IT’S ABOUT TIME!

This year I’m ready.

Once I learned Daylight Saving Time WAS coming back, I thought I’d be prepared, so I’ve been alternating waking up an hour earlier, or sleeping an hour later – admittedly, not totally understanding which direction “Spring forward” is, I’m covering all my bases.

Further confusing the issue are the Mexican, Canadian and Chinese tariffs, which at 25%, could each save us 15 minutes, reducing the time change to 15 minutes. Or maybe making it 1:45. The impact of inflation, unclear. I may have to go lie down…

The odd thing is most everyone thinks this is a bad idea.

There used to be defenders – mainly the DST approving elected officials “Here to help”, who later doubled down and extended DST – but even they’re holding up the little black ‘Stupid Idea’ signs and blaming it on the other party.

As evidence, the week after springing ahead dominated by: ‘Time Depression/Confusion’ stories, Current events an hour delayed, Instagram filled with friends’ videos of clock changing and how ‘Young People’ (Shakes Fist Angrily! – but not for an hour, this time change thing is really confusing) are afraid of the extra hour of daylight, and Twitter arguments over is it one Saving or more?

Oh yeah – and kids back at the bus stop in the dark.  

How did this happen?

Though there are reports Ben Franklin proposed it as a ‘joke’ – he a wicked prankster, the father of the electrified wedgie, the non-stick Forever stamp, and the personal lightning rod, which left his assistant cross eyed and mumbling – but that was an offensive British Internet meme.

And while others believe it originally started as an attempt to skip a boring meeting, few remember it was due to Woodrow Wilson choosing ‘dare’ at a drunken League of Nations party.

Time has always been used for behavior modification: My mother would send my brother and I to separate time zones when we misbehaved. He was tricky, always choosing Atlantic, so his punishment would end first.

And The Nuns threatened to “Give the hour – and our spleen – to Jesus” if we didn’t behave.

But the creation of standard time zones a logical move: In 1848 there were 43 time zones in Wisconsin alone – and 3 in our house growing up.

We do know DST was introduced during WW1, when no one was paying attention.

Little opposition as a result, but I can still remember my mother’s take: “Would you jump in a lake if some moron made you reset your clock?”

And as someone who’s done a LOT of stupid stuff, I know stupid…

And if it’s such a great idea, why does it appear to be optional?

Phoenix, Indiana and the NFC Central don’t change their clocks, our Amish neighbors don’t reset their sundial, and the North Star ain’t budging.

One year, My Captor didn’t spring forward – I didn’t see her all summer.

We’re in the global minority – only a third of countries observe DST – but Americans have always had a strange/precise relationship with time. When asked What time is it? An American will respond 7:12AM, a Greek “Around noon” and a Brazilian “Mid-March”.

Which made this morning at 4:03A an unexplainable episode in ‘time travel’, when My Captor noticed our bedroom clock had jumped ahead 3 hours, which I wrote off as the clock practicing for today…

Our hope: With Congress starting DST earlier and ending it later each year, eventually it will start and end on the same Sunday, which will be our way out.

But further evidence of: Is there nothing man can’t screw up?

While you’re groggy today, buy a copy -or a few – of ‘Beers at the Nifty 2024’, available on Amazon. You deserve a few chuckles… every BATN post from 2024!

For 280 more posts like this –each with a wish for our hour back– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

In honor of our time out 2A-3A, I recommend Take Five by the Dave Brubeck quartet. I’ve added ‘Blue Rondo a la Turk’ and ‘Take Five’ to the BATN playlist.