PARENTING RULES!

“You call this a happy family, why do we have to have all these children?”

Uttered by George Bailey during his darkest hour, and seconded by every parent.

On rare, frustrated occasions.  And with their ‘inside voice’.

Parenting would be so much easier without children.

And while God blessed us with multiple children, if I found His sandals under my bed again there’d be Heaven to pay.

I still remember my surprise when a friend told me they were ‘planning’ on having a child in the spring. You can plan children? I just assumed that after a few Budweisers we were headed to the hospital again.

So, like all new parents, when we arrived home with our first born, we set him up in his bouncie chair and thought: “Now what?”

As an aside, it turns out most of the devices we owned proved to be instruments of death, and were later recalled: The bouncie chair: springing children into the ceiling; The Rock and Play: smothering children -but at least they were quiet; and the Little Tykes Real Swiss Army knife: should have known that was a bad idea.  

Our new son was cute, but impossible to reason with, had very few hobbies, and didn’t really add much to a dinner party.

Friends and family wanted to help, and provided lots of advice:

The Dr. Spock believers said kids need to be tough to survive in this world. They advocated that on the child’s first birthday they be left at the bus station, to find their way home.

Others were of the “Do as I say, not as I do” school, which we follow to his day. Perhaps the most infuriating thing about kids is they don’t do what you tell them, but what you do.  This approach needs to be combined with “My Captor, they learned those annoying habits from you”.

And we were fond of the “Children need boundaries” approach, as that allowed us to lock them in their rooms when we went away for the weekend, and not feel guilty.

But the best piece of child rearing advice we ever received was: “Kids want to know what to expect – they need routine”.

It came from my Father-In-Law, and he was right. To this day, it is the advice I give if asked.

After a few children, I also added “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” but by then it was usually too late.

As new parents, it took some time to calibrate his advice; we decided our son’s bedtime would be 10P, but after listening to him cry for a couple of hours each night, realized he had a vote, so 8P it was!

As I age, I find myself making the same choice…

And truth be told, his advice applies to all of us – we are happiest when we know what to expect.

My Captor and I were reminded of this during recent visits to our daughter’s homes.

Their homes have contrasting parenting styles, but both are based upon discipline and routine – there being no routine without discipline.

And once we learned the routine, it was easy (relatively) to watch their children.

But being Queenie and Pa means that we can call random audibles, and let them do things their parents won’t.

That is part of what makes Grandparents so popular with their Grandchildren.

That, and common enemies.

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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Child of Mine  Fleetwood Mac  And if you haven’t listened to Bare Trees lately, a good one

“Little child of mine
You’ll be lovin’ like your little Mother did
Heard it somewhere before
I won’t leave you no not like my Father did

Heavy country blues keep a rockin’
K-k-k-keep that soulbeat a-sockin’

I miss you again, I let the sunlight through my eyes
I won’t cry”

Things the Grandchildren should know    Eels

“I go to bed real early, Everybody thinks it’s strange
I get up early in the morning
No matter how disappointed I was,With the day before
It feels new

I don’t leave the house much, I don’t like being around people
Makes me nervous and weird
I don’t like going to shows either, It’s better for me to stay at home
Some might think it means I hate people, But that’s not quite right

I do some stupid things
But my heart’s in the right place, And this I know

I got a dog I take him for a walk, And all the people like to say hello
I’m used to staring down at the sidewalk cracks
I’m learning how to say hello, Without too much trouble

I’m turning out just like my father, Though I swore I never would
Now I can say that I have love for him, I never really understood
What it must have been like for him, Living inside his head
I feel like he’s here with me now, Even though he’s dead

It’s not all good and it’s not all bad, Don’t believe everything you read
I’m the only one who knows what it’s like
So I thought I’d better tell you, Before I leave

So in the end I’d like to say, That I’m a very thankful man
I tried to make the most of my situations, And enjoy what I had
I knew true love and I knew passion, And the difference between the two
And I had some regrets, But if I had to do it all again
Well, it’s something I’d like to do”

Styrofoam Plates  Death Cab for Cutie

“There’s a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes:                                                                                  

I threw them to sea but a Gust blew them backwards, and the sting in my eyes                             

That you then inflicted, was par for the course just as when you were living.

It’s no stretch to say you were not quite a father                                                                                      

but a donor of seeds to a Poor single mother that would raise us alone,
We’d never see the money that
Went down your throat
Through the hole in your belly.

Thirteen years old in the suburbs of Denver
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at the catholic church.                                                                         

the servers Wore crosses
To shield from the suffering plaguing the others.
Styrofoam plates, cafeteria Tables charity reeks of cheap wine and pity
And I’m thinking of you. I do every year
When we count all our blessings
And wonder what we’re doing here.

You’re a disgrace to the concept of family
The priest won’t divulge that fact in his homily and I’ll stand up and scream
If the mourning remain quiet,
You can deck out a lie in a suit but I won’t buy it.

I won’t join in the procession that’s speaking their peace.
Using five dollar words while praising his integrity.
And just cause he’s gone it doesn’t change the fact:
He was a bastard in life,  thus a bastard in death.”

Mama You Sweet  Lucinda Williams

“I love you, Mama you sweet
With an ocean in my spirit, And cracks on my lips
And scars in my heart, And this burden on my hips

Ocean becomes heavy and tries, To push its way out
Through these ancient eyes, And the memories in my mouth

Ocean becomes tears, That ebb and flow
Over the lines in my face, And the pain in my soul

And pain hits a wall, And doesn’t know which way to go
And ocean says I’m crying now, And tells pain to follow

And pain courses through, Every vein, every limb
Trying to find a way out, Between the secrets in my skin

And secrets hold on, Until they finally give in
And they meet up with ocean, And tears again

And tears hand me a shovel, Saying break beneath the crust
That binds earthly skin, And buries all the trust

I love you, Mama you sweet…”

Mom and Dad’s Waltz   Lefty Frizzel  – written by Merle Haggard

“I’d walk for miles, cry or smile
For my mama and daddy, I want them
I want them to know

Now, I feel my love is real
For my mama and daddy, I want them
To know I love them so

In my heart, joy tears start, ‘Cause I’m happy
And I pray every day, For mom and pappy and each night

I’d fight in wars, do all the chores
For my mama and daddy, I want them
To live on till they’re called

I’d work and slave and never rave
To my mama and daddy because I know
I owe them my all

I’d walk for miles, cry or smile
For my mama and daddy, I want them
To know I love them so

I love them so