NOTES FROM CAPTIVITY – – BAMBOO STEAMER MOMENT

Life should be full of second chances, with the opportunity to redeem oneself.

But it helps to be paying attention when life presents your “learning opportunities”.

Having been married for nearly 70 years, I have learned that big events are critical: You better be prepared for birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, opening day – thoughtfulness being the key to successful relationships.  And while gifts are always a good thing, it is even more important to appear as if you’ve planned ahead – or even better, picked up on cues about what your partner really wants.  

I’m also learning that each gender (2 at last count, but I’m not very well read) approaches preparation differently: My wife always has a card and gift well in advance of the event – – me, not so much (though Amazon has helped matters).  And I find that my wife and her friends are relentless at remembering each other’s birthdays, with cards, lunches and gifts.  As an aside, women also seem to be better at thank you notes – my wife has a friend from whom she receives a thank you note in return for a thank you note, which triggers another thank you note- they’re still exchanging notes over a gift that was given during the Clinton Administration.

But the “Bamboo Steamer Moment” was my “learning opportunity”, and to this day I am pretty much prepared for big events.

 It happened in 1984, when I was working for the Coca-Cola Co., and my contribution to making the world a better place to live was the roll out of Diet Coke with Nutrasweet.  

I was sent to Memphis, where I was tasked with spending the weekend FEDXing 30,000 six packs  (Nutrasweet being an innovation at the time, and in short supply, we wanted to appear to be the first brand to have it – – this was before it apparently began killing Californians), to our retail customers, which made for an intense weekend. One challenge was finding a crew of temporary workers to load the 6 packs into FEDX shipping cartons; I made the applicant with a full set of teeth the foreman.  I returned home on Monday tired but happy, until I realized it was my wife’s birthday.

I grabbed our 3 children and went gift shopping. No luck. At all. The only gift I found was a bamboo steamer. I think it was sort of like a bamboo wok, but I never knew, because it never left the box.  It lived in the garage (after leaving an indelible impression on my forehead) until being sold at a yard sale. Not a great birthday (certainly one descriptor from my wife), but a learning experience.

I also learned that cards are evidence of thinking ahead, and I solved that issue by stocking up on greeting cards  – buying 7-8 years worth at a time (Of course, if you’re not getting along too well, you might want to limit your bulk purchasing).

Need a Passover card – pick one! National Cataract Day – pick one! National Bullshit Holiday day – pick 2!  I always admired my Dad’s approach: As his birthday neared he would meet me in the card aisle, I would show him the card I would have bought, and he would thank me and tell me to “Save the $6”. The other money saving approach is to use the scanner app on your phone to download cards and email them. But keep an eye out for the store manager.

But I now make my own cards, which are pretty slick (for an 8 year old, of course), which people seem to like. But I feel like the kid who ate paste in art class and we never quite knew what was up with him – that kind of muted reaction followed by a pat on the head.

In closing, don’t miss your Bamboo Steamer Moment when it comes. And some real relationship advice: Be nice to each other – you’ll be shocked at how far small acts of kindness will take you.