NEIGHBORS

We recently added a screened porch on the front of our house.

The good news: It’s where we now spend most of our time, providing a barrier against the summer noseeum invasion. The most common friend reaction: This fits, looks like it was always here!

The bad news: Essentially obsoleting our back deck, a fabulous 2016 add, where we spent a lot of time – the highlight the ‘Parenthood’ table, constructed on site, with a capacity for 20+.

The deck a collaboration between My Captor and Brandon, local football coach and great renovator, who’s done all our home upgrades: Beginning with the kitchen re-do – his first major project, completed days before our daughter’s wedding – to adding bedrooms, new wood floors, a life size statue of My Captor out front. Looking for a handyman? Unfortunately, Brandon doesn’t have a cell phone, so don’t ask.

But he’s done all our work – if the ortho guy had told me I needed a hip replacement, I would have had him do it…

The deck a real collaboration: My Captor describing her image of the deck, he asking a few questions, building it to her specifications. No drawings, mid-project check ins, midnight seances, just a mammoth deck. An incredible connection – My Captor just hired to be his OC for next season.

It replaced a puny ‘deck’, the most common friend reaction: This fits, looks like it was always here!

The other deck highlight, a shed for beach ‘stuff’, but constructed well into our neighbor’s yard. They had a fenceless pool, the shed built far enough to obscure our grandchildren’s view, removing pool temptation.

Which worked great for 11 years, until we got new ‘neighbors’.

A good neighbor one of life’s blessings, the type who’ll pull your garbage out and in, get your paper and mail – without asking – hopefully you’ve got one.

With a distinction between neighbors and those who are merely ‘neighborly’, the latter cordial and respectful, but not garbage pullers. You need some of those too.

As an aside, sometimes neighborly neighbors will surprise you, which happened for us around the February Celebration of Life: You really see the best in people at the toughest moments…

But there’s a corollary to neighbor types: The Kravitzes. My Captor and I proudly in that group -we don’t think we’re the ‘creepy’ kind, always watching with our pants on – but the kind keeping an eye on neighborhood comings and goings. No Russian spies on 12^th street…

And then there’s a 3^rd group, where it’s all about them. Apparently.

They bought the house in question behind us, then building a fence around their yard (or I’m sure their ‘property’).

A 14 foot fence.

Even bigger than it sounds.

Hold on, gets worse.

After filing a claim for their half of the county’s alley which runs between our yards, their attorney/son sent a letter telling us we had to move our shed back 8 feet – or else!

There were some legal niceties for the or else! part.

My conversation with the son though cordial, went nowhere – he did acknowledge the fence was not very neighborly – but they “wanted their land back”.

Making me feel like the French in the Louisiana Purchase.

We’d met them once, and explained the shed placement, to no avail… perhaps because un-listening, they talked at the same time.

 So, Brandon’s moving the shed, a process that might merit its own post.

And rough math, the shed cost about $1.32 per day, much cheaper than a lifeguard.

But I ain’t ever pulling out their garbage or getting their mail…

For 294 more posts like this –each with a wish for real neighbors– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC:

Adding to the BATN playlist, 4 different versions of ‘Don’t Fence Me In’, by: Bing Cosby, David Byrne, Ella Fitzgerald, and Willie Nelson and Leon Redbone.