Death is no laughing matter.
I learned that the hard way with my self-financed one-man musical comedy “Death is a laughing matter!”
The play was in 3 acts:
Act 1, A puppet show relating hilarious tidbits from Icelandic folklore, culminating in “Death by Herring”.
Act 2, I mimed famous deaths: Calvin Coolidge (died walking into the wind), Julius Caesar (drinking a glass of water), and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders (trapped in a box).
Act 3, Lying in state as Josef Stalin. The moustache was hard to pull off, but based upon the silence of the crowd, and their open-mouthed amazement, I nailed it.
We closed after one show, “leaving ‘em begging for more”. Reviews were ‘mixed’, but my cousin seemed to like it.
So, Death may not be that kind of funny, but …
Judgmentally Funny
Is there a ‘proper’ way to grieve? We’ve seen Dateline episodes where the police don’t believe the spouse is “reacting the way one expects”, or heard a surviving spouse trashed for “marrying too quickly”.
But looking for a new spouse at the funeral can be an effective strategy – we’re never more desirable than when we can be ‘nursed back to health’.
We do however, revel in the misery of the grieving – its potent media fodder as they jam a microphone in their face and ask “Is this the toughest loss of a loved one ever?”
Is it a human failing if I don’t find comfort in the suffering of others?
Is it a human failing if I can accept the loss of a pet? Even my own? Sorry Pey…
The only right way to grieve is the right way for you. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, it may never get better.
Forgiveness Funny
I don’t believe it’s my job to forgive; I’ll leave that up to God.
The obsession with forgiveness stems from religion. And the human need to ‘get off the hook’.
Catholics would do just about anything to be forgiven. While I wasn’t always sure what I needed to be forgiven for, it felt urgent. As kids, Saturdays were for Confession, where we detailed our ‘sins’ for the Priest, and received a prayer punishment. We then committed a new batch of sins, giving us something to talk about the next Saturday.
But for many, forgiveness is part of healing. Whatever works…
Remembering Funny
We remember those who have gone before us in our own way.
Some talk, some write, some mime their happiest memories.
I celebrate the Ides of March for my brother Dan, who was born on March 15th, and murdered by a drunk driver in 1989.
My commemoration of Dan’s birthday is an annual “waking fever dream”, where I imagine what his life would have been like, who he would be today. The common thread is he would have been a great father, husband, brother and friend.
Beers at the nifty 3/21/21 is last year’s ‘fever dream’.
But little moments can stir big memories.
Every now and then, what would have been a ‘shared moment’ startles me into remembrance, as when I imagined our conversation(s) when the Braves and UGA won titles.
However, with time details fade, and it’s harder to remember the little things – what was the last thing I said to him?
That I do consider a human failing…
What we learn funny
Closure might just be a concept, never fully attainable.
Are the little things really that big a deal?
“Enjoy every sandwich” Warren Zevon, as he neared the end of his battle with cancer.
If you have a loved one you haven’t told I love you lately, say it now. Always say it now. (It might be the last thing you say to them…)
If you take any of this for granted, you ain’t paying attention…
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TO ENHANCE YOUR READING ENJOYMENT, PAIR THIS POST WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:
Within You, Without You The Beatles
We were talking about the space between us all
And the people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth
Then it’s far too late
When they pass away
We were talking about the love we all could share
When we find it, to try our best to hold it there with our love
With our love, we could save the world, if they only knew
Try to realise it’s all within yourself
No one else can make you change
And to see you’re really only very small
And life flows on within you and without you
We were talking about the love that’s gone so cold
And the people who gain the world and lose their soul
They don’t know
They can’t see
Are you one of them?
