NOTES FROM CAPTIVITY: BAKING INTUITION

My captor can bake. REALLY bake.

The amazing thing about her baking – beyond the incredible treats she produces – is how intuitive it is for her. She can cull a recipe from the internet, a cookbook, or a Bazooka wrapper, and make changes as she goes. And know when something is done by sense of smell (or whatever) – with cook time as a mere advisory.

She might be best known for her Everything Cookie, with a name that accurately describes the contents.  It is a complicated recipe, which she can recite without hesitation (as she can with hundreds of recipes), despite the fact that she is unable to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit. But who can – other than your random Canadian. And if she gives you the recipe, she hasn’t really given you the recipe, which is a running joke/rant among her friends. (Editors note: A joke can sometimes be a rant delivered with a ‘smile’).

But I can reveal that these cookies move from the lower to upper rack to baked, and I have a 90% accuracy rate on when it’s time for them to move. But as there is no ‘cook time’ – they are done when she says so – the actual time remains a mystery. So, while I watch her ‘baking improvisation’ (unlike Miles Davis, she never turns her back on the oven), my contribution is to do the dishes. Aside from making me feel involved, it also allows me to eat the left over batter – which I know is dangerous, but life is short. Unfortunately, the effects of eating raw batter replicate the symptoms of C19. In a bit of good news, I recently tested negative for the virus, but positive for batter.  

I envy her skill, because I can’t really cook. I can grill, though. But grilling isn’t really cooking, it is merely a pretense to stand outside and drink beer. And it is relatively simple, which grillers don’t like to disclose, for fear it will diminish respect for their grilling. Further adding to the ‘complexity’ myth, is that it apparently takes 4-5 men to assist in the grilling process. And I also grill via the indirect method, which lengthens the process and allows more time to stand outside and drink beer. Which prompts:

OMR #7: THE WEBER IS ONE OF THE GREAT INVENTIONS OF THE 20^TH CENTURY.

But in a frightening moment of self-discovery, I realized that the vast majority of my social activities are excuses to stand/sit outside and drink beer. The beach, golf (makes a round much easier to forget), synchronized swimming – you get the picture. I believe if beer was served at polling places then everyone would vote. Hey, beer even made fishing popular.

But this leads me to cooks and confidence. We have many friends who are excellent cooks – but don’t seem to believe it. A sign of this is a narrowing of choices for dinner guests: they generally have a go-to dish or two, but never experiment. And they seem almost surprised when you rave “how good this is”. As an aside, it is a personal strategy to rave “HGTI” because it is polite, but it also gets you invited back for more.  

There are also cooks who diligently follow the recipe for reassurance -even my captor has her moments of doubt (?), when she asks if what she has baked is OK, which it always is.

I leave with two thoughts: Do we ever give ourselves full credit for what we can do? And now that they’ve named a storm after Julio Iglesias, is Madonna next?

Excuse me, I have to go lick some beaters…