HE IS RIZ!

I just filed Danny’s 2024 tax return.

Interesting timing, coming during Easter week, with its message of rebirth and renewal… this feeling like another unfortunate bit of finality. A very weird moment, checking the ‘deceased’ box…

Feeling like some form of closure – of the paperwork variety, but also very emotional.

Following by a week, our daughter’s talk to her bible study group about the experience of losing her brother, relating she’d discovered surprising personal strength through her relationship with God, which carried her through the loss.

Strength that made her the rock of her family, allowing her to provide them the ability to move forward.

Clearly a form of rebirth and renewal… she describing God’s assistance as “faithful and dedicated”, ultimately resulting in her personal growth.

And I’d add, emotional survival.

But she also raised an interesting point about closure: She’d been hoping for it, but realized it wasn’t what she really wanted or needed, she didn’t want a day to pass without thinking about Dan or his memory – it being a way to remain open to the world, and to God’s strength-providing direction.

Which made me wonder: What is closure, anyway?

We all seek it, are asked “Have you found closure?”, and in our family’s case, anticipated the February celebration weekend as our ‘closure event’.

Which it was and wasn’t.

The ‘was’ came through the turnout of family and friends, who were – and have been – incredibly supportive. Their continuing expression of love for Dan – and our family – remains the good that has come of this. 

The ‘was’ also came through the weekend’s festivities – particularly the celebration itself, when the speakers painted a picture of the Dan we knew: A fun, vibrant young man, who was much loved. But who had long standing depression issues that were ultimately his undoing.

The ‘wasn’t’ wasn’t the finality we were all hoping/planning for, the chance to declare it “behind us”, and move on. Which in hindsight was a silly hope.

But understandable, given the books written about closure, the lectures lectured, and those who claim “They’ve found closure”.

But it made me realize there are aspects of closure:

The ‘Paperwork’ type: Settling his ‘estate’, including filing his tax return;

The ‘Telling the World’ type: Including the phone calls, placing the obituary, planning the celebration weekend;

The ‘Emotional’ type: The daily recollections, family/friend ‘Dan’ conversations – remembering him, and never letting him leave us – honoring his memory.

We celebrate June 9^th as “Chess Easter”, the day we dropped Danny off for rehab when he first dealt with his opioid addiction. The idea of a day for the family to commit to rebirth and renewal – to continue growing, each and every day.

Which is what Easter means to me: Continued personal growth. 

But ultimately, Easter should be more than just a day: Life should be a series of ‘Little Easters’, where we emulate Jesus’ rebirth and new life, with our own daily rebirth and revised life.

Which might be what ‘emotional closure’ is: The opportunity to get something positive out of one’s ‘grief rubble’ – to balance the bad with good, sometimes in the same moment – while living with a hole in one’s heart.

But likely never fully reachable.

To identify the best and worst of the departed, to try and model – and un-model – both qualities.

Providing the ultimate tribute to our lost loved ones: Living our best life.

Whether you’ve lost someone recently or not, are a Christian or not, Easter is the day to begin your renewal: To take the small – and maybe some large – steps that will lead to a better you.  

Happy Easter!

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For 287 more posts like this –each with a wish for renewal– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:

George Strait is a classic, and his song ‘I saw God today’ speaks to how God is everywhere you look. I’ve added that and ‘All My ex-es live in Texas’ ‘Amarillo by morning’ ‘Give it away’ ‘I can still make it to Cheyenne’ and ‘Love without end, Amen’ to the BATN playlist. Thanks to Norm for the song choices.