MODERN GRANDPARENTING

Where was I?

Oh right, I was detailing why My Captor and I are unfit to be modern parents.

But after a recent long weekend of “Queenie and Pa in charge!”, we are now modern grandparenting role models.

Grandparents and their grandchildren get along by sharing “common enemies”, but to be truly effective grandparents you need to bond by developing/discovering common interests.

Curiously, as I age I find I have a lot in common with my grandchildren.

We were in ‘charge’ of a 5,2 and 1 year old while their parents went to Atlanta for a ‘medical conference’ – odd, we heard a lot more about restaurants upon their return than medical breakthroughs. 

Our weekend was made more ‘interesting’ by the 2 year old being in full-on potty training mode, which was mentioned as a mere footnote in the instructions his mother left. And in a follow up phone call: “Oh, didn’t I mention that?”

And as we dealt with that situation – hurry, hurry, false alarm!, which was much better than a real alarm – it reminded why I stayed late at work, traveled, or hid in my car on the driveway while our children trained. But as I kept John company in the bathroom, we bonded over bodily functions, and discovered that the under 3 and the over 65 sets have a lot in common – none of it good.

He related that a successful potty trip at pre-school earns a ‘ring the bell’ moment, which I’ve now instituted with my Over-65 Facebook group.

But one of our members is either a braggart, providing misinformation, or eating a whole lot of fiber.

And who knew? We both look good in Toy Story underwear.

His 1 year old brother and I bonded over drooling, teething/gumming, soft foods, and the weird pain he has in his right hip from crawling.

And he couldn’t remember the across the street family’s name either.

I did envy him because he can’t yet talk, which saves him a lot of boring conversations (shakes fist angrily!).

But ear buds on beach walks are an effective way to hit the mute button.

The 5-year old and I bonded on the uselessness of nap time – I think, I nodded off for a bit.

Later, to secure his help with his siblings, I turned to bribery, the last resort of effective grandparenting – and parenting – and offered: “Let’s watch a show!”

But the weekend went smoothly, thanks largely to My Captor’s – aka Queenie – stabilizing influence.

But one night the older boys complained of a ‘weird noise’, that they couldn’t sleep.

A drink of water didn’t work, so I borrowed a trick from my paternal grandfather: Greater Fear (aka You think that’s bad?).

My ‘greater fear’ of Adam was his spittoon, the chewing and spitting terrified me – which was his goal, I don’t think he liked me much.

To let them know there are ‘greater fears’ than a ‘weird noise’, I explained climate change (apparently it’s been addressed by the Paw Patrol), the cancellation of Dilbert (they were big Wally fans), and anchovies on pizza.

Success! The ‘weird noise’ wasn’t mentioned again – and after inserting my ear buds there was no crying and screaming.

‘Greater Fear’ is also a life coping strategy, manifested as the ‘worses’: Someone always has it worse, Things can always get worse, and What’s worse, nobody cares about your problems, anyway.

Which is a challenging part of grandparenting – and parenting – explaining that “There are times when things will be tough out there”.

And perhaps the more challenging part: Fighting the urge to solve their problems.

But there are worse grandparenting moments than bonding over encouragement…

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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Pa Said   The Grandchildren Seven

“Never forget how lucky you are,

Still young – your whole life ahead,

Parents and family who love you, who’ll always care,

Be who you want to be – it’s your choose,

It won’t always be easy, remember to have fun.

And maybe the occasional donut.

But your future is in your hands,

Your life what you make it,

Who cares what people think?

You have to be proud of you.

And Pa won’t always be here to encourage you,

But always remember how much I love you,

Even when I’m gone.

But as my own Dad used to say,

That doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere soon.

If you can wake each morning and remember

That each day is a gift from God,

And you honor Him – and yourself,

By making the most of it,

Things should work out.

Never forget how lucky you are –

And how much Queenie and Pa love you!

And for today’s music:

There are 2 Randy Newmans, the one known to the world at large through his movie scores – “You’ve Got a Friend In Me” (and Toy Story 1-107) and a WHOLE bunch of others, 9 PIXAR alone – and the albums he released way back when. If you’ve never heard “Good Old Boys” now’s the time. And we all loved ‘Short People’ and ‘I Love LA”. Be aware, Rednecks probably can’t be played in concert anymore.

(Un)Fortunately, I introduced my grandkids to “Naked Man” from Good Old Boys – once you hear it you’ll sing it whenever you leave the shower – but it becomes “Naked Pa” every now and then.

But if soft jazz on a Sunday is your choice, there’s always Spyro Gyra.

Naked Man  Randy Newman

Old lady lost in the city
In the middle of a cold cold night
It was fourteen below and the wind start to blow
There wasn’t a boy scout in sight
Pull down the shades cause he’s comin’
Turn out the lights cause he’s here
Runnin’ hard down the street
Through the snow and the sleet
On the coldest night of the year

Beware beware beware of the Naked Man

Old lady head up toward Broad Street
Shufflin’ uptown against the wind
She had started to cry-wiped a tear from her eye
And looked back to see where she had been

Old lady stand on the corner
With a purse in her hand
She does not know but in a minute or so
She will be robbed by a naked man

Beware beware beware of the Naked Man

Old lady lean against a lamppost
Starin’ down at the ground on which she stand
She look up and scream
For the lamplight’s beam
There stood the famous Naked Man

He say, “They found out about my sister
And kicked me out of the Navy,
They would have strung me up if they could.
I tried to explain that we were both of us lazy
And were doing the best we could.”

He faked to the left and he faked to the right
And he snatched the purse from your hand
“Someone stop me, ” he cried,
As he faded from sight,
“Won’t nobody help a naked man?”
“Won’t nobody help a naked man?”

Beware beware beware of the Naked Man