LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH: THE BOOK

A weird week, this.

I’ve finished my book about Danny’s death by suicide, appropriately titled ‘Love Is Not Enough’. To be published very shortly, explained below.

Divided into a retelling of the day it happened, through his Celebration of Life and ultimately, the end of the first year after; juxtaposed with his addiction journey through rehab, successful recovery, and – well, you know the end.

Not sure why, but it felt like it needed to be done. But a long, strange journey it was.

An emotional wipe-out at times. On occasion, forcing me to put the story away. But always going back.

Part of it joy. The reliving of our time with Danny, looking back at pictures and memories – if not placed on paper, certainly in my head.

We had amazing times as a family, and with Danny. Great to live all that again.

Part of it agony. The reliving of September 13th, the re-read(s) of the family text chain from that day a brutal experience, the events of the following week – an ongoing wake.

The remembering of his addiction and mental health struggles and all we did to get him healthy – for a little while. The brief wallowing in regret: What could we have done differently? Regretting what we missed…

Part of it necessity. Certainly for me, writing a way to heal. Done in chunks, sometimes after a few weeks away, but working my way through the event and its’ aftermath, and his addiction and treatment, chronologically.

Though the family reaction hard to read…

Difficult to tell if people didn’t want to relive it, one telling he’d read it, but wouldn’t re-read, wanting to remember the Danny he knew – a reaction I believe was common across the family. I too felt that way at times…

And I definitely understood the sentiment: parts of this very tough to read.

Also difficult to tell if his siblings wanted it published. My guess being they just wanted to leave Danny be. I also felt that way at times…

But our daughter Katharine the family exception, editing me through to the end, both grammatically and thematically – suggesting dramatic improvements.

Ultimately, deciding we should publish, in the belief sharing an honest account of our journey might be helpful to others, after having contemplated just writing it and leaving it on my computer.

I don’t know what Danny’s take would be, but I think he’d look at it as an honest, loving retelling of his life, and he’d be OK with it. I pray that’s the case.

The hardest part, perhaps? The finish. Collecting the photos to be placed in the book, finalizing the text, reluctantly submitting the final edit to the publisher. Knowing that would be an end to the mission. That bit of finality the final finality…

… Making this a very weird week.

The title: “Love is not enough”, a suggestion from my publisher friend Pete, pointing out the phrase ran throughout the book. He was correct, a better choice than the original “Our Beautiful Boy”. He was gracious enough to critique a rough draft, and I hope he feels the final is better and easier to follow – based largely on his feedback.

To paraphrase Caron Treatment Center, “The family is the story, the story the family”. Ours a very close family, and hopefully that comes through in the book. Danny had great relationships with all of his siblings and extended family – he was truly loved. And loving.

Bu ultimately, as Katharine reminded me, this is my story. My reactions to his death, depression and addiction; better yet, the opportunity to relive our relationship, one of the joys of my life.

He was an amazing son, brother, uncle, godfather, and friend.

I pray the story does him justice.

Peace.  

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST – AND OF YOUR DANNY MEMORIES – PAIR WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER READING’:

‘Love Is Not Enough’ available very shortly, and I’m hopeful next week’s Easter post will have the link to the Amazon copy. Available elsewhere as well.

Your job: Order. Read. Enjoy. Write a review on Amazon.