LE OLYMPICS

My Captor and I watched the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, and they were very cool – and a bit creepy.

Which is France in a walnut – or La Noix de Perigord – shell.

For me, the Summer Olympics make bad TV. But better than the Winter Olympics!

My Captor is like most Americans, who enjoy tuning in at times during the 17 days of the games, hearing the athlete’s stories, and watching them succeed – and fail.

The opening ceremonies were very cool, with dancing everywhere, all types of music as accompaniment, and the best part: They were in the afternoon and over by dinner!

But the creepy parts: The man in the shroud costume running through Paris with a torch, past men having coffee with their wives, mistresses, and mistresses’ mistresses; The deke with Rafael Nadal – a Spaniard in a red jacket for contrast, making us think he could be the final torch bearer; and Snoop Dogg near the end of the torch relay line.

No sign of Martha Stewart, but she could be back in the slammer for all I know.

Perhaps the creepiest though, Jerry Lewis imitators recreating “The Nutty Professor”… until they surrendered to a bunch of tourists.

Give Paris an A+ for the opening ceremonies, but let’s hope the judges aren’t asked to work a 38^th hour, or there will be an Olympics strike…

We were lucky to live in Atlanta during the 1996 Centennial Olympics, got to see a lot of those games, with the personal highlight a Lithuanian basketball game.

 I’m Lithuanian (nee Chesnulevicz), and you might recall their Dead tie-dyed themed shirts – “helping raise money for the games” – and they were the hottest items of the event.

That was the backstory, but I may have heard it at a Dead concert, making it relatively unreliable.

But as they say, if it’s not true, it should be.

And while ATL took crap from the international press for some early malfunctions – and that bomb thing at Centennial Park – it was, and remains, the most attended games ever.

I’m reminded of that as the Paris Olympics crank up:

There are 206 countries competing, with 329 medal events and 45 sports.

New sports include break dancing (breaking), skateboarding, surfing, and social media.

The latter’s favorite a Belgian teen, who holds the record with 11,000 Instagram posts in an hour.

I’ve never been much of a fan of the Olympics – none of the sports interest me much – but this year could be different: Equal gender representation! All 17 with equal numbers!

And unlike the ’21 games – which were the ’20 games delayed by COVID – sex is allowed in the Olympic Village again, and 300,000 Olympic themed condoms are being distributed.

Making for grip(op)ping TV…

And while the opening ceremonies were held on the Seine in boats and barges, it’s also scheduled to be the site of the triathlon swimming leg, marathon swimming and surfing.

Reputedly, the river has been cleared of its e-coli infestation – the mayor surfed there to show it’s ‘safe’, and she bitchin’ rompred!   

And while I’m old enough to remember when the athletes were amateurs, there was an East Germany, and athletes brought their own condoms, the Olympics remain constantly in flux.   

New sports are always being added, but my favorite Olympic sport remains the winter’s Biathlon, which combines cross country skiing with rifle shooting. And in ’26, an experimental version will add people shooting back.

But for now… Paree!

So sit back and enjoy the coverage – and even with Kelly Clarkson ‘dans le maison’ it’s still better than The Bear Season 3…

For 240 more posts like this –each with a wish for a hint on who won the high jump– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

And I’m now on Substack at justluckytobehere.substack.com. Same stuff, but a different location.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

TV on the Radio is a particular favorite – they’re from Brooklyn, check them out! Added to the BATN playlist are ‘DLZ’ ’Happy Idiot’ ‘Will Do’ ‘Wolf Like Me’ and ‘Careful You’.