NOTES FROM CAPTIVITY: A LIFE UNFULFILLED?

My Father graduated high school, but there was never any chance to use the GI Bill.

He never saw Paris, or travelled internationally, unless you count his trip to the South Pacific as a member of the Coast Guard in WW2. Never got to see Pearl Harbor, which was on his bucket list.

And while he never was the CEO of GE, he was always working. It was years later, though,  when I finally realized why we didn’t see him much in December, as he was working a second job to make Christmas right for us. Maybe the annual Old Spice I gave him wasn’t appropriately thoughtful after all.

And looking back, I’m not sure I ever made much of an effort to understand the best parts of him. We took him for granted as just our Dad. But I ended up doing many of the things he didn’t because of him.

Did I ever really try and understand what he knew of the world? He had seen an awful lot of it, and it would have been interesting to hear his take on things. Was he satisfied with his life? Did he like having a family? He never forced his personal history on us, and I don’t think I ever really asked…

But in a quiet moment, I realize that his life and his actions spoke volumes about what he considered important, and due to his lifelong consistency, I learned what truly matters.

I learned how to treat women by how he treated my Mother. Each had their ‘areas of responsibility’, but the important decisions were made jointly. He treated her with respect, affection and valued her opinion. And looking back, they performed small acts of kindness for each other, which is an amazing way to make any relationship special.

I learned the value of faith and belief in God through his Catholic faith – particularly by his treatment of others.  He was extremely accepting, which was why he became such a phenomenal  Grandfather/Great Grandfather.

I learned the value of education though my parent’s unfailing belief, and insistence, that we were all going to College, no matter what it took. We were so lucky to have a success model to follow.

I learned emotional maturity through the way he valued himself as himself alone, and not in comparison to others. As a result, I realized that it is important to be able to root for the success of others, that it doesn’t diminish us. The “keeping up” thing is not a sustainable strategy.

I learned emotional strength as I watched him work through the loss of my Mother and my Brother, too soon and way too close together.

I learned not to take this life too seriously – he had a wickedly dry sense of humor.

And more than anything, I learned optimism from both my parents. Their generation had a goal (mission?) of our lives being better than theirs, and they worked every day to make that a reality. Life is truly better when we approach each day as a gift.

But I’m not so sure they were entirely right about the “your life will be better” destination. I believe they led rich, fulfilling lives, and that while our lives are different and we have more “stuff”, we are striving for the very same things they accomplished:  family, love, and happiness.

And maybe that is the ultimate lesson I learned from my Father: What defines happiness, and what truly matters, doesn’t really change over time.