QUEENIE AND PA

If I’d known being a Grandfather was going to be this much fun, I would have never had children.

We are lucky because we see our grandchildren frequently – a big plus of living at the beach is that family wants to visit. It is like a vacation for them: Lots of outdoor activities, Captor prepared meals and baked goods, free drinks on the deck. Always a good time, but after a week- long visit, I understand how resort workers feel.  

But the visits allow my Captor and I to flex our “Grandparent (GP) chops”

Other than grandchildren the most important part of being a Grandparent is a great GP name.

You’ve gotta pick (or be given) a good name. My GP name was to be Pops, but our first grandson could only say Pa, and that stuck. I called my own grandfather ‘Adam the Impaler’, which meant something flattering in Lithuanian, I believe.

My Captor chose Queenie, which she claims is homage to a favorite aunt, but I fear she has some sort of odd Royalty fantasy, but that’s between us and the subject of another post…

A huge part of being an effective and well-liked Pa is a lot like being a cruise social director: You have to keep them occupied or else they’ll sit on the deck, play shuffleboard and drink way too much. Sorry, those are the parents. Or they’ll stay in the family room, play Nintendo, eat cheese puffs, and drink way too much. Sorry, those are still the parents. Regardless, keeping them occupied is job one.

Our social calendar includes:

Donut runs to the Winn Dixie – with the new to go boxes that no longer feature a see-through top, our “Bakers Dozen” record is 37 donuts! When they get older, we’ll go to the wing bar and see which one of them can eat the most wings before the manager chases us out of the store;

Visits to neighbor’s pools, which get exciting when they come home unexpectedly;

Beach afternoons, with lots of time in the surf, digging in the sand, and trying to put up the beach cabana. I used to make sand castles for the kids, but the new estate tax made that too expensive. And bocce is out, because the local pizzeria owner always takes over the court.

But as kids age – and get less trusting – they aren’t always satisfied with our usual itinerary, but no longer believe that the caddies are on strike at the mini golf course, the water park is full of eels, or that the arcade is full of games that are evil robots. So we may need to branch out on their next visit.

Our grandchildren are thoroughly entertained though, and love us for making such an effort. Of course our relationship is also based on having common enemies…

But taking care of your grandchildren is like renting a car – you’re not too concerned about how much mileage you put on them or their condition when you return them.

Being a grandfather is one of the true joys of my life, and I eagerly anticipate each visit.

But I’ve come to realize that you have to enjoy them while you can – eventually they will grow up and turn into copies of their parents.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

I Want it Now/Oompa Loompa  Veruca Salt – – Oompa Loompas

“Gooses, geeses, I want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter,

At least a hundred a day, and oh by the way, Give it to me now”

“Oompa Loompa, Doompety Da, If you’re not spoiled then you will go far,

You will live in happiness, Like the Oompa Loompa, Doompety Do”

Grandpa was a carpenter   John Prine

“Grandpa was a carpenter, He built houses stores and banks,
Chain smoked camel cigarettes, And hammered nails in planks.
He was level on the level, And shaved even every door,
And voted for Eisenhower, ‘Cause Lincoln won the war”

Pa Said   My Grandchildren

“Careful in the parking lot, Don’t run,

Put that back, Don’t hit your sister,

Use a plastic glove to get the donuts, What? I only count 13,

Don’t hit your Brother, Grow up to be strong and true”

 I don’t want to grow up   Geoffrey the Giraffe

“I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys ‘R’ Us kid,

But I’m so sad, Bankruptcy is even worse than my parent’s divorce”

I don’t want to grow up   Tom Waits

“When I’m lyin’ in my bed at night, I don’t wanna grow up,
Nothin’ ever seems to turn out right, I don’t wanna grow up,
Makes me wish that I could be a dog, When I see the price that you pay
I don’t wanna grow up, I don’t ever wanna be that way
I don’t wanna grow up”  

The Circle Game  Joni Mitchell

“And the seasons, they go round and round, And the painted ponies go up and down,
We’re captive on the carousel of time, We can’t return, we can only look,
Behind, from where we came, And go round and round and round, in the circle game

Forever Young Bob Dylan

May God bless and keep you always, May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others, And let others do for you,

May you build a ladder to the stars, And climb on every rung

And may you stay, Forever young

May you grow up to be righteous, May you grow up to be true.
May you always know the truth, And see the lights surrounding you

May you always be courageous, Stand upright and be strong

May your hands always be busy, May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation, When the winds of changes shift

May your heart always be joyful, May your song always be sung
And may you stay, Forever young

(My father-daughter dance with Katharine, and played at our wedding)