I struck a chord/nerve with the Old Man Rant (OMR) post, evoking reactions ranging from “sorta interesting” to “pretty sad”, and many wondered about the condition of my spleen after all that venting. Though upon reflection, the reactions may have been to my self-administered haircuts.

In an effort to balance the scales, I am today sharing various pieces of wisdom I’ve acquired on the way to being an old man. I like to call it Old Man Wisdom (OMW) – hey, it’s my post.

And this is just the beginning, as it represents but a portion of the accumulated essence of my life experience. (Good one, huh?)

OMW #1: Fear your government. Much like that weird uncle your parents warned you about, who brought you candy and tried to take you on ‘fun’ outings, beware. To paraphrase JFK, “ask what your government can do to you”. This being an election year, that includes pretty much everything. (I’m a multi millionaire and I’m here to help!).  I’m still waiting for the elevator Jimmy Carter promised would be installed in my old apartment building …

OMW #17: Fear Google more than your Government. I hope they accomplish more with my personal data than I ever will. As my Mother so presciently predicted in the mid ‘80s,”Someday an internet search firm will be created, and it will become the most evil corporation in history.”

OMW #52: Leave your kids alone. Quit trying to solve your kid’s problems. Our proudest accomplishment as parents was to never help with a science fair project. Our kid’s turned out as poorly as mine did. So proud.  And a sidebar to parents: One activity at a time.  Unless they’re both piano.

OMW #53: The only thing wrong with youth sports is adults. Don’t be that parent who complains about the refs, or tells their kids to “focus”. And with rare exception, starting a fight with the opposing parents is a bad idea.

OMW #57: Be nice to each other  – you will be amazed at how far small acts of kindness will take your relationships.

OMW #60: Everything in moderation.  Your Mother and John Belushi were right.

OMW #64: Beer is our friend.  But like many friends, you’re going to have rocky patches in your relationship. And be careful what he says about you behind your back.

OMW #72: Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. The unfortunate corollary: Things can always be worse. This is a great example of the conundrum that is wisdom: Many times what we learn contradicts what we already know. Fortunately we don’t remember most of it anyway.

Honorable Mention: Never eat anything bigger than your head. Divide the bigger number into the smaller number. Never bet your horse in a poker game. Buy Low, sell high. Never sign anything given you by the insurance company. Don’t believe anything you read or hear – or say. Everything you know is wrong! This Years Model remains one of the great drumming albums.

And that Hobo song was set to Night Moves.

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