PERSONALITY +

Can’t we all just get along?

My working days were spent at a large company, where we took personality tests to determine our ‘personality/operating style’. Once we learned our style –and associates’ styles – we could ‘just get along’.  And hopefully work together better.

Or devise clever ways to crush our co-workers on our road to success.

There were 4 different ‘paired opposite’ attributes, such as ‘Introvert/Extrovert’, and ‘Thinker/Feeler’ – the latter attribute added for a political client – and based upon your responses to the battery of questions (e.g. Would you describe yourself as more social than a rabid badger?), you were assigned 4 initials, defining your personality type.

Those were revealed at the Stylin’ Party, where we played beer pong with our style mates, and avoided the ‘feelers’.  

I won’t go into further detail on the initials or attributes, for fear you might actually learn something from reading this…

I do remember being on the cusp of introvert/extrovert, which meant I was socially awkward in a crowd or alone.  

Of course, the questions, and process, were cryptic, which made the consultants seem wise, and worth whatever they were being paid.

But questioning the logic and/or purpose made you a ‘possible Marxist’, and you were assigned the B initial, for bed wetter.

I do remember finding psycho-analysis enlightening, and the electrode marks on my temples were a conversation starter.

And now that I am a daily beach walker, I conduct my own ‘beach-based personality research’.

The first involved a sand castle, and passers-by reactions, which I would hide in the sea oats to observe:

Stopping to admire the castle, and then moving on, was the most common reaction; the next largest group stopped to inquire about the weekly rental rate, and whether pets were allowed.

The West Coast visitors were most intriguing:

Oregonians wiped the castle out completely, while chanting “Down with Capitalism” slogans;

Californians attempted to turn it into low income housing, while Seattle based visitors were frustrated that sand doesn’t burn.

But the experiment was ultimately stopped when our local paper ran an article warning about “a creepy man hiding in the sea oats”, and the sand castle selling for $1.1 million due to its beachfront location.

Emboldened by my success, my next project monitored other walkers’ reactions to my friendly wave.

Most waved back, some with an added “good morning”.

One Good Samaritan stopped me to warn about the “creepy sea oats man”.

Another said “Beautiful day, isn’t it? Enjoy – remember, you never walk in the same stream twice”.

The group that “just wants to be left alone” let their dogs loose after me.

I cut the research short though, after my interaction with New Yorkers: Most looked straight ahead, ignoring me; another gave the ‘one finger’ wave in return; one responded “I’m walking here!” and the last shouted “What’s good about it”?

My most recent observations were conducted while sitting in a chair drinking beer, which apparently was Einstein’s approach when he discovered relativity, as well as for his graduate thesis: ‘The inverse relationship of Lager consumption and cognition’.

My initial ‘chair observations’ left me mildly concerned for the future, as I saw our future leaders reading their phones while riding their bikes, a group of college students attempting to cancel the tide due to its “rigidity and all that ebbing and flowing”, and the tattoos! Yikes!

Who knew Mao was that limber?

Ultimately, I decided to just enjoy the show, and let people be who and whatever they are.

And be prepared to enjoy whatever comes next.

My fellow walker was right: You do never step in the same stream twice.

For 102 more posts like this –each with a beach umbrella – go to beersatthenifty.com

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Somebody Might Wave back  The Waterboys

Seven O’clock in the morning and I’m riding the overnight train
I’ve got ten tons of luggage but I left it behind when I came
I look at my watch, says September seventeen
We’re riding past some place where I’ve never been
And I’m waving through the window as we go
Somebody says “Well, hey, what are you waving at?”
Well what have I got to lose
Somebody might wave back

Seven O’clock in the morning and I’m carrying bags under my eyes
Been awake all night, counting the hours to sunrise
(Drawing patterns, beating rhythms) on the tabletop
I lift my gaze and my mouth just dropped
Someone waving in the window at me
And I say “Hey there, what are you waving at?”
When he says “What do I have to lose,
Somebody might wave back”
What do I have to lose,
Somebody might wave back

The Smartest Monkeys  XTC

Well, man created the cardboard box to sleep in it
And man converted the newspaper to a blanket
Well, you have to admit that he’s come a long way
Since swinging about in the trees

We’re the smartest monkeys, The smartest monkeys
The evidence is all around
Our brains are bigger, this we’ve found
The smartest monkeys

Well, man discovered the park bench can make a transition
And the rubbish tip makes a valid form of nutrition
With discoveries like these
Civilization agrees to give itself a pat on the back

We’re the smartest monkeys, The smartest monkeys
The evolution’s plain to see, We’re the dominant of the species
The smartest monkeys
(Smartest monkeys

We brought the caveman from the stone age
To the subways of the modern world
How they pack so many in
Quick call the Guinness Book of Records

Well, you have to admit that he’s come a long way
Since swinging about in the trees

We’re the smartest monkeys
(Smartest monkeys)
The evidence is all around
Our brains are bigger, this we’ve found

The smartest monkeys
(Smartest monkeys)
The evolution’s plain to see
We’re the dominant of the species
The smartest monkeys
(Smartest monkeys)

The evidence is all around
Our brains are bigger, this we’ve found
The smartest monkeys, okay

I am a scientist  Guided by Voices

Perhaps the most prolific band you may have never heard of. A good day to check them out

I am a scientist – I seek to understand me
All of my impurities and evils yet unknown
I am a journalist – I write to you to show you
I am an incurable, And nothing else behaves like me

and I know what’s right, But I’m losing sight
Of the clues for which I search and choose
To abuse
To just unlock my mind
Yeah, and just unlock my mind

I am a pharmacist
Prescriptions I will fill you
Potions, pills and medicines, To ease your painful lives
I am a lost soul, I shoot myself with rock & roll
The hole I dig is bottomless, But nothing else can set me free

and I know what’s right, But I’m losing sight
Of the clues for which I search and choose
To abuse
To just unlock my mind
Yeah, and just unlock my mind

I am a scientist – I seek to understand me
I am an incurable and nothing else behaves like me

Everything is right
Everything works out right
Everything fades from sight
Because that’s alright with me

Let X=X  Laurie Anderson

She is a ’performance artist’, and if you look up avant garde her picture will be there. And she was married to Lou Reed for a bit.

