NOTES FROM CAPTIVITY – DAY 30SOMETHING – – OLD MAN RANT

As I age (medically fragile?), I often find myself described as cranky. Or grouchy. Or it could be angry. Or all of the above.

I also find that I no longer believe anything I see or hear. Anything.  And most of the time I don’t even believe what I say.  (To quote Elvis, when I said that I was lying I might have been lying).

The result is one of my favorite hobbies: The Old Man Rant.

Not sure what causes this – -don’t think this condition is chemical (I quit doing chemicals after college)- –  but just one of the things my loved ones tolerate about me.

The current C19 crisis has really made the non-belief thing worse, based upon the wide variety of misinformation and misguesses we’ve heard over the last 4 months. And that led me to realize that if I were to number my “Old Man Rants” it would save a lot of time, and my wife a lot of impatience/exasperation.  I would just shout out # whatever, and those who know me would think “Oh no, not that again”. But be careful how you call the numbers (Maybe you just can’t tell a joke comes to mind) or you might mis-rant. While new ones arrive everyday, here are a few of my favorites:

#3: IPA on tap everywhere!  This is a pretty long running rant, and is frequently triggered when the tap offerings include: A cider, a Chocolate Lab stout, Bud Light, but no IPA. But this is the rant I have done the most about: I have been lobbying our elected officials to pass a law making IPA on tap mandatory, and it looks like it will be a rider on the next Corona stimulus bill.  

#15: What, that’s nonsense! Which applies to a lot of things you read , or hear at parties – and to newspaper headlines which don’t match the article’s content, such as “Mass protests” … dozens gather.  But it really works during the morning news, when they report possible C19 death estimates (all but 7 Americans!), or worse, utilize man/woman in the street comments to make their point. #15! They could have walked across the street and found someone with the opposite view…

#42: Popular music is terrible – – do they give the Grammy to the machine that actually did the singing? This one works on a number of levels: Popular music is overproduced, the Grammys are pointless (except for the clip of Bruce channeling Strummer), and hiphop/rap has zero redeeming value. You know you can rant when you rant dense.

#37: Kids today have no social skills/work ethic/respect.  As a member of the 14^th consecutive generation to believe that the next generation will be the end of the world, this rant is timeless. But we have a lot more evidence than prior generations. They don’t make eye contact! The corollary is #84- Kids are smarter today? Look at that one riding his bike checking his phone! You know they’ve re-centered the SAT 14 times!

#22: ____ Ain’t what it used to be! Fill in the blank with just about anything, and you’ll get a warm, indignant feeling. Insert your own name for an unfortunate truth.

Ranting is good for the soul, and given today’s busy world, numbering your rants will save time. At least that’s what I heard someone say on this morning’s news.