Every Saturday in December, we will share a Beers at the Nifty “Christmas classic”. Today’s post originally ran 2/21/2021 – when the Covid-19 vaccine was newly available. Take it as a reminder for your annual viewing of ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’.
A light snow is falling on Bedford Falls…
We enter on a conversation between George and Mary:
(George) Was the doctor here?
(Mary) Yes, Zuzu had a bit of a fever, so I called the doctor. He said it was just a reaction to the COVID vaccine – injection site pain, fatigue and a headache – she’ll be fine with a bit of rest. But she’s driving me crazy, she keeps ringing the bell on her nightstand and shouting “Atta boy, Clarence!”
(G) How are the other kids? Did school reopen?
(M) No, not yet. Classes are still virtual, but I think the radio doesn’t hold their attention. Pete spent most of class drawing a picture of Hitler being killed by an angry Twitter mob. It should help his grade in ROTC, though.
(G) You call this a happy family – why do we have to have all these children? When are schools reopening?
(M) Up to the teacher’s union, apparently. They are demanding vaccines, as well as sugar, flour and nylons. You’ll have to head up another scrap drive if we want the kids out of the house.
(G) Any other news?
(M) Well, your old friend Sam Wainwright is in some legal trouble. Not only did he jump the line to get his vaccine early, he conspired with the Governor to let COVID patients be re-admitted to his chain of nursing homes. Remember, he bought those after he made a fortune in plastic surgery. I spoke to his wife and asked her to tell him “Happy New Year to you, in jail!”
(G) Poor Sam. Hopefully they let him watch Hee-Haw in prison. I’m going to Gower’s Pharmacy for my second shot. There are finally enough doses – FDR has been blaming Hoover for the lack of supply, but he’s also blaming Hoover for his polio.
(Cut to Gower’s Pharmacy)
(G) Mr. Gower! I’m here for my 2nd shot – I want to live again! How are the vaccinations going?
(Mr G) Fine George, but I’m having trouble with Violet Bick. She doesn’t want to get the Vaccine – she said President Roosevelt and the state of New York said it wasn’t safe!
(G) Let me talk to her. Hey brainless, don’t you know where vaccines come from? They’re totally safe – Hoover had nothing to do with the vaccine! And while you’re here Violet, have him give you a shot for that nasty STD you got in New York. But the vaccine is safe -take it from George Bailey!
(Bystander) George Bailey? The George Bailey who bawled out my wife for not returning to live teaching? It’s not safe! She cried for an hour – you ruined our trip to Florida!
(G) Well, I’m sorry about that. I was upset by all the teacher facebook posts from monster truck jams, arm wrestling competitions, and poetry slams… please forgive me.
(Mr G) Enough of that, George, time for your shot…
(G) Mr. Gower – is that the Moderna vaccine? My first was Pfizer – you could have killed me!
(Mr G) Oh George, George, George – you’ve saved me again! I wish you’d gotten here a couple of hours ago, though… Maybe they’ll make Sam my cell mate.
(Shot administered) (G) My arms bleeding! Hey, what do you know – my arms bleeding!
(The pharmacy door opens and bell chimes) (Crowd, in unison) Atta boy, Clarence!
(Mr Potter enters) Out of my way, I need my shot, it’s time for my 2nd dose of the Pfizer vaccine!
(Bystander whispers to George) That’s Mr. Potter! He’s just using that wheelchair so he can qualify for the medically fragile exemption! He heard that no man is a failure who has friends, so he rented a bowling team. He thinks he’s the richest man in town, but Harry said you were.
(G replies) Harry only said that because he moved away to do ‘research’ (makes air quotes). But that Potter guy has been under my skin for years, and I’m tired of it.
(G) Hey, Mr. Gower, I think you should give Mr. Potter the Moderna vaccine…
For 203 more posts like this –each with a wish for a Merry Christmas– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.
Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.
TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:
Auld Lang Syne Robert Burns (Yes, that Robert Burns. Weird) But many believe it was first discovered as part of a prehistoric cave painting. Auld Lang Syne means: Time Gone By, Old Time’s Sake, or Damn Fine Haggis.
And admit it, until It’s A wonderful Life, who knew it had additional verses?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And the days of auld lang syne?
And surely you will buy your cup
And surely I’ll buy mine!
We’ll take a cup of kindness yet
For the sake of auld lang syne
We two have paddled in the stream
From morning sun till night
The seas between us Lord and swell
Since the days of auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet
For the sake of auld lang syne