Lent has arrived – just in time for more failed resolutions.

Unfulfilled New Years Resolutions a distant memory, time for the self-improvement reset button!

For Christians, Lent the 40-day period pre-Easter, when Christ spent time in the desert praying and fasting before His crucifixion.

And ‘giving something up for Lent’ a modest commemoration.

For Catholic kids, it was another opportunity for The Nuns to remind we were “Failures in the eyes of God – better give something up to get back on His good side”.

Except for that obnoxious kid who got a pass for knowing how the timing of Easter Sunday was calculated – those the days before googling something multiple times to finally remember the answer.

Oddly, New Year’s and Lenten resolutions are different: The former focused on self-improvement for a better you, the latter on sacrifice.  

That perhaps because The Nuns were trained to ‘beat the sin out of us’ but weren’t trained to beat goodness into us – so Lent was critical if we wanted to avoid God’s wrath and escape landing in hell…

Which led to confusion: Why was God so wrathed up? Why was hell so accessible? It felt permanent – and rough – confirmed by our friend communicating via Ouija Board to his dead uncle who ouijied back “Hell is pretty rough”.   

So “What are you giving up for Lent?” routinely asked by parents and teachers – you better have a good answer ready.

As kids, the world still in B/W, not much pleasure to forgo, we gave up things like riding our bike, sweets, and Ike. I really liked Ike.

And the pressure relaxed after about a week, so all clear.

My adult ‘Lent strategy’: giving up things I don’t use, do or do well. I’ve given up: penicillin (allergic), whiskey (no longer allowed to visit Vermont), and NASCAR theme parties.

But My Captor ‘urged’ me to really give up something, and become a better me – once again she was right – has she ever not been?

And she so forgiving after her Captee forgot Valentine’s Day and bought her an Ash Wednesday card instead.

So, I’ve given up using the F word.

I don’t use it that often anyway, try not to use it in front of women, pets or political prisoners – but it is fun to say occasionally, and sometimes it just F’ing works.  

So, if I do use it, I use my inside voice – and don’t watch streaming series where it’s every 3rd word, to avoid F’ing recidivism.

But after watching an Irish movie, I’ve substituted fecking. Not sure what it means, but they used it a lot, it worked as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb – even a gerund! – and unfeckingbelievably fit in the middle of a word. This sacrifice I’m fecking killing!  

A tip of my cap to My Captor, who was fecking spot on! I’m such a fecking better person now – it worked so well I gave up 11 other swear words…

But then a knock came at the door – it was an altar boy from the local parish selling dispensations.

And I was reminded how Catholics ‘beat the system’: Dispensations the Church’s permission to put our Lenten sacrifices on hold for a day…

… Sundays were dispensed – all the candy we could eat! – St. Patrick’s Day of course, Andy Rooney’s birthday, the Pope’s Bar Mitzvah – they even made great raffle prizes.

Truly American: Buy your way out of suffering!

I bought a Dispensation Coupon Book, and I’m clear through Lent 2026 – they make great fecking gifts!

To paraphrase Nick the Bartender: “Get me! I’m giving out dispensations!”

For 215 more posts like this –each with a wish for a hint on true sacrifice– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

And I’m now on Substack at justluckytobehere.substack.com. Same stuff, but different location.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Matt Pond PA is a long time favorite, and a good Sunday listen. The albums Dark Leaves or Emblems come recommended. I’ve added ‘New Hampshire’, ‘Halloween’, ‘The Crush’ and ‘Closest (Look Out)’ to the BATN playlist, which is orbiting somewhere over your head.

The final song contains a favored lyric: “Look out, there is danger. Even in the simple word hello.”