s been affected by the time(s) change:

He threatened Sodom and Gomorrah. It became Vegas’ most popular nightspot.

He gave us aging gracefully. It became embarrassing plastic surgery.

He sent the Tower of Babel. Perfected as Talk Radio, CNN and Fox News.

The DH, the music of ABBA, DST…

… Need any more proof there’s nothing man can’t screw up?

For 218 more posts like this –each with a wish for a hint on what time it really is– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

And I’m now on Substack at justluckytobehere.substack.com. Same stuff, but a different location.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Check out Rogue Wave, an Oakland, CA based band led by Zach Rogue, who started the band after losing his job when the dotcom bubble burst. Active ’02-present, a truly fun listen. I’ve added ‘Eyes’ ‘Harmonium’ ‘Chicago x 12’ ‘Lullaby’ ‘Like I needed’ and ‘Lake Michigan’ to the BATN playlist. A great Sunday morning listen: the Asleep at Heaven’s Gate CD.