Major League Baseball! (Shakes fist angrily!)

I’ve been Old Man Ranting about baseball for years: Games -too long! Season – too long! DH – Ooh Long, Chinese Communist Infiltrator!

Might be an age by-product, but virtually everything makes me angry – properly viewed.

And being angry can be a full-time hobby.

But based upon Twitter, social media, and fortune cookie fortunes, it appears to be everyone’s hobby…

I posted a sunrise on Instagram – derided as evidence of yellow supremacy! Too center of the universe focused! Copernicus Apologist!

And a recent fortune was “Wise man shake fist angrily!”

I loved baseball when I was young – pick-up games, listening on the radio, collecting baseball cards.

Our sandlot games were low tech, as was little league; upon signup, we were given a team shirt and hat, we wore jeans and tennis shoes – which after reading about Ty Cobb, I sharpened for max intimidation.

Unfortunately, our league was underfunded and could only afford three balls and two strikes per hitter.

And uniforms were bought in bulk- one season, every team was the Pirates, who went undefeated.

Baseball was made for radio, and we learned to love the announcers.

On a clear night, we could get Jack Buck on St. Louis’ KCMO.

Who can forget his Ozzie Smith, Kirk Gibson, and Kirby Puckett HR calls – the latter’s “See you tomorrow night” still stinging.

But baseball cards were the thing!

I have more than 100,000 cards, exact number uncertain – while counting, I got to 97,332, was interrupted and lost count, so I’m not totally sure.

We all hunted Mickey Mantle cards, but a favorite was the ’64 Topps Jim Umbricht of the Colt 45s. The card back had a square highlighting “Jim Umbricht passed away on April 8, 1964”. Mortality contemplation? No, just looked cool.

Another favorite was the “Babe Ruth’s Train Mishaps” set, chronicling embarrassing bar car incidents on long train trips.

We never put cards in our bicycle spokes, and traded reluctantly. The kid down the street traded me a Whitey Ford for a checklist – it had all the players! I still worry about that kid…     

But my cards ended up in a downstairs closet, much like Kane’s sled.

Until my grandsons (re)discovered them: Pa, there are 13 Hank Aarons in this box! Pa, will Ted Williams hit .300 after he’s unfrozen? Pa, did Jim Umbricht suffer much?

It was inspiring – my baseball cards got love again!

The reason I’d bought them – not investment potential.

I’m still holding onto my Mickey Mantle cocktail stirrer, though.

A vivid reminder sports are a shared passion, passed Father to son.

And your favorite sports era is when you’re young.

For a moment, I was 12 again, my Dad, Dan and I on the train to KC, to see Mickey Mantle, because we loved the Mick and Dad loved trains, he fearing the days numbered for each.

His a gruff exterior, it was his warmest Dad thing ever.

The Mick didn’t do much, but a trip that lives forever.

The boys gave me hope that baseball can be fun again.

Maybe.

While working at the Coca-Cola Co., we joked “Coke is a trademark even we can’t kill”, New Coke proving us right. Baseball owners used replacement players during a player strike – the message being “Anyone can play this game” – so I’m skeptical they even fully understand its charms.

Apparently, the pitch clock is working to speed play – hopefully it ends better than our ‘beer an inning’ clock.  

The boys headed home having added lots of ‘cool’ cards to their binders, but my gift to them was not spoiling their youthful enthusiasm with old man cynicism.

Though the real gift was the one they gave me…

For 160 more posts like this –each with a wish for Ted William’s eyesight – go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONG:

In college, we’d attend Baltimore Orioles games at the OLD Memorial Stadium, where center field bleacher seats were 85 cents. But it provided the opportunity to watch Paul Blair patrol center – he one of the great defensive center fielders ever. I still have the occasional dream where I AM Paul Blair… One of the coolest positions in sports – – take a moment to imagine Willie Mays, Ken Griffey Jr. Andruw Jones, or Curt Flood, while you listen to John Fogerty. I wore out Bayou Country, but there’s a lot in the CCR catalog, all of which has held up beautifully.

And now’s a good time to recall my favorite Casey Stengel story: A rookie third baseman was having a tough day in the field, and Casey was riding him from the dugout. The player finally threw his glove down, stormed off the field and told Casey “If you’re so great, you play 3rd!” Casey did. He missed a grounder, dropped a pop up and missed another grounder. He slammed down his glove and said “You’ve got the position so screwed up, nobody can play it!”

Centerfield  John Fogerty

Well, I beat the drum and hold the phone
The sun came out today
We’re born again, there’s new grass on the field
A-roundin’ third, I’m headed for home
It’s a brown-eyed handsome man
Anyone can understand the way I feel

Oh, put me in coach, I’m ready to play today
Put me in coach, I’m ready to play today
Look at me, I can be centerfield

Well, I spent some time in the Mudville Nine
Watching it from the bench
You know I took some lumps
When the Mighty Casey struck out
So say, “Hey Willie, tell Ty Cobb and Joe DiMaggio”
Don’t say it ain’t so you know the time is now

You got a beat up glove, a homemade bat
And a brand new pair of shoes
You know I think it’s time to give this game a ride
Just to hit the ball an’ touch ’em all a moment in the sun
It’s-a gone and you can tell that one goodbye

Oh, put me in coach, I’m ready to play today
Put me in coach, I’m ready to play today
Look at me, I can be centerfield  

2 comments

  1. Wow Jim!!! This one made me tear up! Aaah the summers at Fenway and the pick up games we would have with the neighbors on Legion rd growing up in a small town outside of Boston!! Although, sadly, we did put our cards in our bike spokes!! Growing up in a family of 4 girls, no boys, warm memories of my dad taking one girl to each of the ‘1975 playoff games agains the A’s and then the World Series against the Reds, we lost on 7. Congrats on the grandkids carrying on the love of it all!!
    Xoxox Andrea C.

  2. Any other people you enjoyed baseball with through the years? I think needing to sleep with the tickets could’ve made the cut.

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