PA – AAAAAAA

Pa: Best gig ever.

I knew I was in after I read the job description:

Job Summary – Interacting with, hopefully entertaining and educating, ‘little ones’ in groups of 1+.   

Supervisory Responsibilities – Depends on who’s around – if their parents and Queenie are gone, then the occasional ‘head count’, and checking out loud noises, is required.  

Major duties/Responsibilities – ‘Bringin’ the fun’: Donut Runs, Pool and beach trips, Preparation of air-fried hot dogs for beach lunches, the occasional loud music to ‘rile them up’ – must tolerate “Who Let the Dogs Out”. Essentially, ‘Embracing your Inner 4-year-old’.

Required skills/Abilities – C’mon, you’re a male and a Father – no one expects much. But some basic tide knowledge – an hour before high tide for the best boogie boarding/tubing conditions – helps. Buckling those damn car seats (especially with winter coats) a definite plus. Willingness to change a diaper – even with a powerful hangover (ah, memories).

Education and Experience – No formal education required, but familiarity with Nickelodeon programming a plus. Fatherhood helps, but try not to repeat your mistakes.

Physical Requirements – Ability to carry 30 pounds of dead weight. Toughest part: Getting on the floor to do a puzzle or legos. Even tougher part: Getting back up. ‘Deafness’ in one ear allows ignoring Mom’s “Don’t feed them that!”

Accountabilities/Metrics – ‘Child Return 100%’; Nothing broken (or nothing Queenie will really miss).  

Additional Considerations – The basics of parenting/grandparenting remain constant: Forgive their mistakes, teach them to do better and be good citizens, to be nice to others – and themselves, and love them unconditionally.

Compensation – More than you’d ever guess.

Since this is a volunteer position, there was no interview – and luckily, no background check.

Being Pa is really cool: Pa knows ‘all’.

Or so his grandchildren believe.

Pa: Demonstrating encyclopedic knowledge of everything but the encyclopedia.

I was lucky to ‘Get my Pa on’ recently – sandwiched around our ‘Omaha Pilgrimage’ were weeks with 2 grandkid groups at different stages: The first ages 6-10, the second 6 and younger.

We’re lucky to live at the beach – My Captor threatening me with a “Lucky to live at the Beach” Tramp Stamp if I ever forget – a powerful lure for visitors.

And I’m lucky to not Pa alone – we are Queenie and Pa, as if we’re one person.

Each name the result of a ‘careful’ development process: My Captor choosing Queenie after her Aunt  – no weird Royal fetish I’m aware of, but that would make for a fun post or an interesting short video. Pa, because Henry couldn’t say Pops.

But we are contrasts: Queenie the stable hostess, teaching them valuable lessons like baking, and keeping the group fed, Pa, the unpredictable tour guide embracing his inner moron.

Both groups hopefully learning from what “Pa said”, but the older group carefully observing what “Pa did”.

Unfortunately. Once again reminding of the worst part of parenting – kids modeling your behavior (“Where did he get that obnoxious smirk”?).

Case in point: Our oft documented donut runs to the Winn-Dixie’s self-serve case, for a ‘Bakers Dozen’. Boxes no longer see-through, lots of donut capacity, so baker’s dozen a ‘variable concept’.

But when the 10 year-old asked “What’s a Bakers Dozen?”, fortunately “Anything Under 30” seemed to satisfy.

That’s because Pa is a ‘trusted information source’.  

Asked about anything, delivering an answer in a strong, confident voice works – which is how I managed my business career.

Never forget you know more than they do – with the exception of Paw Patrol and Peppa Pig.

But also never forget while this is a blast, you’re part of helping them become who they’ll become.

Don’t screw it up.

Want more about the adventures of Queenie and Pa? Check out:

https://beersatthenifty.com/inmates-in-charge/

https://beersatthenifty.com/inmates-fire-back/

For 181 more posts like this –each with a wish for more beach time – go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS (FIND YOUR OWN DAMN LYRICS!):

This week was Doug’s 70^th birthday, he a loyal reader – or so he assures me. HB Doug!

And Elvis Costello turned 69! If you’ve never heard “Look Now” , a 2018 album written in large part with Burt Bacharach, you’re in for a Sunday treat. Truly love “He’s Given Me Things” and “You Shouldn’t Look at Me that way”. HB Elvis!