HAPPY SEMIQUINCENTENNIAL!

The American Experiment turns 249 this year, but doesn’t look a day over 230.

We’re just a year from our national Semiquincentennial, allowing a year to try and find something easier to pronounce.

And just days away from our government announcing a $3 Billion initiative to develop a ‘clever, patriotic name’ for our 250^th birthday, though they’ll eventually choose the name a 4^th grader from Dunedin, FL blurts out at recess.

But save for the occasional bit of Rhode Island arthritis and Kansas’ trick knee, the country remains in great shape.

And today we’ll celebrate the Declaration of Independence with beach, fireworks and festivities.

But in a little -known bit of history, while we declared our independence on July 4, 1776, we weren’t fully free until 1796, when we finished paying off the mortgage held by the Brits.     

There will be lots of American flags flying this weekend, a quiet patriotic gesture reaffirming our appreciation for the “land that I love”.

For me, a cold IPA quietly patriotic.

And this a 3 day weekend for most of the country, but in a salute to American ingenuity: “All you have to do is take Monday off, and it’s 4 days!”

But perhaps the most patriotic act is to take a few minutes to read the Bill of Rights – your assignment for today.

I just did and feel gobsmacked. Now I know what my Mother meant by “James Madison was a visionary bad ass”. 

With that as preamble, spend some moments in quiet contemplation of our national origins, and the amazing design job our Founding Fathers did.

Admire the courage it took to break free from England, moving forward as an independent country. And unlike today’s recent college graduates, not asking to move back into England’s basement 6 months later.

It began in 1776, when the British instituted a wealth tax on anyone with multiple bales of tea, tobacco and /or Ye Olde Lard, while refusing to lift the recently instituted mask mandate. The latter was ‘necessary’ to protect against the newest Scarlet Fever variant.

Colonists rebelled against the tax, and the mask mandate. But they agreed to wear those funky three corner hats – they just made “common sense” for SPF protection.

Of course, all that led to war, which the Colonists won in ‘decisive’ fashion. It helped, of course, not having a real army, the long boat ride just to fight a war causing serious Armada lag, and who wanted to shoot anyone wearing one of those cool hats?

One of our ancestors actually served in the Colonial Army. While he wasn’t physically able to fight, he was held as a hostage.

Peace was finally agreed to, we were granted our freedom (USA!USA!), the right to drink coffee, and permission to trash the English language.

The British retained the rights for former Monty Python members to host SNL, two NFL games per year in London (Ben Franklin being a shrewd negotiator, insisted upon the Jaguars), and members of their Royal family to trash the other members on our talk shows.

So today we celebrate like when I was a child:

Making potato salad resembling George Washington; Air-frying hot dogs and shaping them to spell “Bite it, King George”; and concluding by shooting fireworks at the homes of neighbors “who weren’t born here”.

But not before my Dad would remind us how lucky we were to be Americans – thanks Dad.

And he was right: We live in the greatest country in the world!

Have a great 4^th!

Music? Spend today listening to some great flag songs:

Ragged Old Flag   Johnny Cash

U.S. Blues  Grateful Dead

Your Flag Decal won’t get you into heaven anymore  John Prine

This Ain’t No rag it’s a flag   Charlie Daniels

You’re a Grand Old Flag  George M. Cohan