Preferred getaway: Beach or lake?

Or if sand and nature bother you, being served drinks by a resort pool?

For purposes of today’s discussion, we omit the pool/drinks option, since that might actually be heaven.

We live at the beach, which is A-OK, but makes the beach not so much of a getaway.

But we have friends with a lake house, and spent the weekend there for a major birthday celebration (the birthday major, the celebration a blast).

And it made me wonder which is better, beach or lake?

Each has their charm, of course, so I evaluated them the way I approach daily life: What I like, what I’m terrified of.

As an aside, I read supply chain issues have now affected punctuation, the over-use of exclamation points !!!!  to demonstrate excitement/approval in posts and/or comments has led to a !!! shortage, and people have adapted by using periods… or (brackets) … or question marks???

There is a lot to like about the beach – relaxing in a beach chair, working a crossword puzzle, enjoying whatever’s in the cooler – any activity that can be combined with beer is A-OK. That’s why ax throwing, flossing and carjacking have become such popular sports.

There’s a lot to like about the lake –particularly if your friends have a pontoon boat, which is great for relaxing, enjoying whatever’s in the cooler, and waving to the other boaters.

The latter has a definite protocol: The captain does the one finger wave and nod – need to appear serious and on guard against mutiny; at least one passenger must give a quick single hand wave – a second signals a cringe worthy need for attention; and apparently, dropping trou is just for high schoolers.

The leisurely pontoon pace fostered a debate over whether water skiing is a sport: Have you ever seen a skier drinking a beer? (Case settled)…

But I seem to remember the Hamm’s Bear knocking one back while slaloming, so maybe.  

There’s much to be afraid of at the beach: jellyfish, the irrational predictability of the tide, hurricanes, and visitors from New York.

Turns out, there was a lot more to fear at the lake than just snakes, long drives to town, and creepy banjo music:

‘THE BEAR’

During our stay, ‘The Bear’ paid nightly visits to forage through the garbage, captured on video. Obtaining ‘The Bear’s’ release was a bit tricky…

Which was sorta fun until the bear made multiple daytime visits to forage through the garbage, which we saw up close: Hey, Boo Boo…

Most would turn to their Boy Scout training to deal with the bear, but since I failed the psychological exam I never joined.

We consulted YouTube, but after changing our oil, home brewing beer, and making a yummy pine cone cobbler, we realized we’d been distracted.

The anti-Bear solution was simple: Empty the garbage, clean the containers, and spray French perfume. Bears are notorious Francophiles…

The most effective deterrent though, was putting up a sign that read “Over there -Neighbors have better garbage.”

But on the way to the solution, the discussion became animated:

The need to secure the NC border to stop these illegal bears; is the horn used to frighten him an invasion of his privacy?; and enrolling him in community college so he can find a good job and quit freeloading.  

We didn’t see ‘The Bear’ again, but checked the car carefully before departing…

My ‘which is better’ debate remains unsettled.

The ultimate is to own a getaway in each location, so you have options.

Or to save money, choose your friends wisely…

For 119 more posts like this –each with a bear trap – go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or, at the site, leave a comment on this post, and then check the box that says “Please notify me of future posts” and you will be sent the newest Sunday update automatically.  

Or just forward this to everyone you know. Forward it to those you aren’t fond of twice.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Lost on the River #12/#20  Bob Dylan
Performed by Elvis Costello (#12) and Rhiannon Giddens (#20), both great 
The difference between #12 and #20? Don’t know – Dylan after all…
And why these lyrics are in a weird font, not sure. It is either the internet or another example of the failure of public education. But I tried to change. Sorry.
The tears of a lonely man are hidden within
As he moves from one woman to the next, his spirit grows thin
When he falls in love with one, it's hard but it's true
But it's oh so much harder when that woman is you
 
The leaves on the trees shake when the storm clouds appear
Just as I shake up inside when I follow you here
At your invitation to come to you, dear
 
I got lost on the river, but I got found
I got lost on the river, but I didn't drown
I got lost on the river, but I didn't go down
I got lost on the river, but I got found
 
I looked at the graze of blue where the light begins
Through the glass where the rays shot through caressing your skin
Like your invitation to follow you in
 
I got lost on the river, but I got found
I got lost on the river, but I didn't drown
I got lost on the river, but I didn't go down
I got lost on the river, but I got found

Escape (The Pina Colada Song)  Rupert Holmes

Everyone thinks this is a ‘love song’, when it’s actually about a couple who are both trying to hook up with someone else. Brings a tear to your eye, eh? But making love in the dunes makes it a beach song.

