MODERN PARENTING

If I’d known being a Grandfather – aka PA – was going to be this much fun, I would have never had children.

Because taking care of your grandchildren is like renting a car – you’re not too concerned about how much mileage you put on them or their condition upon return.

But always take the damage waiver.

Though based upon a recent visit from our 3 grandsons, My Captor and I would be incapable of being parents today.

In our day, parenting was simple: Check their pulse a few times a day, make sure they don’t eat anything bigger than their head, and fight with them until bedtime about eating their vegetables.

And wait for the greatest moment of parenting, when kids can pour their own cereal and turn on the TV, so you can sleep in on weekends.

Which replaced our weekend system of alternating getting up: I’d get up on Saturday, and then I’d get up on Sunday.

Parenting today is more systematic, with ‘child rearing approaches’ like “Mothers on Call”, “Fathers Should Do Something – Anything!”, and “Why does Junior Act like a domestic terrorist?”

All we had was “Dr. Spock’s Guide to Child Care”, and the Dr. was an auto mechanic by day.

Our favorite Spock approach was “That’ll teach ‘Em”, where parents allow children to make mistakes as opposed to obsessing over prevention.

We have videos of the moment each child put a screwdriver into a light socket, with our delighted cry “That’ll teach ‘Em! They’ll never do that again!”

Unfortunately, that worked poorly with learning to drive.

All this may sound like we were ‘casual parents’ – perhaps, most of us had children to avoid the Vietnam draft.

Plus, we had the whole ABomb thing hanging over our head – who knew how much time we had left, so why save for college? which doomed our kids to 2^nd tier state schools.

Rewards for good behavior are a cornerstone of today’s parenting, replacing fear as a motivator – I still avoid the belt section in the closet.

Today’s parents even approach potty training as an ‘incentive system’, with rewards for different bodily functions.  

We tried – unfortunately our kids chose Smurf shirts over shares of Apple stock.

Later, “The Talk” is covered through a series of modules available on kid’s tablets; I was impressed with the quality, but embarrassed by the things I’ve been doing wrong all these years.

We successfully dodged “The Talk”: “Go ask your father/mother”, until they had it explained by a friend, or a special edition of “Archie and Betty and Veronica”.

And today’s technology! (shakes fist angrily!)

Without a mechanical engineering background, I can’t unfold a stroller.

Or get kids out of their car seats: GP tip – cracking the window may not be enough!

The sound machine is helpful, but keeps switching to rap, and Hugh’s first words were “Daddy is a Gangsta!”

A baby monitor beats running up and down the stairs, and placed discreetly in the guest room provides great late night entertainment.

Today’s high chairs are overly complicated, and describe the state of the designer. 

But the best invention might be tablets: They make great parents!

Needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway), we learned a lot about modern parenting.

And about our own parenting performance – in hindsight, baby proofing the house would have been a good idea.

But we were reminded the basics of parenting don’t change: Forgive their mistakes, teach them to do better and be good citizens, to be nice to others – and themselves, and love them unconditionally.

Then maybe they’ll unfold the stroller for you.

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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENTOF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

A great day to (re)discover Ben Folds, who has a massive body of work – and a beautifully dry sense of humor.

Easier to Wiki him then for me to summarize it here – but we’ve used ‘Lucky One’ before along with others. He has been the first artistic advisor to the National Symphony Orchestra at the Kennedy Center since May, 2017.  Always a great listen.

Gracie Ben Folds

You can’t fool me, I saw you when you came out
You got your momma’s taste but you got my mouth
And you will always have a part of me
Nobody else is ever going to see
Gracie girl

With your cards to your chest walking on your toes
What you got in the box only Gracie knows
And I would never try to make you be
Anything you didn’t really want to be
Gracie girl

Life flies by in seconds
You’re not a baby Gracie, you’re my friend
You’ll be a lady soon but until then
You gotta do what I say

You nodded off in my arms watching TV
I won’t move you an inch even thought my arm’s asleep

One day you’re gonna want to go
I hope we taught you everything you need to know
Gracie girl

And there will always be a part of me
Nobody else is ever gonna see but you and me
My little girl
My Gracie girl