In the spirit of “Those who can’t do, teach”, here’s a helpful guide to Resolution setting.
As 2023 ends, our attention turns to ‘New Year, New Us’.
Building resolution(s) a TACIT ADMISSION WE’RE UNHAPPY WITH WHO WE ARE (Personal resolution #1: Disable caps lock).
Resolution setting, ignoring prior decades of failed resolutions, because this year will be different!
Meanwhile, our old friend Eeyore doesn’t make New Year’s Resolutions (NYR). He knows their futility and figures “Why bother?”
But that doesn’t stop the rest of us…
Like children, Resolutions are fun to conceive, hard to live with.
The issue with New Year’s Resolutions (NYR ) is the lack of an achievable plan.
We write resolutions: Lose 40 pounds, learn a foreign language, convert the rest of the world from the metric system – – But no plan, no success…
Instead of just resolving to lose 40 pounds by July 1st, a realistic plan would guarantee success and a new you! Set a goal to lose one pound per month January through May, and 35 in June. Boom, you’re there!
Most lists start with Dry January, which can’t come soon enough.
While “I’m gaining weight to play ‘fat’ Jake LaMotta in a community playhouse Raging Bull production” seems to satisfy ‘girth questions’, it’d be great to lose a few.
Allegedly, Dry January has benefits beyond weight loss, but after having tried it the prime benefit appears to be the arrival of February.
But on the way to a ‘Better You’ each month is an opportunity for self-improvement!
‘Mulligan February’ brings Lent and the chance for a whole new set of resolutions/sacrifices.
‘Wet March’ capitalizes on great March occasions like St. Patty’s Day or taking shots for knowing how the date of Easter is calculated. And if we feel better about ourselves by rebounding from a series of embarrassing incidents: March the month to set the bar LOW.
‘Semi-dry April’ will make your friends say “What was up with him in March? He’s so much more adult now!” And you definitely want to be clear headed when cheating on your taxes.
‘Spring has sprung, May’ allows you to finally use that Christmas gift leaf blower to blow Spring debris into the neighbor’s yard, terminating the “Be a better neighbor” resolution.
‘Patriotism June’ is all about Flag Day and our patriotic spirit – like your “Go back where you came from” fireworks display to welcome your new ‘foreign’ neighbors.
‘Bathing Suit July’ the inspiration for “Lose 40 pounds, II”, particularly after the neighborhood petition asking you to never wear a Speedo again.
‘Back to School August’ – committing to ‘being a better parent’, after feeling guilty (a little) about your relief the kids are back in school.
‘No Hope September’ – the time to finally admit that “there’s no hope, we’re doomed to repeat our mistakes throughout eternity”. That sound you hear Eeyore laughing.
‘Respiratory Disease October’ will be about the mix of weird diseases -Covid/RSV/Flu – swirling, and the CDC direction to “Get the current vaccine(s) and have your oil changed at 5,000 mile intervals”.
‘Christmas can’t come soon enough November’ will be highlighted by Democrats and Republicans claiming a “mandate from the people” regardless of how the stolen election turns out.
‘Christmas can’t leave soon enough’ December allows re-connection with family, and then wondering “When are they going to leave?’
It also starts the NYR ritual all over again.
But Eeyore knows how this high-minded self-improvement planning turns out.
Time to give in to your Inner Eeyore: Have a Bloody Mary, begin working on your 2025 resolutions.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
For 208 more posts like this –each with a wish to be a better you – go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.
Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.
TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:
As we close 2023, enjoy ‘My Song of the Year’: Tropic Morning News The National, who released 2 CDs this year, both excellent.
This song will be the first entrant in the Beers at the Nifty playlist.
In 2024, resolve to listen to more music – as my nephew Will said, “If you don’t listen to music, You’re leading a sub-optimal life”.
Great read as always!