When you’ve seen beyond yourself then you may find
Peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come when you see we’re all one
And life flows on within you and without you
Off He Goes Pearl Jam
For someone I never met, but wish I had; For someone I did meet, and glad I did
Know a man, His face seems pulled and tense
Like he’s riding on a motorbike
In the strongest winds, So I approach with tact
Suggest the he should relax, But he’s always moving much too fast
Said he’ll see me on the flip side, On this trip he’s taken for a ride
He’s been taking too much on, There he goes with his perfectly unkept clothes
There he goes
He’s yet to come back, But I’ve seen his picture
It doesn’t look the same up on the rack, We go way back
I wonder ’bout his insides,It’s like his thoughts are too big for his size
He’s been taken, where? I don’t know
Off he goes, with his perfectly unkept hope
There he goes
And now I rub my eyes, For he has returned
Seems my preconceptions are
What should have been burned
For he still smiles, And he’s still strong
Nothing’s changed, But the surrounding bullshit
That has grown
And now he’s home and we’re laughing
Like we always did
My same old, same old friend
Until a quarter to ten
I saw the strain creep in, He seems distracted
And I know just what is gonna happen next
Before his first step, He is off again
If we were Vampires Jason Isbell
It’s not the long, flowing dress that you’re in
Or the light coming off of your skin
The fragile heart you protected for so long
Or the mercy in your sense of right and wrong
It’s not your hands searching slow in the dark
Or your nails leaving love’s watermark
It’s not the way you talk me off the roof
Your questions like directions to the truth
It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we’ll get forty years together
But one day I’ll be gone
Or one day you’ll be gone
If we were vampires and death was a joke
We’d go out on the sidewalk and smoke
And laugh at all the lovers and their plans
I wouldn’t feel the need to hold your hand
Maybe time running out is a gift
I’ll work hard ’til the end of my shift
And give you every second I can find
And hope it isn’t me who’s left behind
It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we’ll get forty years together
But one day I’ll be gone
Or one day you’ll be gone
It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we’ll get forty years together
But one day I’ll be gone
One day you’ll be gone
Haitian Divorce Steely Dan My brother’s favorite Steely Dan song
Babs and Clean Willie were in love they said, So in love the preacher’s face turned red
Soon everybody knew the thing was dead
He shouts, she bites, they wrangle through the night
She go crazy, Got to make a getaway
Papa say
Oh – no hesitation, No tears and no hearts breakin’
No remorse, Oh – congratulations
This is your Haitian Divorce
She takes the taxi to the good hotel
Bon march¨¦ as far as she can tell
She drinks the zombie from the cocoa shell
She feels alright, she get it on tonight
Mister driver, Take me where the music play
Papa say
Oh – no hesitation
No tears and no hearts breakin’
No remorse
Oh – congratulations
This is your Haitian Divorce
At the Grotto, In the greasy chair
Sits the Charlie with the lotion and the kinky hair
When she smiled, she said it all
The band was hot so
They danced the famous Merengue
Now we dolly back, Now we fade to black
Tearful reunion in the USA
Day by day those memories fade away
Some babies grow in a peculiar way
It changed, it grew, and everybody knew
Semi-mojo, Who’s this kinky so-and-so?
Papa go
Oh – no hesitation
No tears and no hearts breakin’
No remorse
Oh – congratulations
This is your Haitian Divorce
If She Could Cry Miracle Legion
(Will I tell you how it is? Well I’ll tell you how it is)
If she could cry, I’m sure she would
the way you treated her, I never understood
If she could cry, I’m sure she would
the way you treated her, I never understood
If she could
She never noticed the way things changed
from rock to a hard place, she stayed the same
through all four seasons, she won’t complain
she had good reason and even more shame
The bad times came slowly, one plank at a time
And now you’re free to be lonely and she’s free to cry
The flames are fading, but you don’t care
She don’t mean nothin’, she’s not even there
I’ll see her there, standing tall, waiting, waiting waiting. She knows you’ll never call–you’ve taken her for granted, that’s what you’ve done. So come home, come home.
If she could cry, I’m sure she would
the way you treated her, I never understood
If she could cry, I’m sure she would
the way you treated her, I never understood
If she could cry, if she could cry, if she could cry
Gigantic Transatlantic Trunk Call Miracle Legion
I get a phone call tomorrow
I never knew a dime could bring such sorrow
Go away you say
Go away, go away
I get a phone call tomorrow
The first time you called in a month or two
But good news takes time
There’s a little bad news on the line
I get a phone call tomorrow
I’m staying here, I’m not coming home
Time changes, why?
Time changed and so did I
I get a phone call tomorrow
I’m happy now, I love you
Can I stay I say
Can I stay, can I stay
Danny Boy The Pogues and Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Sinead O’ Connor, Judy Garland, and a whole bunch more
O Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen and down the mountainside
The summer’s gone and all the roses falling
‘Tis you, ’tis you must go and I must bide
But come ye back when summer’s in the meadow
Or all the valley’s hushed and white with snow
‘Tis I’ll be here in sunshine or in shadow
O Danny boy, O Danny boy, I love you so
When winter’s come and all the flowers are dying
And I am dead, as dead I well may be
You’ll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an “Ave” there for me
But I shall hear though soft you tread above me
And all my grave shall warmer, sweeter be
And you will bend and tell me that you love me
And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me
O Danny boy, the stream flows cool and slowly
And pipes still call and echo ‘cross the glen
Your broken mother sighs and feels so lowly
For you have not returned to smile again
So if you’ve died and crossed the stream before us
We pray that angels met you on the shore
And you’ll look down, and gently you’ll implore us
To live so we may see your smiling face once more
Once more