SING ALONG WITH MITCH!

Is anyone happy with themself?

Maybe it’s just January, but everyone’s on a self-improvement diet.

Dry January, join a health club, read the great books, achieve your resolutions – all in the aim of being a Better You!

Expectations are a bitch. As most of us are discovering, tempering our January expectations: Semi-dry January, the gym a day a week, read the great Cliff notes, work on our remaining attainable resolution – all to be a slightly Better Me!

But today’s the 19^th, within a week a beer every night at 5, the gym will be safe for regulars again, libraries will be closing early, and what resolutions?

That sound you hear Eeyore chuckling to himself…he knew how this self-improvement thing would turn out.

But maybe it’s a case of misplaced expectations: We try and do too much, when incremental progress is what we should shoot for.

This thought train following a conversation about self-improvement books, my friend’s theory they’re all based upon Biblical quotes, and you should just cut out the middle-prophet and buy yourself a bible.

As a Catholic, I wasn’t allowed to read the Bible or Moby Dick, so I took his word for it, but it made me wonder if music might work as well.

Hey, If Bible quotes can provide a guide to life, why not rock music?

“Well I woke up this morning, and had myself a beer, The futures uncertain, the end is always near”    The Doors Land Ho                                                                                                                                         Jim Morrison was correct – beer me, the hell with Dry January!

“Don’t you think I know walking on water won’t make me a miracle man?                                                       Elvis Miracle Man                                                                                                                                Expectations are a bitch.

“That what you fear the most will meet you halfway”.                                                                                 Victoria Williams Crazy Mary                                                                                                                              Your biggest fear wakes you in the middle of the night. That and a weak prostate.

“The same dudes you misuse on the way up, you might meet up on the way down”.                                Allen Toussaint On Your Way Down                                                                                                                       Be nice to people. Less work than being mean.

“I had lunch with an old girlfriend who knows all my faults, and pretends she wants to help,                    She said I really don’t mind you keeping secrets from me, Please don’t keep them from yourself”         Luna Bobby Peru                                                                                                                                              The truth will set you free!

“I wish the world was flat like the old days, And you could travel just by folding a map”                        Death Cab The New Year                                                                                                                              Beware the Tech-Industrial Complex! I think that’s what the teleprompter said.  

“Mama always told me not to look into the sights of the sun, But Mama that’s where the fun is!”      Bruce Blinded by the Light                                                                                                                                    It’s how I’ve lived my life! Hope it goes better for you!

“Is there anything a man don’t stand to lose when the devil comes to take it all away?’                            The Dead Mexicali Blues                                                                                                                                       And make your car payments!

“But I’m just a bunch of words in pants, and most of those are fiction!”                                                         Waterboys Long Strange Golden Road                                                                                                        And probably mis/disinformation!                                                                                                                                                                      

“It’s my gradual descent into a life I never meant”                                                                                              Rilo Kiley A Man/Me/Then Jim                                                                                                                              Oh no, it might already be too late for a better you!

And a movie line to cap it off and provide a ray of hope:                                                                                    But Charlie, remember what happened to the man who got what he always wanted – He lived happily after! Willy Wonka                                                                                                                                                       You deserve happiness! And chocolate!

But if the self-improvement thing doesn’t work out, do what everyone else does: Trash your fellow man on social media. You’ll feel better by comparison!

For 273 more posts like this –each with a wish for the key of G– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

I’ve added to the BATN playlist all the songs mentioned above that weren’t already there. ‘Long Strange Golden Road’  ‘Mexicali Blues’  ‘Blinded by the light’  ‘The New Year’  ‘On Your Way Down’ ‘Bobby Peru’  ‘Crazy Mary’  ‘Miracle Man’  ‘Land Ho’. Enjoy.

I was excited to learn the Equal Rights Amendment had been added to the constitution! By tweet! Next is the law I’ve been working on requiring an IPA on tap everywhere!