I WISH WE’D KNOWN YOU SOONER…

I wish we’d known you sooner.

A great friend died today, and we will miss him terribly.

But he was 96, ready to be with his wife and family again, so while we are sad, we are incredibly happy for him. His was a life whose full potential had been realized, as opposed to the tragic alternative.

We connected through his older brother, who was our neighbor at the beach. As they hit their 90’s (great genes, apparently), they resolved to spend as much of their remaining time together as possible. Their solution was a nightly get together at 6P, coined www.whynot. It was open to anyone who was interested, a standing invitation. They always provided appetizers, red wine and lively conversation.

It reminded me of a poor man’s Algonquin Round Table, where the conversation moved wherever the attendees took it. One constant was the brothers trying to solve the “Big Issues”: World Peace, Hunger, GA vs. GA Tech…

After his brother died, we continued the whynot tradition on a weekly basis, with occasional guest appearances. We even kept on during the pandemic, meeting outside on his deck, appropriately distanced. Looking back, it preserved our sanity during lockdown to have something to look forward to.

It’s amazing what you learn about people when you listen. Our friend had run a dental supply company. He had been the front man for a big band, comprised of business professionals, playing gigs on the weekend, with their fee donated to charity. He had navigated bombers in the Pacific theatre during WW2. He had lost 2 adult children and his wife, a fact delivered without a trace of bitterness.

He shared his life details in fascinating dollops, all wrapped in a wickedly funny style – – remaining lightningly quick witted until the very end. A favorite: “I’m 96 – staying alive is a full time job”.

Perhaps my favorite of his anecdotes was delivered during a discussion of “great live music memories” – a game best played over a beer(s) – when he mentioned he had seen Benny Goodman live. And then casually added that the opening act was a disheveled teenager named Barbra Streisand. Top that…

And he loved my Captor. Part of it was the baked goods she delivered (lemon!), part was her naming him “Spencer” based on his resemblance to Spencer Tracy (I think it was the glasses), and part was their mutual trait of smiling – always, and no reason necessary.

His generation just went and did. There were no mission statements, just one foot in front of the other.

His approach to life: ”Do better every day”.

His approach to people: “If you have to choose friendships or business, always choose friendships. They are much harder to replace.”

I described him as a ‘salesman’, but in hindsight I believe he was a humanitarian.

As we toast his life – and his impact on ours – it’s clear that people are placed in our lives for a reason. What that reason may be isn’t always clear, so best pay attention.

That’s why I’m trying to bring back saying hello – you never know what you might get back.

But the thing I will remember most, is he constantly reminded us to see the possibilities in life, to be optimistic… and have some fun!

It is a blessing to have a distinct, happy memory of the last time we see a loved one. We stopped by to bring some baked goods (lemon!), and a whynot broke out. When I walked in, he said Party! (it’s great to have a reputation, I just wish it was a good one), and we had a beer and a great chat. A final gift…

At his brother’s memorial service, he described him as “the most Christ -like person I’ve ever known”. Upon further reflection, I believe it was a tie.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

“He’ll give you his shirt, and his back to go with it”

From the Music Man

Frenesi  Artie Shaw (our friend’s favorite Big Band)

Hello In There  John Prine                                                                                                                                           “So if you’re walking down the street sometime, And spot some hollow, ancient eyes,                           Please don’t just pass ‘em by and stare, As if you didn’t care,                                                                          Say, Hello in there, Hello”

Make Someone Happy   Jimmy Durante                                                                                            “Love is the answer, Someone to love is the answer,
Once you’ve found her, Build your world around her,                                                                        Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy,                                                                                     And you will be happy too”

Whole of the Moon  The Waterboys                                                                                                                        “I pictured a rainbow, You held it in your hands
I had flashes, But you saw the plan
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon”

Eyes of the World    Grateful Dead                                                                                                                          “Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world,
The heart has it’s beaches, it’s homeland and thoughts of it’s own,
Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings,
But the heart has it’s seasons, it’s evenings and songs of it’s own”

Dweller on the Threshold  Van Morrison                                                                                                          “I’m a dweller on the threshold, And I’m waiting at the door
And I’m standing in the darkness, I don’t want to wait no more,                                                                           I have seen without perceiving, I have been another man,
Let me pierce the realm of glamour, So I know just what I am                                                                          Feel the angel of the present, In the mighty crystal fire
Lift me up, consume my darkness, Let me travel even higher”

And finally, a quote from He-Man: “Don’t say goodbye, say good journey,                                                                                     For every doorway is but a destination to another”