All I want to know is where I’m going to die. Then I’ll never go there…
A fairly simple question. Find the answer and live forever.
But begging a couple of questions:
How to find the answer, and would I really want to live forever?
As a child, I would have asked my mother both questions. She would have told me something reassuring like “South Omaha”, which is where my dad’s family lived; we never saw them.
And further reassured me about the joys of living forever – but making sure I had plenty of clean underwear.
But she’s not here to ask, and no response when I hit her up on the Ouija board.
I might have asked my 6th grade nun, Sr. Mary Thiswillhurtyoumorethanme, but feared the head slap she’d give me for “Want to live forever? You need God for that!”
I did however light a candle on my way out – though I couldn’t remember how much life that would guarantee, or undo a venial sin.
So, like everyone else today, I turned to AI, which claims to have the answer to everything.
But I learned a couple of things about AI:
It has programmable personalities, influencing the answers;
It’s programmed to sell you stuff.
I had never (knowingly/willingly) used AI, so I googled ChatGPT, thinking any good AI would have a good acronym. It’s a rule for new technologies: Their acronym takes 80% of the development time.
When asked what personality I’d like, I started with my parents. My dad reminded that forever is a long time – get a good job – and my mother slipped me a $20. “Beers will be expensive in 100 years!”
I would have asked my scout troop leader, but was never a scout, having failed the psychological exam.
I then switched to me – who would know better where I might meet my fate than me?
But first I had to wade through ads for Royal Match, Royal Kingdom and Royal Candy Crush.
Which were of no interest, but when Fan Duel Casino came up -and I could win real, real money – I signed up. Being able to bet money on my phone, what could go wrong?
Distracting sales pitches aside, I turned to myself to see where I might meet my maker.
And learned even ‘Me’ was customizable. I chose the ‘Senior Setting’, raising the volume to where I could hear it – and the neighbors too! – turned up the heat in the living room to 85 degrees, and reminisced about the good ‘ol days.
But we were a bad combo – neither of us could remember what we were discussing, so I moved on.
I chose the ‘My Captor’ setting, but all I learned was “You better not die before me!” Ultimately handling that by agreeing to drive off a cliff together – but removing cliff driving as a shared activity.
After all that, I was resigned to not learning where I’d bite it and turned off AI. But won $20 on Fan Duel Casino – doesn’t everyone?
I did feel better after reading ‘Thinking about mortality is good for your health’. It was also good for a brief nap. Practice run, I guess?
Though, making me wonder if I’d really want to live forever.
My hip already hurts – what would it be like in 100 years?
I’m already 2 generations of technology behind now – and the Jetsons freaked me out.
And if no one else lives forever, I’ll be at the bar all alone.
So, I’ll take the dirt nap when I’m scheduled.
But now understanding death is God’s wisest invention, making us realize life is a fragile thing… Don’t take it for granted.
ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR WITH THE FOLLOWING ‘AGING HIPSTER MUSIC’:
The song for today: ‘If we were vampires’ by Jason Isbell
“If we were vampires and death was a joke
We’d go out on the sidewalk and smoke
And laugh at all the lovers and their plans
I wouldn’t feel the need to hold your hand
Maybe time running out is a gift
I’ll work hard ’til the end of my shift
And give you every second I can find
And hope it isn’t me who’s left behind
It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we’ll get forty years together
But one day I’ll be gone or one day you’ll be gone”