Now is a good time to listen to her “Oh Superman”, 9 minutes of “What the hell was that”?, which I vividly remember first hearing driving home on Christmas Eve in 1981; like the first time I heard “Hitsville UK” by the Clash as I drove to Green Bay on business in 1980. Wow! What the hell was that! Moments that stick with you, like when Teddy Kennedy publicly urinated during a Supreme Court Confirmation hearing.  

I met this guy
And he looked like might have been a hat check clerk at an ice rink
Which, in fact, he turned out to be
And I said: “Oh boy, right again”
Let X equal X

You know, it could be you,It’s a sky-blue sky
Satellites are out tonight
Let X equal X

You know, I could write a book, And this book, would be thick enough, to stun an ox
‘Cause I can see the future and it’s a place
About 70 miles east of here, where it’s lighter
Linger on over here, Got the time?
Let X equal X

I got this postcard
And it read, it said:
Dear Amigo, Dear Partner
Listen, uh, I just want to say thanks
So… thanks!
Thanks for all the presents
Thanks for introducing me to the Chief
Thanks for putting on the feedbag
Thanks for going… All out
Thanks for showing me your Swiss Army knife
And uh…
Thanks for letting me autograph your cast
Love and kisses, XXXX 0000
Oh yeah, P.S.
I…
I feel…
Feel like
I am…
In a burning building, and I gotta go…

‘Cause I…
I feel…
Feel like…
I am…
In a burning building, and I gotta go…
She said
“It looks
Don’t ya think it looks a lot like rain?”
He said “isn’t it? isn’t it just like a woman?”
She said “it’s hard, it’s just hard to say its just kinda hard to say”
He said “isn’t it just, isn’t it just like a woman?”
She said “it goes, that’s the way it goes, it goes that way”
He said “ah isn’t it, isn’t it just, isn’t just like a woman?”
She said “it takes it takes one it takes one to it takes one to know one”
He said “isn’t it just, ah, isn’t it just like a woman?”
She said… She said it to no one, she said it to no one
“Isn’t it. isn’t it just like a woman
Your eyes
It’s a day’s work
To look into them
Your eyes
It’s a days work
Just looking into them”

I am a Paleontolgist  They Might Be Giants

Today is ‘Quirky 80’s Bands’ Day, and TMBG are a good one to (re)discover. If nothing else, Istanbul (not Constantinople) will make you laugh

I love diggin’ in the dirt, With just a pick and brush
Finding fossils is my aim, So I’m never in a rush
The treasures that I seek, Are rare and ancient things
Like velociraptor’s jaw, Or archaeopteryx’s wing

And all the kids, Who wanna see ’em
Are lining up, At our museum

I am a paleontologist
That’s who I am, that’s who I am, that’s who I am
I am a paleontologist
That’s who I am, that’s who I am, that’s who I am

Could it be an herbivore, Crushing plants with rounded teeth
Or perhaps she’s carnivore, Moves so quickly on its feet
It’s like pieces of a puzzle, That I love to try and solve
It’s so fun to think about, How a species has evolved

Now all the kids
Who wanna see ’em
Can check ’em out
At our museum

I am a paleontologist
That’s who I am, that’s who I am, that’s who I am
I am a paleontologist
That’s who I am, that’s who I am, that’s who I am

Is it a T-Rex? (Digging, digging, digging, digging)
Or a Triceratops? (Digging, digging, digging, digging)
Or is it a Carnosaur? (Digging, digging, digging, digging)
Pachycephalosaurus?

I am a paleontologist
That’s who I am, that’s who I am, that’s who I am
From my heart and from my hand
Why don’t people understand

Weird Science  Oingo Boingo

OK, this will close it out on ‘Quirky 80s bands’.

Danny Elfman is one cool dude – with hundreds of movie and TV themes to his credit. Foremost among them: The Simpsons! Which I’m still watching and its still great.

My intentions?
(Weird)

Plastic tubes and pots and pans
Bits and pieces and the, Magic from the hand

We’re makin’
(Weird science)
Things I’ve never seen before, Behind bolted doors

Talent and imagination
(Weird science)
Not what teacher said to do, Makin’ dreams come true

Living tissue; warm flesh
(Weird science)
Plastic tubes and pots and pans

Bits and pieces and
Bits and pieces and
Bits of my creation, is it real?

It’s my creation, oo my creation
It’s my creation
(Weird science)

Magic and technology, Voodoo dolls and chants

Electricity
We’re makin’
(Weird science)
Fantasy and microchips

Shooting from the hip
Something different
We’re making
(Weird science)

Pictures from a magazine
Diagrams and charts
Mending broken hearts

And makin’
(Weird science)
Something like a recipe
Bits and pieces and
Bits and pieces and

Bits of my creation, is it real?
It’s my creation—I do not know

No hesitation—No heart of gold
Just flesh and blood—I do not know
I do not know
From my heart and from my hand,

Why don’t people understand
My intentions?
(Weird science)

Magic and technology
Voodoo dolls and chants
(Weird science)

Things I’ve never seen before
Behind bolten doors
(Weird science)
Not what teacher said to do
Bits and pieces and
Bits of my creation, is it real?