OFFER IT UP! - Beers at the Nifty

I’ll be a better man for this.

I had that thought recently, walking into a 22-mph wind on a cold morning: “I’ll be a better man for this”, and it worked to make me feel better.

Bit of irony isn’t it, while that thought may make me misogynistic – admitting it makes me an even better man.

It almost worked years ago on a January day in Chicago when it was 26 below/81 below with the wind chill; a story I will repeatedly tell my grandchildren after I’ve lost one more marble.

Almost – there are limits to ‘sacrifice’. Even Gomer has to grumble to himself on occasion…

And it’s a close cousin to what we Catholic kids were told during times of pain or stress: “Offer it up”.

A very nebulous process – Offer it up for what? What will I get in return? Where do ‘they’ keep what I’ve offered up?

It only took one time to pose those questions to Sr. Mary Irongrip, and receive the requisite head slap, to keep those thoughts to myself.

And it only took one time to mention that incident to my parents to receive the requisite head slap, cry “Ow” and be told to “offer it up”, to keep those incidents to myself.

And be given another head slap for “you must have done something else, too!”

But on that day I had time to contemplate pain and self-improvement, as I had forgotten my ear buds. Being hard of hearing, I just assumed they were in and I couldn’t hear the music.

Pain is God’s way or reminding us we’re alive.

And God gives us recurring pain to ensure we’re reminded regularly: He gave women menstruation, He gave men women.

I’m OK with God sending pain on occasion and randomly – it’s His creation – but if it’s His way of punishing us, I wish He’d be clearer about what we’ve done.

I will admit I’ve fake limped to build up ‘suffering credits’.

I get gout, which can be very painful. Nearly as tough is the grammatical part: Do I get gout? Or the gout? Predictive text was of no help, so I’m putting it to a vote on Twitter.

And while I’m at it: Do I live in – or on – St. Simons?

Science doesn’t know what causes (the) gout, but since it doesn’t kill anyone, less than 4% of Americans are affected, and doctors must not get it, they’ve reclassified it rheumatoid arthritis and moved on.

They could at least have given it a cool name, like “Really Manly Man Inflammation”.

(The) gout arrives without warning, and getting it in your knee gives you a whole lot to “offer up”, along with frequent cries of “Jesus and/or God, tell me what I’ve done and I’ll atone. I’ll do anything You ask!”

But in a couple of days after it passes, I pray: “Never mind. I was asking for a friend”.

Whenever I get it, My Captor cites whatever her current complaint with me is as the cause: “Too many IPAs, Unemptied dishwasher, You grew your hair too long in college! Forgetting our anniversary!

Oddly, these are also her causes of adult acne, painful hips, and hair loss.

And while a good friend has earmarked “He’ll be a better man for this” as his tombstone epithet, there must be a better way.

In lieu of “Better man/offering it up”, maybe it would be wise to avoid painful situations in the first place.

As we say in the South: “Real learning is the second kick of the mule”

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If I should fall from grace with God The Pogues

If I should fall from grace with God
Where no doctor can relieve me
If I’m buried in the sod
But the angels won’t receive me

Let me go, boys, let me go, boys
Let me go down in the mud, where the rivers all run dry

This land was always ours
It was the proud land of our fathers
It belongs to us and them
Not to any of the others

Let them go, boys, let them go, boys
Let them go down in the mud, where the rivers all run dry

Bury me at sea
Where no murdered ghost can haunt me
If I rock upon the waves
And no corpse can lie upon me

Let me go, boys, let me go, boys
Let me go down in the mud, where the rivers all run dry

If I should fall from grace with God
Where no doctor can relieve me
If I’m buried in the sand
But the angels won’t receive me

Let me go, boys, let me go, boys
Let me go down in the mud, where the rivers all run dry

This Year Mountain Goats

I broke free on a Saturday morning
I put the pedal to the floor
Headed north on Mills Avenue
And listened to the engine roar

My broken house behind me and good things ahead
A girl named Cathy wants a little of my time
Six cylinders underneath the hood crashing and kicking
Aha! Listen to the engine wine

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

I played video games in a drunken haze
I was 17 years young
Hurt my knuckles punching the machines
The taste of Scotch rich on my tongue

And then Cathy showed up and we hung out
Trading swigs from a bottle all bitter and clean
Locking eyes, holding hands
Twin high maintenance machines

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

I drove home in the California dusk
I could feel the alcohol inside of me hum
Pictured the look on my stepfather’s face
Ready for the bad things to come

I downshifted as I pulled into the driveway
The motor screaming out stuck in second gear
The scene ends badly as you might imagine
In a cavalcade of anger and fear
There will be feasting and dancing in Jerusalem next year

I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me
I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me

A shot in the Arm Wilco

The ashtray says you were up all night
When you went to bed with your darkest mind
Your pillow wept and covered your eyes
And you finally slept while the sun caught fire

You’ve changed

We fell in love in the key of C
We walked along down by the sea
You followed me down the neck to D
And we fell again into the sea

You’ve changed
Oh, you’ve changed

Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm

Something in my veins, bloodier than blood
Something in my veins, bloodier than blood

The ashtray says you were up all night
When you went to bed with your darkest mind

Now you’ve changed
Oh, you’ve changed

What you once were isn’t what you want to be anymore
What you once were isn’t what you want to be anymore

Isn’t it past your bedtime?

