PUT ME IN, COACH!

The only problem with youth sports is adults.

And the only problem with adult sports is adults.

I know adults, I know how they act – I even play an adult in real life.

But kid’s sports remain worth the effort: A rite of passage on the path to adulthood- hopefully a better version.

So many lessons: Teamwork, listening to the coach, not listening to the parents, and the occasional failure in front of family and total strangers.

I was lucky enough to coach 4 sons across roughly 10 basketball seasons, one of my treasured life experiences.

I’m not sure what their takes would be on the experience.

Much like teachers and Mothers, coaches do God’s work.

I also ran our basketball program, annually relearning: Want people rooting for your health? Become a volunteer. And welcome to the Hotel California.

Our teams played in the Catholic Metro League (CML), the guiding principles: sportsmanship, equal playing time, fun while learning some basketball, and eternal salvation.

And emphasizing a coach’s – and parent’s – main job to be positive and encouraging – and learn the three seconds rule!

I must admit a personal epiphany: When ‘complaining’ to the ref (the 15 year-old making $6) about a call, he asked “What are you so mad about?”

Never did that again…

I began each season with two goals: Win at least one game, and every kid scores a basket.

Just one kid scoreless, but he did shoot a couple of free throws. Fortunately, he went on to a successful career in scouting, later demonstrating ‘Exotic knot ties’ at halftime of a game.

I also began each season with a rosary asking for a second kid who could dribble.

Before each game’s tipoff, the teams met at half court, joined hands and prayed together.

Our go-to was:  

The most rewarding parts of coaching: watching kids improve, and something resembling basketball happening in a game.

I was totally committed to ensuring equal playing time, developing a detailed grid.

Unfortunately, it was over-complicated – I couldn’t re-grid if a starter was late, so we’d forfeit – but it was later used as the Appalachian Trail map.

But perhaps the job’s hardest part was the post-game talk, made more challenging by a ‘healthy’ snack.

What does one say after a loss?

My personal favorite was “You learn more from a loss than a win”, but “Do you know how bad we sucked today?” was a great discussion ice-breaker.

But I also used it as an occasion to remind of the importance of retirement planning, or how much more fun scouting is than basketball.

The occasional poorly behaving adult aside, kid’s sports remain fun and part of their development.

And an oasis from college and pro sports, the latter now proving the only thing worse for sports than adults is adults with lots of money.

Money like salted peanuts – once you start eating, you get elephantitis.

Thanks to TV $: Rivalries gone, games at 2A on Thursdays, and players almost as mobile as coaches.

Though the most ‘egreedious’ peanut is pro sports ‘soul sale’ to betting – but call 1-800-addicted if you’ve a problem! – much like your drug dealer giving a pamphlet on rehab facilities.

But someday adults will get ‘theirs’ – eternally reincarnated as umpires at little league baseball games…

For 211 more posts like this –each with a wish for a hint on what’s up with parents – go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Neko Case is a fave rave, with a substantial solo catalog as well as a key part of The New Pornographers.

Start with the album Middle Cyclone with the song ‘This Tornado Loves You’ with one of my favorite rock lines: “I have waited with a glacier’s patience.” I’m adding that song, along with ‘I Wish I was the moon’, ‘Calling Cards’ and ‘Man’. Great Sunday morning listening.