PAIN – THANK YOU, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?

I get the gout. It is easier to type than to say out loud – said out loud it sounds odd and old. Like a throwback to 1918, a time as we have learned which was all about Spanish flu. Spanish rice on the other hand, was not discovered until 1953, so much more contemporary. It is one of those diseases that make people uncomfortable when discussed: Do you get that from sardines? A big toe thing? I don’t know anyone else who has had it – except my Mom’s uncle who was weirdly deformed.

 And while gout is basically excess uric acid (odd and old, or what?) that builds up in a joint, with the resulting inflammation causing excruciating pain, the medical world doesn’t really know what causes it. And no longer cares. Most Doctors don’t get it, and as no one dies from it, they’ve re-classified it as arthritis and moved on. I now get it in my left knee and suffice to say, that is a religious experience. But I’m wondering if I start a rumor that gout escaped from a lab in China if it might get something moving –and maybe that Mao was an early sufferer and floating in the Yangtze was his relief. That may make the disease chic and help justify my Mao tattoo, which I got at DisneyWorld.

You’re now thinking,” Well all that might be true, but certainly not interesting, what’s your point here?”  And the point is that whenever I get the gout it forces me to think about why God gave mankind pain in the first place. If He is so darn beneficent, why all the pain? You don’t have to look very hard to find a lot of pain in the world. A lot of pain. There has to be a purpose to the world’s suffering.

I’ve come to believe that pain is God’s way of reminding us how great life can be, and all that He has provided us – so we better appreciate it when things are good. He made some pain random (Oh God, I stepped in a hole! Give it up, He doesn’t really care), and some pain ritualistic and recurring. He gave women menstrual pain, a monthly reminder to be appreciative. He gave men women.

And recently, I feared I had a case of the gout arriving, based upon the condition of my left knee. But it passed without coming to a full flare up, so I was very appreciative (as instructed). But upon reflection, I think God did that as a reminder of the balance of power in our relationship. You watch your ass or I’ll bring it back! But like so many messages He delivers it was a tad opaque: What did you want me to do differently, or do more of? Did I not leave a big enough tip when we did carry out food yesterday? Did I cut someone off in traffic? What?

In the meantime, I will continue to live with the pain of gout  – – and like it! The more excruciating the better!

But in addition to the joy of suffering, gout actually has a fun side – the wide variety of home remedies one can find on the internet. These include: cherry juice, the ‘lubricator’ (motor oil and vodka), and gnawing off the inflamed joint. Good times!