Accidents will happen Thomas and Friends

Thrills and spills on the railway, it’s a life of happiness
But sometimes impatience can lead to carelessness
Some think they are smart cats, and some just know it all
But sooner or later we all find out that

Accidents happen now and again, just when you least expect
Just when you think that life is okay, fate comes to collect
Accidents happen now and again, when people or trains get smart
If you don’t concentrate on the thing that you’re doing
Accidents will happen, just like that

Your best-laid plans can turn upside down if you get too confident
Sometimes you will slip and slide if that’s Lady Luck’s intent
One minute you’re riding high, the next you’re on the ground
But please remember, whatever the weather
You must take care ’cause

Accidents happen now and again, sometimes just by chance
You gotta pick yourself up and dust yourself down
Put it down to experience
Accidents happen now and again
Just don’t take it all to heart
If you don’t concentrate on the thing that you’re doing
Accidents will happen, just like that

The warning signs are there for us to see most of the time
But sometimes we take chances and ignore the danger signs
Fate can surprise you, with no reason or rhyme
Make sure you learn your lesson you’ll know better next time

Accidents will happen Elvis Costello

Oh, I just don’t know where to begin
Love doesn’t wait forever
It’s now or never
But she keeps ’em hangin’ on
The silly champion
She says she can’t go home without a chaperone

Accidents will happen
They only hit and run
You used to be a victim now you’re not the only one
Accidents will happen
They only hit and run
I don’t want to hear it cause I know what I’ve done

There’s so many fish in the sea
That only rise up on the sweat and smoke of mercury
But they keep you hangin’ on
They say you’re so young
Your mind is made up but your mouth is undone

Accidents will happen
They only hit and run
You used to be a victim now you’re not the only one
Accidents will happen
They only hit and run
I don’t want to hear it cause I know what I’ve done

And it’s the damage that we do we never know
It’s the words that we don’t say that scare me so
There’s so many people to see
So many people you can check up on and add to your collection
But they keep you hangin’ on
Until you’re well hung
Your mouth is make up but your mind is undone

Accidents will happen
They’re only hit and run
You used to be a victim now you’re not the only one
Accidents will happen
They only hit and run
I don’t want to hear it cause I know what I
I know what I
I know what I’ve done
I know (x lots)

Be Somebody Kings of Leon

Taking to the floor with the wheel to the sky
I loosen my tie, I loosen my tie
Locking down the door with the rhythm and rhyme
I loosen my tie, I loosen my tie

Trying to recall what you want me to say
I shake your way, I shake your way
Counting on the night for a beautiful day
I shake your way, I shake your way
And I say you can’t get enough
No you can’t get enough

Given a chance, I’m gonna be somebody
If for one dance, I’m gonna be somebody
Open the door, it’s gonna make you love me
Facing the floor, I’m gonna be somebody

Now is your time and you know where you stand
With a gun in your hand, with a gun in your hand
Now I’m no longer an ordinary man
Was this your big plan, your gun in your hand
And I say you can’t get enough
No you can’t get enough

Given a chance, I’m gonna be somebody
If for one dance, I’m gonna be somebody
Open the door, it’s gonna make you love me
Facing the floor, I’m gonna be somebody

Be somebody
Be somebody.

Happiest Man Alive Machel Montano

Huh
Yea
Happiness is the measure of success
Somebody say
Woy yo woy yo, eh eh eh eh, eh yea
Somebody say
Woy yo woy yo, woy yea yea yea, eh, huh
You see me, I’z a man
Love to play, love to jam
You see me I’z a man
I always happy once money in meh hand
But I don’t got no time for no worries
I don’t got no time for no stressin
Ah had rum on my mind so ah ready
To go on the road
Ah come out to live meh life
(Somebody say) Live meh life
Play ah mas and live meh life
I’m the happiest man alive
Ah come out to live meh life
(Somebody say) live meh life
Drink ah rum and live meh life
I’m the happiest man alive
Somebody say woah oh oh oh oh
Yea eh eh eh eh
Live meh life, live meh life
(Everybody) woah oh oh oh oh
Yeah eh eh eh eh
Live meh life, live meh life
Carnival is ah time
When de girls dey come out to wine (dey come out to wine)
Festival in we prime
All ah de girls dem just move up your waistline
But she don’t got no time for no worries
She don’t got no time for no stressin
She had rum on she mind so she ready
To go on the road
()
Somebody say say say say say
Live meh life, live meh life
Somebody say
Somebody say
Live meh life
Live meh life
I don’t got no time for not worries
I don’t got no time for no stressin
I had rum on my mind so ah ready
To go on the road

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