“Joseph and Mary, expecting their first child, are incredibly excited. It is election season as well, and they are also prepared to do their civic duty and vote. Unfortunately, as part of a “Pharisee Suppression” movement, they are required to vote in person, and must travel to the precinct of their birth, Bethlehem, PA. After successfully passing a C19 Rapid test, they don their masks and strike out.
Upon arrival, Mary’s water breaks and labor begins. Due to a recent virus spike, there is no room in the local hospital; even the field tent that had been constructed nearby is full. Further complicating their situation, the Evil Magistrate of South Bend has stolen their health insurance, so their last resort is a neighbor’s garage.
It is not yet understood that barnyard animals are ‘super spreaders’ so they are allowed to remain. Due to CDC restrictions however, Joseph must wait in the neighbor’s man cave, along with the internet start up that had been using the garage.
A passing cab driver is recruited to assist in the delivery, and everything goes smoothly. The Baby is happy and healthy. The cabbie nicknames Him the Newborn King, and Mary names Him after a favorite cousin in Miami. She already has a cousin named Elvis.
Because the choir of Angels and shepherds had recently been exposed to a Saint who was C19 positive, the celebratory music is provided by Spotify. The newborn King is also honored by the Little Drummer Boy, performing via Zoom. However, due to account time constraints, his performance is cut short, but they truly believe he did his best for them.
As part of issuing a birth certificate, a C19 nose swab and paternity test are conducted. Both are negative. The latter being something doctors had never seen, and remains unique to this day.
Three wise MAGA men set out to see the newborn, but are stopped at the border wall for inspection. One wise man’s temperature reading is too high, so he is sent to quarantine. The other wise men proceed on, but only after providing their contact details.
They bring gifts for the baby, but are required to wipe them down with antiseptic before entering, which makes the myrrh a little sloppy.
The Evil leader believes Joseph and Mary have voted twice, and tweets a bounty on their heads. The family flees to Delaware, where they meet a kind, but confused, old man, who shouts his offer to help. However, upon learning they have wealthy relatives, he levies a tax upon them. They ask for his help in getting to DC, but he is unable to leave his basement. However, after convincing Amtrak that their donkey is a service animal, they arrive in DC by train.
Fortunately for the new parents, their second vote turns out to have been intended for JFK in 1960, and is stored in a car trunk in Chicago for posterity. Reassured, the Evil Leader tweets that they are good to go. But not in quite those words.
They move to DC, and based upon his father’s advice to find a career that is recession proof, Joseph lands a job in Government. Their son takes up a trade and becomes a carpenter. He hopes to benefit from infrastructure projects, but the Aging Leaders can’t agree on the details, so his work is irregular, forcing Him to live at home until his early 30s.
What happens next is a subject for another time – – and a whole lot of Easter sermons.”