DOES YOUR DOG BITE?

Finally, I was a ‘Cool Kid’.

But sadly, short lived – I’m back to ‘Isn’t Cool Kid’.

I morning beach walk – Ear buds in, music on, waving in ‘friendly’ fashion to passersby – speeding up when necessary to avoid conversation.

But our beach very Dog Friendly, the majority of walkers ‘with dog’ and appearing to know each other.

As do the dogs, who have their cavorting, licking and sniffing rituals.

And if the rumors are accurate, so do many of their owners. 

A community of regulars.

Illustrating the advantage of dog v. cat ownership: Dogs loving companions for refreshing walks, Cats indifferent to their owner sitting in the dark watching stupid cat videos.

But when our grand dog Teddy visited recently, I added him to my morning walk, and was looked at with new respect: “That artificially friendly guy got a dog!”.

But on days 2+ I was reminded that every ‘cool group’ has its shades of cool, as did ‘Mongrel Horde’ – my suggested group name which never caught on – but had it, I’d been assured lasting cool status, maybe even put in charge of the groups’ ‘Mongrel Horde’ T-shirt order.

The coolest dog owner: Dog off-leash, strolling peacefully nearby, even bagging up after itself.

The next coolest: Dog off-leash, cavorting respectfully.

If ‘Mongrel Horde’ had an executive board, they’d be prez and vice-prez.

The poodle owner assigned meeting clean up duty.

From there, it was a bit of a cool dog’s breakfast: dogs running stupidly in circles, dogs who couldn’t be trusted off-leash, and dogs straining to get at other dogs, hoping for inappropriate sniffing.

Unfortunately, Teddy was in that last group, and no amount of artificially friendly waving on my part could overcome that.

And when Teddy left, I was once again walking alone and not cool.

Which I took in stride – as with all my past failed attempts to be cool:

Serving bonus Communion hosts to friends and adding extra wine to the priest’s cruet – but those venial sins cost me ‘altar boy of the year’ in 8^th grade;

High school debating – the nerdly team captain arguing convincingly “It’s a cool activity”, instead of football. But I did play sophomore football – i.e. football shop class – notably, the tallest player by standing on my helmet for the team photo.

Running for class president in college “to change the system”.

As a Father, my specialty: Embarrassing my kids in public.

It’s a human need to belong, to be part of something – but that’s changing.

Passively giving way to indifference, The “I don’t really care” movement: I don’t need your approval. Don’t want to be part of your group.

Part politically motivated: Most Americans developing indifference based on “Wait? These are our presidential candidates? I’m out!”

Part social media: “I’ll never be on-line popular, so I don’t care. I’m out!”

Part Kids Today! (Shakes Fist Angrily!): “If I’m indifferent, my Mom will still handle my stuff. I’m out!”

Which is how I’m choosing to deal with my ejection by the ‘Mongrel Horde’: I don’t care.

Certainly not enough to have conversations with other walkers…

But I was reminded that not caring is one of the best parts of aging: I genuinely and sincerely don’t care what other people think!

Well, maybe your opinion of this post matters – which was to be about indifference, but I couldn’t muster any enthusiasm – but just a little…

Which may be why My Captor looks nervous whenever I’m asked a question.

Best of all, for ‘older men’ the partner of indifference is grumpiness: Irritating others without regret! Now that’s cool!

For 222 more posts like this –each with a wish for nothing I care about– go to beersatthenifty.com. Your phone will display every post, and you can waste an hour or two.

Or send me an email to the site, and I’ll add you to my Sunday distribution.

And I’m now on Substack at justluckytobehere.substack.com. Same stuff, but a different location.

TO ENHANCE YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS POST, PAIR IT WITH THE FOLLOWING SONGS:

I final edit my post Sunday mornings while listening to “Sea Change” by Beck, a 2002 album, which I (obviously) love. ‘Round the Bend’ on right now, so I need to get this posted… Beck has been active since 1994, with the single ‘Loser’ his first major recognition. His real name is actually Beck (though one source listed it as Bek).

I’ve added ‘Lost Cause’ ‘Lonesome Tears’ ‘Odyssey’ (with Phoenix) ‘Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime’ ‘Missing’ ‘Gamma Ray’ ‘The New Pollution’ ‘Ramshackle’ ‘True Love will find you in the end’ and ‘Heaven Can Wait’ (with Charlotte Gainsbourg). The style variety quite impressive.

A great Sunday morning listen is “Morning Phase”, a 2014 release which sounds like a new day dawning. It won best album grammy over whatever Beyonce and her 37 producers, writers and arrangers released that year. But much like Beyonce, Beck also looks ridiculous in a cowboy hat.