FAREWELL

(My remarks at Danny’s Celebration of Life, February 16, 2025)

I’m the luckiest man in the world.

While that may seem silly given our son Danny’s recent death by suicide, I firmly believe it.

I’d always heard you shouldn’t bury your children, they should bury you – I always believed it, and can now verify it from lived experience.

It’s been a very tough experience, one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do.

Luckily, I’ve had lots of help.

Our friends were there immediately, with hugs, prayers, meals – so much food – and anything else we needed.

And our family ever present, each of us worried about how the others were doing, which might be the best way to heal: Ministering to others.

We got through the early milestones: His birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, as a group, and learned time is another healing salve.

But with time, it doesn’t get better, it gets different. Eventually you can sleep again, and the pain gets less dull. But not much less…

And this celebration has loomed on the horizon for a couple of months, this weekend the closest thing to closure we’ll get.

Almost as if our family has been holding its collective breath in anticipation…

Why am I lucky?

As I stand here, I’m surrounded by loving friends and family, who have been on point through our moments of most dire need – pulling us forward on a daily basis.

Thanks to each and every one of you – for making the trip to celebrate with us, for your support through this ordeal, and for just being you.

To those who couldn’t make it, we totally understand, and remain grateful for all you’ve done.

It has been incredibly sustaining knowing we can count on you.

This loss also reminds me of what a great family My Captor and I have: 7 beautiful grandchildren, 3 great daughter and sons in law, and our 5 children.

As you’ve heard from his siblings, Danny had a great relationship with each of them, memories that are sustaining them as they come to grips with his death.

We understand and accept his decision. He grappled with depression and addiction for much of his life, and didn’t have any remaining energy.

Believe me, we understand.

I’m lucky I have My Captor – this has been much easier going through it with her – she’s been incredibly supportive and understanding. We are truly lucky to have each other.

But I’m really lucky because I’m Danny Chess’ father. Lucky to be able to call myself that, lucky to have known him for as long as I did. He was an amazing child.

And one of my closest friends.

I miss him on so many levels…

So many memories: Riding roller coasters, Harry Potter, Stratego, the Varsity, Georgetown basketball, Georgia football, the Braves – so many playoff games together.

So many memories…

…but with each memory comes a bit of pain.

You love each child differently, because each child is different.

Every child has different needs, and as parents you pray you respond appropriately.

And I believe we did – we certainly tried, certainly did our best to help him live his best life.

Which is one of the hardest parts of this process: What could I have done to prevent this? To save him?

Someday I’m sure I’ll let myself off the hook, admit there’s nothing I/we should have done differently, the past is past and there’s nothing you can do about it.

But in the meantime I’m lucky, because I have my memories of our Danny Boy, my son, my friend.

I love you son, I’ll see you on the other side.

Peace.

Somewhere  from West Side Story  Sondheim/Bernstein I’ve added the Tom Wait’s version to the BATN playlist

There’s a place for us
Somewhere a place for us
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere
There’s a time for us
Someday a time for us
Time together with time to spare
Time to learn
Time to care
Someday, somewhere
We’ll find a new way of living
We’ll find there’s a way of forgiving
Somewhere
There’s a time for us
Someday a time for us
Time together with time to spare
Time to learn
Time to care
Someday, somehow
We’ll find a new way of living
We’ll find there’s a way of forgiving
Somewhere
There’s a place for us
A time and a place for us
Hold my hand and we’re half way there
Hold my hand
And I’ll take you there
Somehow
Someday, somewhere

And as He Man said “Don’t say Goodbye, say Good Journey. For every doorway is but a destination to another”.