REUNIONS

You haven’t changed a bit! You look exactly the same!

Felt great to hear at a recent reunion, but as a confirmed skeptic, I knew better…

We recently attended My Captor’s 50^th high school reunion in Chicago, lucky to weekend reune with family, friends and classmates – a total blast, further eroding my reunion aversion.

But reunions are different when they’re your Captor’s – people don’t remember you from the past, and aren’t really that interested in learning more about you – Who/How are You? being rhetorical questions.

Which makes the ‘Name Tag game’ loads of fun.

To play, you must arrive early and scoop up as many name tags as people you’ll want to be, careful to change them out after each embarrassing incident or conversation – almost like an Invisibility Cloak.

Avoid last names, if possible.

Complemented by the ‘Backstory Game’, each name tag a new personal history.

The night was fascinating: I met the mayor of Muncie, In., the inventor of silly putty, and the tallest man alive – who took his shoes off so we could fact check. Doubt he was even top 10…

And some guy who had worked at Coke his entire career.

That last thing might have been talking to myself in the restroom mirror – it was a wild night.

But one caution: Do not try to pick up chicks at your Captor’s reunion.

Now I’m no expert on reunions – but with the right name tag I’ll try – but I noticed they change over the years.

At the 10^th, there were lots of Mercedes – all appearing to be rentals – at the 50^th, everyone Ubering, since no one could see to drive at night.

At the 10^th, people tried to impress with how much money they made, at the 50^th people envied anyone who didn’t have cancer, or their original hips.

At the 10^th, stock tips were hot information, at the 50^th it was all about supplements: Turmeric! Magnesium! Ozempic IPA!

At the 10^th, we lied about ourselves, at 20/30 we lied about our kids, at 50 our grandkids.

At the 10^th, everyone headed to another bar afterwards, the 50^th starting and ending much earlier – what time is Jeopardy on in Chicago?

While we avoided discussing world affairs -even when wearing a Nikki Haley name tag – not everything changed: At the 10^th, inflation was out of control and the Mideast on the verge of war, at the 50^th…

An interesting part of any return to one’s alma mater is the ‘facilities tour’, where one is over/under whelmed depending upon their condition.

Both cause for an Old Man Rant!

If the school looks the same – What the hell did you do with all the Capital Campaign $?

If it looks better, with a new vegan cafeteria, pool, learning center, senior lounge – Why did you waste all that money on Kids Today? (Shakes Fist Angrily!) We only had a shuffleboard court! And Saturday Bingo!

Almost as irritating are the “Kids today are so smart” updates – colleges proudly announcing “98% of our incoming freshmen can read at a 9^th grade level! And 100% took the SAT!”

While I had fun, and look forward to the 100^th., , more F U N would have been ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ night activities:

The Mean Girl Dunking Booth – Still washing your hair Saturday night?

Class Jock Letter Sweater Burning – I should have lettered for debate!

Stoner Bong Room – What? Its legal now?

Valedictorian Locker Stuff – And take your slide rule with you!

At night’s end, I was voted ‘best personalities’ – better yet, I still have plenty of name tags for upcoming Holiday parties!

For 191 more posts like this –each with a wish for a hint on who these people are– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Is there a more poignant song about catching up with old loves than Yellow Coat by Steve Goodman? Very evocative, which is as much fun to use in a sentence as poignant…

Goodman was a Chicago folk artist who died in 1984, but had an extensive catalog that included : City of New Orleans, Banana Republics (a Jimmy Buffet hit), You Never Even Call me By My Name, A Dying Cub Fan’s Last Request, Go Cubs Go! And My Old Man (if you can listen to that without crying, you’re a better man than I).

Fun fact: Was scheduled to sing the national anthem before the Cub’s ’84 playoff game – first in 39 years – but had died, and was replaced by Jimmy Buffett.

Did a lot in 36 years. Great Sunday morning listening.

Yellow Coat

It’s a long time since I saw you last
So tell me how you’ve been
Did you ever get to buy that yellow coat?
Do the flowers in your window box
Still smile when you walk in?
Did you read the letters that I wrote?
And I’ve been on the road since Christmas
But it don’t seem so long
Outside of that there isn’t much to say.
I cut down on my drinkin’ some
And wrote another song
I wish you wouldn’t look at me that way
Remember all the mornings
We’d walk around the park
The nights we babysat for Billy’s kids
And all the times we used to talk
Of having one ourselves
I don’t remember why we never did
Do the neighbors still complain a bit
When the music gets too loud?
Does your old cat still sleep up on the bed?
And do you still walk around
With your head up in the clouds?
Have you heard a single thing I’ve said?
It’s a two day drive to New York
Guess I’d better go
Have you noticed the weather’s gettin’ cold?
And it’s a long time since I saw you last
Tell me how you’ve been
Did you ever get to buy that yellow coat?
Did you ever get to buy that yellow coat?