I was tired of my lady
We’d been together too long
Like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song

So while she lay there sleepin’
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read

If you like piña coladas
And gettin’ caught in the rain
If you’re not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like makin’ love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for
Write to me and escape

I didn’t think about my lady
I know that sounds kinda mean
But me and my old lady
Had fallen into the same old dull routine

So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I’m nobody’s poet
I thought it wasn’t half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas
And gettin’ caught in the rain
I’m not much into health food
I am into champagne
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon
And cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O’Malley’s
Where we’ll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes
And she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant
I knew the curve of her face

It was my own lovely lady
And she said, “Oh, it’s you”
Then we laughed for a moment
And I said, “I never knew”

“That you like piña coladas
And gettin’ caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
You’re the lady I’ve looked for
Come with me and escape”

Sea and Sand   The Who I’m a Quadrophenia man myself, but Tommy and Who’s Next? are deserted island quality

Here by the sea and sand         
Nothing ever goes as planned
I just couldn’t face going home
It was just a drag on my own
They finally threw me out
My mom got drunk on stout
My dad couldn’t stand on two feet
As he lectured about morality
Now I guess the family’s complete
With me hanging ’round on the street
Or here on the beach

The girl I love
Is a perfect dresser
Wears every fashion
Gets it to the tee
Heavens above
I’ve got to match her
She knows just how
She wants her man to be
Leave it to me

My jacket’s gonna be cut slim and checked
Maybe a touch of seersucker with an open neck
I ride a G.S. scooter with my hair cut neat
I wear my wartime coat in the wind and sleet

I see her dance
Across the ballroom
UV lights making stars shine
Of her smile
I am the face
She has to know me
I’m dressed up better than anyone
Within a mile

Oh, yeah
So how come the other tickets look much better?
Without a penny to spend they dress to the letter
How come the girls come on oh so cool
Yet when you meet ’em, every one’s a fool?

Come sleep on the beach
Keep within my reach
I just want to die with you near
I’m feeling so high with you here
I’m wet and I’m cold
But thank God I ain’t old
Why didn’t I say what I mean?
I should have split home at fifteen
There’s a story that the grass is so green
What did I see?
Where have I been?

Nothing is planned, by the sea and the sand

Fish and Whistle  John Prine

I been thinking lately
About the people I meet
The carwash on the corner
And the hole in the street
The way my ankles hurt
With shoes on my feet
And I’m wondering
If I’m gonna see tomorrow.

Father forgive us
For what we must do
You forgive us
We’ll forgive you
We’ll forgive each other
Till we both turn blue
Then we’ll whistle and go fishing
In heaven.

I was in the army
But I never dug a trench
I used to bust my knuckles
On a monkey wrench
Then I’d go to town and drink
And give the girls a pinch
But I don’t think
They ever even noticed me.

Fish and whistle
Whistle and fish
Eat everything
That they put on your dish
And when we get through
We’ll make a big wish
That we never have
To do this again
Again? again????

On my very first job
I said thank you and please
They made me scrub a parking lot
Down on my knees
Then I got fired
For being scared of bees
And they only give me Fifty cents an hour.

Five Pound Bass  Robert Earl Keen

Up this morning
Before the sun
Fixed me some coffee and a honey bun
Jumped in my pickup

Gave her the gas
I’m goin’ out to catch a five pound bass
Down by the lake side
Just off the ramp

All them people sleeping in their fising camp
Some out in the pup tents
Some out on the grass
They all be dreaming ’bout that five pound bass

The early birdie always gets his worm
Me I always get my wish
When you’re talking ’bout that five pound bass son
The early wormy gets the fish

Jumped in my john boat
I stow my gear
I fire her up and when I am in the clear
I sail across that water

As smooth as glass
Ready here I come you five pound bass
I find a perfect spot
Some old dead trees

Back in a canyon where you can’t feel no breeze
I tie my lure
I make my cast
It’s breakfast time you five pound bass

That old sun is rising
That water is clear
I watch my lure as it’s flying through the air
I see a ripple

I hear a splash
Lord have mercy, It’s a five pound bass

That’s a five pound bass son
Aw it’s big as a god damned baby

Chicago Bears Fight Song This song was a patronage project commissioned by Mayor Daley. Unclear which Mayor Daley…

Bear down, Chicago Bears
Make every play clear the way to victory!
Bear down, Chicago Bears
Put up a fight with a might so fearlessly
We’ll never forget the way you thrilled the nation
With your ‘T’ formation
Bear down, Chicago Bears
And let ’em know why you’re wearing the crown
You’re the pride and joy of Illinois
Chicago Bears, bear down!

Naked Man  Randy Newman You’ll sing this every time you leave the shower!

Old lady lost in the city
In the middle of a cold cold night
It was fourteen below and the wind start to blow
There wasn’t a boy scout in sight
Pull down the shades cause he’s comin’
Turn out the lights cause he’s here
Runnin’ hard down the street
Through the snow and the sleet
On the coldest night of the year

Beware beware beware of the Naked Man

Old lady head up toward Broad Street
Shufflin’ uptown against the wind
She had started to cry-wiped a tear from her eye
And looked back to see where she had been

Old lady stand on the corner
With a purse in her hand
She does not know but in a minute or so
She will be robbed by a naked man

Beware beware beware of the Naked Man

Old lady lean against a lamppost
Starin’ down at the ground on which she stand
She look up and scream
For the lamplight’s beam
There stood the famous Naked Man

He say, “They found out about my sister
And kicked me out of the Navy,
They would have strung me up if they could.
I tried to explain that we were both of us lazy
And were doing the best we could.”

He faked to the left and he faked to the right
And he snatched the purse from your hand
“Someone stop me, ” he cried,
As he faded from sight,
“Won’t nobody help a naked man?”
“Won’t nobody help a naked man?”

Beware beware beware of the Naked Man

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