Being Pa may look like fun – it actually is – but there are rules.
But just a few rules, who’s going to get mad at Pa?, but I owe it to our children to support the way they are raising their children.
But fortunately there’s the ‘Pa rule’: “What happens with Pa stays with Pa”.
And My Captor, aka Queenie, aids and abets, but is clearly the responsible adult in the equation. She teaches our grandchildren how to properly fry an egg, bake a cake, and gas metal arc welding.
All of this is top of mind after 10 days with 6 of our grandchildren, continuing to advance their ‘development’.
I learned early that parenting has changed; They don’t teach the metric system. And don’t spank their kids.
We did -not enough to end up on the front page of the newspaper, but that one time remaining in their memory was a viable threat. Fear is a healthy part of any relationship.
Fortunately, both families are routine driven – their kids go to bed! Which means there is a foreseeable end to the day. Absence is a healthy part of any relationship, and means there’s a beer in Pa’s evening.
The families are an interesting contrast: One with 3 children five and older, the other with 3 five and younger.
The best form of birth control is visiting each other: The first revisiting a life with babies, the other visiting near-teenagers (this is how they turn out!).
But ‘Pa rules’ include:
No favorites. I most certainly have favorites, but you’ll know who they are when we find out who shot JFK. But each child has a special place in Pa’s heart: First in each family, first girl, first to wash Pa’s car – you get the picture.
Don’t tell Mommy what we ate. Donuts with Pa is an ongoing tradition, the inside voice part is how many.
Air-fried hot dogs (a slight pop when you bite, 6 minutes just right) are a ‘beach lunch tradition’. Never check your cholesterol levels the week after a visit…
If you don’t listen to music, you’re leading a sub-optimal life. But careful what you share. Randy Newman’s “Naked Man” really sticks in your head. Unfortunately, after a raucous Naked Man sing along, I’ve become ‘Naked Pa’. Apologies if that’s an unsettling image – I once wore a speedo to the beach and a petition was started to make me change.
Learn to swim -but better than me. A Nebraskan, I swim good enough to not drown, and still find water terrifying.
And I’ve never felt relaxed with children in the water.
Still don’t. I’m always standing with one foot in the water, now permanently calcified.
Our neighbors graciously gifted us a pool membership, the site of their initial swim lessons.
Fortunately, they’ve become good swimmers who love the beach, so I’ll stand on the other foot.
Be odd. A right you earn with longevity. I make their birthday cards, glue sticking their favorite characters, saving $6 and generating mild amusement (take that 4th grade art teacher who correctly said I “had no art talent”). And we’ll always have the “Ooh, it’s Pa’s scar” puzzle moment.
Never forget how amazing being Pa (and Queenie) is. All the fun of parenting without ‘the Talk’ and college tuition.
So many great moments, large and small, the small being perhaps the best.
But I can’t imagine greater moments than learning John Henry was instead named Henry James, and that there would be a James Duncan.
How lucky – and honored – can one man get?
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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:
Grandpa was a carpenter John Prine
Grandpa wore his suit to dinner
Nearly every day
No particular reason
He just dressed that way
Brown necktie and a matching vest
And both his wingtip shoes
He built a closet on our back porch
And put a penny in a burned out fuse.
Grandpa was a carpenter
He built houses stores and banks
Chain smoked camel cigarettes
And hammered nails in planks
He was level on the level
And shaved even every door
And voted for eisenhower
‘Cause lincoln won the war.
Well, he used to sing me “blood on the saddle”
And rock me on his knee
And let me listen to radio
Before we got t.v.
Well, he’d drive to church on sunday
And take me with him too!
Stained glass in every window
Hearing aids in every pew.
Grandpa was a carpenter
He built houses stores and banks
Chain smoked camel cigarettes
And hammered nails in planks
He was level on the level
And shaved even every door
And voted for eisenhower
‘Cause lincoln won the war.
Now my grandma was a teacher
Went to school in bowling green
Traded in a milking cow
For a singer sewing machine
She called her husband “mister”
And walked real tall and pride
And used to buy me comic books
After grandpa died.
