“One out, one in”. 

It is an old Irish saying that my Mother believed in, and shared on a frequent basis.  It meant that when we lose a loved one, another will come along to take their place. It held true, but sometimes took a while.

Her other Irish favorites included:  “Bad things happen in 3s”, “A dog howling in the night is an omen of a death in the family”, and “If you drink Bushmills you’re a Protestant dog”.

All the other ‘wisdom’ aside, I now realize that it speaks to the ‘Arc of Life’, and was vividly reminded of that this week.

As our reader knows, we lost a loved one last week. But this week we are with our Grandsons, who were born a day (and 3 years) apart, and are part of a 4 year and a 1 year old birthday celebration.

The anticipation is obviously greater for the 4 year old, but each is having the ‘day of their life’, as family and friends send well wishes and presents in honor of the celebrants. And their parents have done it up right, by making each day special for the ‘birthday boy’, and throwing a joint party a few days after. But clearly, each owns their day, choosing their own meals and cake themes (dinosaurs eating chocolate chips – oh my!).  And my anticipation may have been greatest for the Krispy Kreme donut run: First one year old donut run! Free donut for the vacinatee! Made even better by explaining what the “Hot Light” means to them, and eating one right off the line! What a country!

Birthdays were special in my family, but got confusing, when at one point my Mother strived to become an efficient time manager. One unorthodox idea was to celebrate multiple occasions back to back, to conserve time and money. In one week we celebrated my 11th through 17th birthdays, which made for a dizzying week, but also meant I had my drivers license when I was 11. My Mother later lamented that I was “growing up too fast”.  A week of 4th of July fireworks displays later made our neighbors crazy.

The outpouring of love and support on birthdays is much like what we shower upon our recently departed. Frequently, there is a planned “celebration of life”, that includes verbal and written tributes, a party with friends and family, and anecdotes shared over cocktails (careful which whiskey you choose!).

An amazing send off, with only one thing missing: The guest of honor!

And while we say our good byes and “I appreciate you” if we have notice – our friend was 96, so we had an inkling – imagine if we approached our friends as if they had an expiration date, and got some of our appreciation in while they are still around to feel it.  

If we are paying attention, we know there is logic to the universe, with the rhythms of daily life – which are invitations to mentally renew and ‘mini celebrate’. Milestones like birthdays are obvious reminders, but ‘feet hitting the floor’ should be as well.

To quote my Mother again (I think it was my Mother, it might have been Karl Marx – or his brother Groucho): “Every day is a gift from God, and we pay Him honor by making the most of it”.

For me, my learning will be to handle my own birthday differently. As we age – particularly grumpy old men – we tend to downplay our birthdays, and act like they don’t matter much: “Better than being dead, I guess”, or to quote my father: “I don’t need any more sweaters!”

But this year, I’m going to do it up right, and go out for lunch. And have a couple of beers. And maybe even a glass of Jamesons.

And act excited when I get a new sweater.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, BY PAIRING WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Happy Birthday Darling  Conway Twitty

“Hello darling, Happy Birthday, I’ve decided not to give you a present this year,

In fact I think it’s time I took some things away,

I’d like to take away the suspicion that clouds your world at times,

By giving you some faith to hang onto, whenever your hand is not in mine”

Glastonbury Song  The Waterboys

“I just found God – where He always was”

Happy Birthday  Stevie Wonder

“You know it doesn’t make much sense, There ought to be a law against,

Anyone who takes offense, at a day in your celebration,

That we set aside, To show how much we love you.”

Welcome to Earth  Sturgill Simpson

“I’ve been told you measure a man, by how much he loves,

When I hold you, I treasure each moment I spend, On this earth, Under heaven above,

Grandfather always said God was a fisherman, Now I know the reason why”

And a quote from Warren Zevon, as he neared the end of his battle with brain cancer, when asked what he had learned:

“Enjoy every sandwich.”

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