SOUTH OF THE BUC-EE’S

Anything more American than Mexican food?

Anywhere more fun than South of the Border? Their billboards more ‘entertaining’ than the old Burma Shave signs:

Only 200 miles to see Pedro,

Mexican themed ‘chuckles’ every 10 miles or so,

Sombrero restaurant quite nice,

We have gas, beer, chalupas and rice,

The burritos: Chicken, beef or pork,  

If you don’t stop, you’re a hungry dork.

For non-southerners – or those not paying attention – SOTB in South Carolina, on the North Carolina border. Or in NC – who knows? treaty still being negotiated. Started in 1949, selling ‘fun’ items, but took off when I-95 completed in 1964.

Their billboards featuring Pedro, a contemporary of the Frito Bandido, and rhymes/puns that sometimes border on derogatorily-Mexican. A ‘favorite: “You never sausage a place, You’re always a wiener at Pedro’s”. But during my stop there, enjoyed their “Salute to Yard Crews” spectacular.

If you agree “Sombreros on Halloween are appropriational, offensive, should be banned before they’re burned up by climate change”, you’ll likely be offended by SOTB billboards.

Me, I yearn for when comedy was cruel, so OK with it. And went as a ghost on Halloween, which could be the ultimate in ‘white privilege’, or white laziness. My moneyed friends did as well – but wore fitted sheets.

In a quiet moment, I’ll admit I enjoy the billboards, but they aren’t as intriguing as the Asian spa billboards, and their promise of 10% off when you bring your own disinfectant, making one wonder…

But interstate travel took a dramatic upswing in 1992, when the first Buc-ee’s opened in Lake Jackson, TX.  And began expanding a couple of years later. There are now 63 stores, in 11 states, 46 of the locations in Texas.

Virtually all the stores in the south, with one in Colorado and oddly, none in Oregon.  

I’ll admit I’d never been to Bucc-ee’s, My Captor and I of the 7-minute Road trip stop, fearful of spending hours in the store, enjoying brisket and other fresh foods – and chatting with the overly tall beaver. And counting the gas pumps and bathroom stalls, the lore there are 80-100 of each – one employee’s full-time job ensuring the restroom is clean. The bathrooms voted as ‘America’s cleanest’ during a recent Super Bowl halftime salute to Indoor Plumbing, sponsored by the gastroenterologist society.

But a couple of years ago, the word spread we were getting a Bucc-ee’s in Brunswick at exit 42, and it was TRUE.

We drove past the construction when we left town, and they made quick progress – this not CA, there weren’t 5 years of environmental checks, and being GA extra points for disturbing ancient burial grounds – and there were quickly 4 new round-a-bouts in front of the store.

A 2 day ‘shake-down’ opening, first responders eating free, the grand opening 7/1.

The owner Arch ‘Beaver’ Allyn was there, a number of political functionaries, and lots of visitors – one man at his 51^st grand opening, two more than the owner, everyone heading in to experience the sights, smells and brisket. And restrooms.

But not me.

I sat in the parking lot for the longest time.

But I couldn’t go in – couldn’t do it.

I could smell the brisket, imagine how clean the bathrooms were, how witty the beaver was.

In my confusion, I even thought I could see the beaver waving me in.

But decided it was more than I could handle – too much Brisket, Bathrooms, Beaver -overloaded sensory overload!

Driving away, planning to stop at SOTB on our next trip north…

And waiting to see if our rumored Costco is happening.

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ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

Waxahatchie is Katie Crutchfield, with the appropriate twang for an Alabama born singer. I’ve added ‘Witches’ ‘Right Back to it’ ‘3 sisters’ and ‘Lilacs’ to the BATN playlist, but she has released 6 albums, all worth a listen. Weirdly, she lives in Overland Park, KS.