Grandpa was a carpenter
He built houses stores and banks
Chain smoked camel cigarettes
And hammered nails in planks
He was level on the level
And shaved even every door
And voted for eisenhower
‘Cause lincoln won the war.
Pissin’ in the wind Jerry Jeff Walker Big Al – you out there?
Pissin’ in the wind, bettin’ on a losing friend
Makin’ the same mistakes, we swore we’d never make again
And we’re pissin’ in the wind, but it’s blowing on all our friends
We’re gonna sit and grin and tell our grandchildren
About the time I called this Guy it was four in the morning
Teach me the words to the song I was humming
He just laughed and he said that the ole grey cat is sneakin’ down the hall
But all he wants to know is who in the hell is paying for the call
Pissin’ in the wind, bettin’ on a losing friend
Makin’ the same mistakes, we swore we’d never make again
And we’re pissin’ in the wind, but it’s blowing on all our friends
We’re gonna sit and grin and tell our grandchildren
Now this Nunn called me up, it was eight in the morning
Wanted to know how in the world am I doin’
He just laughed and he said get together boy, and fall on by the house
Some Gonzo buddies would like to play anything your’s picking now
Pissin’ in the wind, bettin’ on a losing friend
Makin’ the same mistakes, we swore we’d never make again
And we’re pissin’ in the wind, but it’s blowing on all our friends
We’re gonna sit and grin and tell our grandchildren
Now we worked and we suffered and struggled
Makin’ our record till we got it right
Now we’re waiting on the check to come sneaking down the hall
Like that old time feeling
That we never should have ever put the record out at all
Pissin’ in the wind, bettin’ on a losing friend
Makin’ the same mistakes, we swore we’d never make again
And we’re pissin’ in the wind, but it’s blowing on all our friends
We’re gonna sit and grin and tell our grandchildren
That the answer my friend is just pissin’ in the wind
The answer is pissin’ in the sink
Naked Man Randy Newman
Old lady lost in the city
In the middle of a cold cold night
It was fourteen below and the wind start to blow
There wasn’t a boy scout in sight
Pull down the shades cause he’s comin’
Turn out the lights cause he’s here
Runnin’ hard down the street
Through the snow and the sleet
On the coldest night of the year
Beware beware beware of the Naked Man
Old lady head up toward Broad Street
Shufflin’ uptown against the wind
She had started to cry-wiped a tear from her eye
And looked back to see where she had been
Old lady stand on the corner
With a purse in her hand
She does not know but in a minute or so
She will be robbed by a naked man
Beware beware beware of the Naked Man
Old lady lean against a lamppost
Starin’ down at the ground on which she stand
She look up and scream
For the lamplight’s beam
There stood the famous Naked Man
He say, “They found out about my sister
And kicked me out of the Navy,
They would have strung me up if they could.
I tried to explain that we were both of us lazy
And were doing the best we could.”
He faked to the left and he faked to the right
And he snatched the purse from your hand
“Someone stop me, ” he cried,
As he faded from sight,
“Won’t nobody help a naked man?”
“Won’t nobody help a naked man?”
Beware beware beware of the Naked Man
Young at Heart Frank Sinatra
Fairy tales can come true
It can happen to you if you’re young at heart
For it’s hard, you will find
To be narrow of mind if you’re young at heart
You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on it’s way
Don’t you know that it’s worth
Every treasure on earth to be young at heart
For as rich as you are
It’s much better by far to be young at heart
And if you should survive to a hundred and five
Look at all you’ll derive out of bein’ alive
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart
And if you should survive to a hundred and five
Look at all you’ll derive out of bein’ alive
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart
Forever Young Bob Dylan
May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the light surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young
May you stay forever young
Pa Said The Grandchildren Seven
“Careful in the parking lot, Don’t run,
Put that back, Don’t hit your sister, Isn’t this fun?
Use a plastic glove to get the donuts, Don’t hit your cousin,
The Winn Dixie doesn’t need to know there are 32 in our Bakers Dozen,
Always remember Queenie and Pa love you,
Don’t hit your Brother, Grow up to be strong and true”