Rites of Passage

Rites of Passage. The sequel.

All over again.

Parenting is a serious slog, relieved by occasional fun moments – like being held prisoner in the brig by pirates, but allowed 30 minutes a day up on deck – and would be so much easier if there weren’t children involved…

But the fun moments make it worthwhile.

My Captor and I were reminded of that when a trio of our grandchildren arrived for a beach week. Their Mother came with. Somebody had to drive them, I guess.

It is a lesson our parents (and every preceding generation of parents) could have shared, but we had to grasp for ourselves:  It is the moments –and the rites of passage –that make parenting worth the effort. Moments we celebrate and ultimately cherish.

And post on Instagram.

Those rites now begin even before children are born, with the modern tradition of gender reveal parties, which last a week to cover all the possibilities.  

In our day there were sex reveal parties, which given the lack of science, consisted of a few brief descriptors, and maybe a hand gesture or two, shared with friends.

Next is the actual birth, live streamed.

As children grow up, true parenting satisfaction is in the ‘teaching moments’:

Learning to ride a bike, a less nerve wracking precursor to learning to drive and their driver license.  Soon followed by their first ticket, and for boys between 16 and 18, an accident.

Teaching them to swim – which like most of parenting can be outsourced (if only that included potty training). This enabled a ‘memory moment’ when the kids swam to ‘the sandbar’, which years from now will be a lot closer than it seemed this week. However, once they learn to swim, they will join swim team, tanking any plans you might have made for the summer.

Throwing and catching a baseball, leading to joining a baseball team, making a travel team, and tanking any remaining free time not tanked by swim team.

And later, financial literacy, beginning with their first checking account (I’ve given up the fantasy of seeing one of my kids balance their checkbook), leading to their first overdraft, and later being defrauded in a bitcoin scam.

They spend their formative years in school. This can be bittersweet, as they begin forming lives that don’t always include us. But kids are reassured by the poster of dos and don’ts parents leave in their locker, and frequent calls to their teachers to see how they’re doing.

Preschool, and preschool graduation, black tie preferred, beginning the school process.

The first day of kindergarten is totally Instagram worthy, when you begin learning how good a job of character development you’ve done. And if they ride the bus, learning words you may have never heard before.

Later, high school, when history repeats and you’re up at night again.

Then college. Hopefully to a location worth visiting for parents weekend, where you can relive your childhood.

And through all the phases and milestones, living through those times when you don’t get along so well with your children; you questioning where they got their irritating habits, they wondering why you’re so clueless.   

But for a glorious week, time paused, and we were able to enjoy them in their current state of development.

And we will, like our parents before us, live vicariously as we watch who they become.

We’re enjoying it while it lasts, because someday they will grow up and be like their parents.

Which might just be the ultimate rite of passage…

And a good thing.

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Young at Heart Frank Sinatra  My Father-Daughter dance with Emily

Fairy tales can come true
It can happen to you if you’re young at heart
For it’s hard, you will find
To be narrow of mind if you’re young at heart

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on it’s way

Don’t you know that it’s worth
Every treasure on earth to be young at heart
For as rich as you are
It’s much better by far to be young at heart

And if you should survive to a hundred and five
Look at all you’ll derive out of bein’ alive
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart

And if you should survive to a hundred and five
Look at all you’ll derive out of bein’ alive
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart

Forever Young  Bob Dylan  My Father-Daughter dance with Katharine

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the light surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young
May you stay forever young

My Darling  Wilco

Same thing every time, alright
I’m ready

Go to sleep now, my darling
I’ll try keep the bad dreams away
Breathe now, breathe easier
And I’ll think of all the right things to say

Because we made you, my darling
With the love in each of our hearts
We were a family, my darling
Right from the start

Grow up now
Please, don’t you grow up too fast
And be sure
To make all the good times last

Because we made you, my darling
With the love in each of our hearts
We were a family, my darling
Right from the start

I Don’t Want to Grow Up  The Ramones

When I’m lyin’ in my bed at night
I don’t want to grow up
Nothing ever seems to turn out right
I don’t want to grow up

How do you move in a world of fog that’s
Always changing things
Makes wish that I could be a dog

When I see the price that you pay, I don’t want to grow up
I don’t ever want to be that way, I don’t want to grow up

Seems that folks turn into things
That they never want, The only thing to live for is today…

I’m gonna put a hole in my T.V. set
I don’t want to grow up
Open up the medicine chest
I don’t want to grow up

I don’t want to have to shout it out
I don’t want my hair to fall out
I don’t want to be filled with doubt
I don’t want to be a good boy scout
I don’t want to have to learn to count
I don’t want to have the biggest amount
I don’t want to grow up

Well when I see my parents fight
I don’t want to grow up
They all go out and drinkin’ all night
I don’t want to grow up

I’d rather stay here in my room
Nothin’ out there but sad and gloom
I don’t want to live in a big old tomb on
Grand street
When I see the 5 o’clock news
I don’t want to grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don’t want to grow up

Stay around in my old hometown
I don’t want to put no money down
I don’t want to get a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don’t want to float on a broom
Fall in love, get married then boom
How the hell did it get here so soon

I don’t want to grow up

Love. Love, Love   Mountain Goats

King Saul fell on his sword when it all went wrong
And Joseph’s brothers sold him up the river for a song
And Sonny Liston rubbed some tiger balm into his glove
Some things you do for money and some you do for love, love, love

Raskolnikov felt sick, but he couldn’t say why
When he saw his face reflected in his victim’s twinkling eye
Some things you’ll do for money and some you’ll do for fun
But the things you do for love are going to come back to you one by one

Love, love is going to lead you by the hand, Into a white and soundless place

Now we see things as in a mirror, dimly, Then we shall see each other face to face

And way out in Seattle, young Kurt Cobain
Snuck out to the greenhouse, put a bullet in his brain
Snakes in the grass beneath our feet, rain in the clouds above
Some moments last forever, but some flare out with love, love, love