MEN SMART (WOMEN SMARTER)

Someone will have to explain it to me, but women seem smarter than men.

I’m not basing that on formal studies, but upon My Captor telling me so, and behavioral observations.

Perhaps the origins are prenatal. Do expectant Mothers behave differently when they learn they’re having a boy? Do they eat beef jerky, talk less, spit and grunt more, and respond “How ‘bout them Dawgs?” when asked by the OB how they’re feeling?

Or maybe it begins as children – boys play with trucks, legos and glue sticks – explaining their occasional dazed look.

Girls play(ed) with dolls, kitchen sets, and GI Janes with Vera Wang custom fatigues.

But those were found in the ‘Girls Toys’ aisle at Target, before society decided there were no boys or girls toys, just ‘toys’ – – and kids can be any one of the 27 genders created by the Infrastructure bill.

As teens, boys engage in questionable behavior: Driving too fast, sleeping too late, and misaligning tenses in school papers.

Even as adults men are more reckless: they use gas stoves, eat candy with nuts, and leave classified documents in their garages.

They are also less independent, requiring 3 or more friends to help with simple tasks like grilling.

Men appear to be more forgetful, having difficulty remembering anniversaries, to “turn the dryer on while I’m out”, and of late, what I went in the kitchen for.

But the most damning evidence is their sports obsession.

I know women follow sports, but not quite like men.

Men believe:

What they’re wearing can influence a game’s outcome.

Yelling at the TV will help improve the umpire’s vision.

When their team wins it proves their way of life is superior.

But most of all, men don’t understand being a sports fan is a ‘sucker’s bet’, per My Captor’s son.

By that he means that fans can’t win – ultimately the lows overwhelm the highs.

I was reminded of that the day after UGA went back-to-back; the game was a high, but the next morning was a reminder that it “really doesn’t mean that much after all, what’s for breakfast”?

Atlanta sports fans have had – had – a tortured outlook, with one championship in 174 seasons; but all that has changed with a recent world series win and 2 national football titles.

The ‘most tortured’ crown has been returned to Cleveland, or Buffalo.

But success is confusing: I’ve had to recalibrate my outlook from “this loss is going to be painful” – every fan’s biggest phobia -to we’re going to win!

Which has forced me to reconsider everything I thought I knew:

Am I using my time wisely? In response, I’ve begun organizing the dirty cutlery in the dishwasher in groups – spoons all together, forks all tog- – well, you get the gist. When I shared this with my grilling friends they were amazed by the unloading time I’m saving. We had another beer to celebrate.

Am I too gullible? I’m sure that fellow who won the lottery really wants to give me some of his winnings…but first, I have to pay the fine for missing jury duty they called me about.

And is now the right time to invest in crypto? What are the odds there’s another company that can’t be trusted?

Despite all that evidence, we men will still need to discuss this the next time we grill…  

But perhaps our wives provide the final proof that women are smarter: they solve problems we didn’t even know we had.

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TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENTOF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

Man Smart (Woman Smarter)  Harry Belafonte  But Robert Palmer did a great cover. Check out Palmer’s early work “Sneakin’ Sally through the Alley” and “Pressure Drop”. Grateful Dead did a nice cover as well.

I say let us put man and a woman together
To find out which one is smarter
Some say man but I say no
The woman got the man de day should know

And not me but the people they say
That the man are leading the women astray
But I say, that the women of today
Smarter than the man in every way
That’s right de woman is uh smarter
That’s right de woman is uh smarter
That’s right de woman is uh smarter, that’s right, that’s right

Ah, ever since the world began
Woman was always teaching man
And if you listen to my bid attentively
I goin’ tell you how she smarter than he

And not me but the people they say
That the man are leading the women astray
But I say, that the women of today
Smarter than the man in every way

Garden of Eden was very nice
Adam never work in paradise
Eve meet snake, paradise gone
She make Adam work from that day on

And not me but the people they say
That the man are leading the women astray
But I say, that the women of today
Smarter than the man in every way
That’s right the woman is uh smarter
That’s right the woman is uh smarter
That’s right the woman is uh smarter, that’s right, that’s right

Samson was the strongest man long ago
No one could a beat him, as we all know
Until he loved Deliah, Lila said
All of the strength is in the hair of your head

And not me but the people they say
That the man are leading the women astray
But I say, that the women of today
Smarter than the man in every way
That’s right the woman is uh smarter
That’s right the woman is uh smarter
That’s right the woman is uh smarter, that’s right, that’s right

Ah you meet a girl at a ballroom dance
Thinking that you would stand a chance
Take her home, thinking she’s alone
Open the door you find her mama home

And not me but the people they say
That the man are leading the women astray
But I say, that the women of today
Smarter than the man in every way
Oh yes, smarter

Talkin’ Softball  Terry Cashman  The Simpsons version

Well Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while,
Mike Scioscia’s tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile…

We’re talkin’ softball…
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin’ softball…
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey’s grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We’re talkin’ Homer… Ozzie and the Straw.

We’re talkin’ softball…
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin’ softball…
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey’s grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We’re talkin’ Homer… Ozzie and the Straw.