JUST CHECKING IN

On a recent Sunday, 4 different friends called: “Just checking in, to see how you’re doing”. 

And while I normally would brush that off – and maybe do an Old Man Rant in my head about being ‘checked on’ – given recent events, I was appreciative.

My answer is generally “Doing fine, a day at a time, muddling through (Insert another time or healing platitude here)”, which is accurate.

But varies depending upon the day or moment.

Which I guess is how the healing process works: You go through that first week or two where everything is foglike, accept that what happened happened, get out of bed every day and continue on, but are thrown off by the occasional memory, song, or whatever.

Today particularly tough because it marked the two-month mark, which was on my mind when I started my morning walk, my left ear bud in, listening to liked songs on random.

As an aside, my right ear bud is MIA, having fallen through a hole in my shorts pocket – but I know its hiding somewhere in the house… But when asked about it, I tell people it’s a Veterans week tribute to General Cochlea, who had his right ear shot off in battle but continued to lead his troops forward.

What?

But the song that came up was ‘Sky’ by Birds of Bellwood, a song Danny found for a friend who was mourning his lost son, and sad as hell when listened to in the right weepy frame of mind.

Which I was.

My walk is normally where I work out my day, and content for my BATN post.

But lately, it’s been ‘Danny memories’ cutting in.

Which is normal – it’s how we honor our lost, remembering the good – and bad, times.

But perhaps the hardest moment in this journey was seeing the obituary in the Brunswick News. Took more than a month to write and place, but made things feel final. A sad(der) day.

The other ‘interference’ of late, has been My Captor’s picture project: Reviewing decades of very organized (she is My Captor after all) photos in prep for the slide show at his Memorial Celebration on February 15 and 16 here in St. Simons.

There are a LOT of great photos, and even better memories. We did a lot of vacationing and living as a family, and he was clearly loved.

But after smiling and nodding about how pleasant the memories are, the dominant thought: “How’d it go so far off the rails?”

The other question: “We knew he might do it eventually, but why then?”

Two questions we’ll likely never have an answer to…

But there are thoughts that sustain us:

Someone always has it worse. He lived to nearly 34, so we have a lot of great memories – not everyone losing someone has that much time, so we’re lucky.

No long, painful recovery: Had he survived, it would have been very tough. Not everyone has that ‘luck’.

Worrying about others, allowing us to forget about ourselves. We are most worried about our single sons who don’t have a family to turn to, jolting them back into the day to day.

Our faith. We have a deep faith in God, while not sure why He let this happen, confident He is taking care of Danny. And our family.

Our friends and family have been there throughout.

And despite everything, we are lucky. Which we never forget.

Best of all My Captor and I have each other, which has been more than enough.

But remember, it’s more than just checking in…

So keep checking in.

For 258 more posts like this –each with a wish for more great memories– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

To the BATN playlist I’ve added ‘Sky’ by Birds of Bellwood. I’ve also added their ‘Melatonin’ ‘A Year Ago’ and ‘Roll Your Stone’. A nice band. I’ve also added ‘Lonesome Tears’ ‘Guess I’m Doing fine’ and ‘Lost Cause’ by Beck, from my Sunday morning listen, his Sea Change album.