NOWLEDGE: WHAT I’VE LEARNED

When you reach a certain age, people expect you to know stuff – maybe even want to think of you as ‘wise’. My children definitely think I “know stuff”, and frequently ask me questions. If they ask, it means they don’t know the answer, and trust me enough to believe whatever I tell them.

It became a problem in their school years. As they asked homework questions, My Captor would say “I don’t know, ask your Pop.” I generally replied “What do you think I am, an ATM?” After listening to the question, I would then give them an ‘answer’. By the time our 5^th child came along, the school finally conceded that the state capitol of Oregon is Whoville.

But there are a lot of people who come by a ‘wise’ reputation legitimately, and are go-tos to settle arguments and sports bets. I know many of you are saying that with Google there’s no need for those types anymore, but I’ve been monitoring Google and the accuracy rate is only 62.3%, so beware.

But for many of us, we earn ‘wise’ status by responding assuredly and selling our “body of knowledge”. Due to my assured style alone, many think I know stuff. And as long as they aren’t fact checking, all good.

History and popular culture abound with examples of assertive know-littles (the key is to know just enough…).

Hitler might be the greatest example of a “loud bluffer”, who was bailed out by the Volkswagen.

The Oracle of Delphi was thought to be all wise, but it was due to his catchy title and his “Oracle outfit”. Dressing ‘wise’ can sell a lot of misinformation.

Plato and Aristotle were both notoriously quiet, and their silence was perceived as knowledge. We all want to believe the strong, silent type. The modern political equivalent is staying in one’s basement for months at a time – people think you stand for everything!

But another way to appear ‘wise’ is to put your knowledge and insights into writing. It’s why PhD theses are taken seriously. That’s why today’s post is: THINGS I’VE LEARNED.

• Never doubt Waze. There was that one trip where I accidentally checked the “avoid highways” button, but the trip through the GA countryside was refreshing.
• Don’t take things too seriously. I learned this as a young golfer, upset after bad shots. I was reminded: “You’re a terrible golfer – why are you upset?” He was right, and Alexa later concurred. I finally made peace with golf by amortizing my CPS  – cost per stroke – and realized it was a great deal.
• Never invite the Mr. Peanut mascot to a kid’s birthday party. The epi pins were flying and I had to leave before I got a piece of cake.
• Marriage is initially based on love (and sometimes physical attraction), but it eventually degenerates into hard work (and continuing commitment).
• Everything worth doing eventually degenerates into hard work.
• Adults ruin everything. It’s the best part of being an adult, taking the fun out of it for everyone else.
• Don’t believe experts. Or do. After the last year, it’s hard to tell if anyone knows what they’re talking about.
• Don’t believe documentaries. I watched “Lewis and Clark, The Way West”, and there was no mention of them settling Whoville.
• Don’t believe movies. We loved the Wizard of Oz as kids, but the first thing the scarecrow says after getting his brain is wrong.  Gave me issues in geometry…
• You appear more knowledgeable when your answer doesn’t end in zero – or better yet, ends in a decimal. But be aware, 74.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.
• Don’t believe anything you read on the internet. Any fool can set up a website and post posts – – this if my 50^th!

Hopefully you found this helpful.

But unfortunately, what I’ve really learned is you can’t believe – or trust – anyone. We are all on our own. I’m 84.3% sure of it.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLWING SONGS:

Ooh La La  Faces

“I wish that I knew, what I know now,

When I was younger”

Pasties and a G-String  Tom Waits

“And I’m getting harder than Chinese Algebra”

Middle Cyclone  Neko Case

“It was so clear to me, It was almost invisible”

Far From Me    John Prine

“Will you still see me tomorrow? No, I got too much to do,

A question ain’t really a question, If you know the answer too”

Wind In the Wires  The Waterboys

“And if it’s all in our minds, Well, where else would it be?”

And a quote from Dumbledore to Harry Potter at King’s Crossing Station:

“Of course it’s happening inside your head, Harry.

But why on earth would that mean it’s not real?”