HOUSEGUESTS

… Any resemblance to our houseguests – past or present – is purely coincidental…

House guests. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

With which every host can agree after the Thanksgiving holiday.

We were lucky to have a houseful of sons, grandsons, a daughter and son-in-law.

And My Captor, of course, without whom the weekend might have been days of Dominos delivery…

And while the weekend was a 9000 calorie blur, hosting is easier when you know what type of guests to expect.

We owe the following ‘guest classifications’ to a ‘friend’.

The Net Contributor: Guests who pick up after themselves, do an occasional load of laundry, load the dishwasher – and best yet, bring beer. This group can stay pretty much as long as they’d like. Even better if they practice ‘dishwasher cutlery discipline’, loading forks with forks, spoons with – you get the picture.  

The Potted plant: The type who have to be fed and watered, leaving a dent in the couch that takes a week to un-dent. Their most common phrase, “We’re Out of…”

The One Nighter: Just passing through, some looked forward to, others not so much. Each disappointing in their own way – the looked forward to by showing up late, the others showing up too early. Either promoted to Net Contributor by buying dinner.

The Surprise One Nighter: “Remember you said if I’m ever in town to come by?”  

Here by request: Friends/Family who are invited and eagerly anticipated. Still better if they show up with beer, and buy the occasional dinner. But the ‘guest sorting hat’ will be applied to them for their group placement, and how eagerly we anticipate their next visit.

The Overstayers: There’s no set over/under on this group, could be one day, might be seven. Or 45 minutes.  

People who do their own thing: The ones you don’t worry much about, because they ‘do their own thing’ – see what I did there – like going to the beach or visiting Fort Fredrica. Even better when they can find Fort Fredrica by themselves.

Family: Obviously their own class. Particularly when they bring their kids. But Grandkids Today!  (shakes fist lovingly) oddly turn the sound WAY up while ‘watching a show’, allowing my Pa joke: “Neighbors called and asked to turn it down”, bringing the same confused look as from my children.

Unlike us, who stood VERY close to the TV, our parents scolding “You’ll go cross eyed” – our friend Cross Eyed Larry’s mom being right.

But Thanksgiving is another animal.

Preparation requires an enormous amount of work, and My Captor’s ‘friend’ gets a little frustrated that visitors don’t always appreciate that…

My Captor and I divide prep duties:

My Captor buying groceries, planning meals, making beds, cleaning the house, preparing breakfast items, desalinating water– the easy stuff – me making a beer run.

I had a proud moment when she said “I couldn’t have done this without you”, but I think she meant having the children.

Our post-holiday observations:

Adding: ‘I prepared something, I don’t need to clean up’, to the guest classifications.

‘The Law of Thanksgiving Clean-Up’: The number of pots and pans expands geometrically. We had 8 food items and 32 pans, somehow.

Thanksgiving Calendar Magic: The Friday after is like a 2^nd Saturday!

The ‘Law of Guest Physics’: Initially urging them to “stay longer”, relieved to see the car pull away.

It was a great holiday, but those 9000 calories are still with me.

Unfortunately, I’m allergic to Ozempic – any suggestions for a cause I can go on hunger strike for?

For 198 more posts like this –each with a wish for a hint on who these people are– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

When we have guests, I have music playing most of the time. A band I enjoy introducing people to is The Jayhawks, a particular favorite is ‘Somewhere in Ohio’. 

Find your own lyrics, its been a busy week…